In Pursuit of Happiness

10- Be at Peace

Matthew's P.O.V

(Matthew in mm)

"Before you get mad at me, I was just trying to be the dad I was before I got fucked up in the head. I am trying to protect you," Dad said. I watched as he walked over to my bed and stood there looking at me.

"I don't want you getting hurt and it happened! I almost lost you! I just got back my son and I can't lose you again because your my kid, you and your brother are all I have left." My dad was getting teary eyed. I knew it was because he got scared. I can only imagine how he feels knowing that I got shot after all we have been through. It made me think about Matai and what I would do if he was the one hurt. I looked over to see my little baby boy asleep on the chair that was in my room.

"When your mom died, a part of me died and just stopped caring. I no longer had the one person that made me feel like a great man. I miss her brown eyes, her kinky hair and her smile. She told me to protect her babies and Matthew, I messed that up." I didn't say anything I allowed him to let go all that he has been carrying around for so much years and it made me understand where he was coming from.

"I turned my back on you and tried to hurt you because I thought she was taken away because God knew you would be gay. I thought it was punishment for me because I didn't do something right. I neglected Mark too; now, he stays away from me except for work and the occasional check-up. I became a horrible man to my two biggest fans and a disappointment to my wife."

"Dad! We all make mistakes and you know that. I forgive you for all that has happened. I know it is hard but just let it go, live for the now. I miss mom a lot too. I would have loved for her to see Matai, but I had to let it go so I could focus on being a better person and making her proud by being a good dad that she would have wanted me to be."

...................................
Three Weeks Later

It has been two weeks since I have been released from the hospital after spending a week in that place. I had a few visitors that came to visit me while I was there, even Mark. Dad never left my side at all and I feel happy knowing he was really being the father I knew and loved.

There was a buzz at the door so I went to check to see who it could be; I was a little taken aback to see Mark. I was even more stunned that he had flowers.

"Mark what are you doing here and what's with the flowers?" I had to ask because it was out of the norm.

"Oh so I can't visit my baby brother now? As for the flowers, I got them for you just to make you smile" he responded.

"Boy I'm gay! Not some damsel in distress!" I laughed. He was smiling and when I told him to come in, he walked up to me and have me a hug.

"I am so sorry and I know we need to talk about everything but I am glad you are ok Matthew. Don't ever scare me again like that!" he whispered. I could only manage to nod as I held on to my brother.

He spent the rest of the weekend with us; Matai had a blast with his uncle and his grandpa. I kinda felt jealous because he was so into them and totally forgot about me. As I sat there thinking, my mind went to Daniel and I felt like crying.

"Hey Matthew come here a sec" Dad shouted from his room door. With a sigh, I got up from my spot on the couch and went in his room.

"Sup pops?" I asked, after jumping on his bed.

"Ummm I had a talk with Daniel. I kinda asked him to come for dinner, but it would be just me and him. Now, what I want you to do is to talk to him and see how he is doing."

"Thanks dad, I think Daniel has made his choice and I respect it, but I will check in with him" I reassured him. He sighed then patted my shoulder.

"Anything you wanna do son I support you."

I decided to wait until Sunday to go and check up on Daniel because I still needed to talk to my brother so we can be at peace. What better time than now?

"Mark can we go for a walk?" I asked my brother who had a tired Matai on his chest. He nodded and Dad gently took Tai then took him to his room. We walked to the door together then made our way to the park that was close by. I found a seat and we sat in silence for a while before my brother broke it.

"Matthew I am sorry I took Dad's side and turned on you like that. I should have been there for you when you needed me, but I was a coward." He was looking in my eyes and I could see the hurt. The sense of remorse was present in his voice as he said each word.

"I just want to know if you ever thought about how I might have felt? You know, knowing that your little brother who worshipped you was being hurt?"

"I asked Dad about you every time we talked and at first, he would get mad, he would say he isn't sure, but he would try to find out and stuff like that. I picked up the phone to call you so many times, but I got scared. Matty I didn't want to believe you were gay; I didn't want my little brother to be treated the way I see others are treated."

"Ok cool so that means you should have been there then. You and Dad found it so easy to cut me off; even when I had my kid, you guys never ever asked if he was healthy. Now, I feel some kind of way when I watch you and Dad playing with him." I confessed to him.

"Do you want us to give you more space and time to adjust to this?"

"Are you crazy? No! I just don't want to build his hope up thinking he has the best grandpa and uncle! Only to know that it will be taken away when you guys finally come face to face with reality that I am still gay."

"Matthew I understand why you would feel that way, but I am begging you as my little brother, my only brother, to forgive me and to give me a chance to prove that I have grown and changed. I am sorry for everything!" He was holding my hand and getting emotional because his voice was cracking. It was just amazing seeing my dad first and now my brother getting emotional.

"You are forgiven butt face and I am glad to have my brother and my best friend back." I hugged him, but being the prick he is, he lifted me off the ground and started spinning us around.

"You are crazy! Dick!" I chuckled as he laughed. We started walking back home and just kept playing like we would when I was 10 and he was 13.

I was in bed and I could not sleep. I heard my phone going off notifying me that I had a message. When I checked the time, it was 2:15 am, I opened the message and saw that it was from Daniel.

Hey, I know you prob don't even wanna talk to me but I just wanna know you are ok and that Matai is too. I can't stop thinking about you and Matai. How I almost got you guys killed. I hope to see you one day so we could talk. I am rambling now so I am just gonna shut up. I miss you Matthew and I am really sorry, but I just don't wanna get into it with your dad. I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Sleep tight cute nigga lol Daniel.

A small smile crept on my face knowing that he was up at this time thinking about me and missing me. I quickly typed a response to send him.

Hey I am up! I am kinda mad at you for just walking out of my hospital room like that. You never even gave me a chance, but I guess you have your reasons. I still think about you and I do miss you as well but I am respecting your decision and giving you space. I talked to dad and he told me he spoke to you. Now, shouldn't you be asleep so that you could get to work on time in a few hours?

After about a minute I got a response.

Naw, I don't work on Sundays and I have nothing to do but to stay in bed all day. Matthew, you know you already have me trippin' over yo fine ass so don't even come at me with that never gave you a chance crap! I'm finna come over now!

Who am I kidding? I want this man!