In Pursuit of Happiness

18- Birthday & First Step

Thanks guys for the overwhelming support and kind words. I really am pleased to know that my story which is a testament to getting over struggles, is actually bringing out emotions and encouraging persons.

Special shout out to SydneyReid8 for being so "irie" and to Kid076 for your kind words.

Matthew's P.O.V

{Matthew in mm}

I was in bed when my son decided to join me. He jumped on my chest as if it was nothing; I swear kids think their dads are just like sofa or beds, I chuckled at the thought and he wrapped his arms aroung my neck and kissed my cheek.

"Happy birthday daddy! Grandpa and I made you a surprise breakfast!" He squealed. When realization struck he quickly covered his mouth. "Uh ooooh, Grandpa is not gonna be happy! I told you the secret" He whispered. I was laughing so hard and I just wrapped him in my arms and kissed him all over as he squirmed and giggled.

"Daaaaaad! It tickles!" he giggled; seeing him happy made me want to not focus on Daniel for today. I picked him up and he wrapped his little legs around me as we went to the kitchen to check out what was for breakfast.

"Happy birthday son!" My dad said as he hugged me. "What do you have planned today?" he asked. I never really thought about it because I was up crying the night before. I kinda spaced out on my dad without even realizing that I did not answer his question.

"Matt! Matthew! Are you ok?" I heard my Dad asking,

"Huh? Oh ummm, yeah Dad I'm ok. Ummm I have nothing planned so I am gonna spend the day with my heartbeat." My phone was ringing and Tai took it to me in the kitchen. When I checked I saw it was Jamal,

"Hello" I answered

"Happy birthday baby! Hope you are enjoying your birthday" he sounded so happy and I kinda wished I felt that way since it was my birthday.

"Yeah Thanks Mal. What are you doing?" I asked after hearing noise in the background and laughing following.

"I am just finna get my black ass to work but them two boys being bad asses right now" he told me then I hear him sigh, "Hold up Matty; Yo Jamar you got one mo time to do that to yo brother! Imma beat yo lil behind if you don't quit!" he shouted at one of his sons. I was laughing at him because I never heard him in his daddy mode.

"Why you laughing at me babe?" he asked

"You being in daddy mode right now, it is a first for me to witness." I told him and he chuckled.

"Well this is what I been doin' for a while now baby. Hey Matt I'm gone get them two lil niggas and head out so later bae" he said and I told him bye and we hung up.

I had breakfast with my Dad and my son while trying my best to keep up the happy facade, but inside I was breaking. I felt humiliated, used, betrayed and played. I have only felt like this once before in my life; the day I got raped.

I never really talked about it much because it was a horrible experience to relive. I have gotten over it, however, the thought lingers that someone could be that cold to hurt another being in such a way. The way he looked into my eyes; his were dark and held such a dark eeriness about them. How he overpowered me regardless of how hard I was fighting back. The fact that he entered me in one swift motion without giving me time to adjust. The way he slammed into me and when he was done he smashed my phone so I couldn't make contact with anyone; he left me there bleeding a little and crying out of fear, shock and shame. How easy he found it to threaten me that he would kill my brother if I ever mentioned it to anyone. It was certainly a difficult event in my life that took a toll on my perception of others at the time.

"Matthew are you certain you are ok? You seem so distant"

"Yeah Dad I am cool, just thinking about what to do with baby boy here" I responded.

"Well is Daniel gonna come over?" I dreaded this question and I wasn't sure if I should tell him.

"Ummm well Dad the thing is Daniel and I are no longer going at it. I don't think you will ever see him around again." I whispered because I didn't want Matai to hear.

"What the fuck did he do to you? I swear I am gonna kill him" I knew my dad could be scary when he is angry, but this right here took the cake.

"It's ok Daddy! It just isn't meant to be. Am I hurt that he cheated with Shawn the day before my birthday? Yes! Am I hurt that he made Shawn answer his phone and tell me they have been having sex since they met? Yes! But the big question is this Dad, will I allow them to get power over me and allow me to remain broken and dwelling on what could have been? Fuck no!"

"Hold up! He cheated on you with Shawn and called yesterday to let you know that?" My dad asked.

"Well technically I called and Shawn relayed the cheating info, but ummm yeah pretty much" I said trying to make light of the situation. I don't know if I did it to try and convince Dad I would be ok, or if I was trying to convince myself.

"You mean my friend's son Shawn?" my dad was in disbelief, especially when I nodded.

"Dad don't! Just let things play out on their own, besides, you can't always protect me from hurt and deceitful people." He sighed and just looked out in space.

"Do you want me to stay here with you and the grand-kid?" he asked and I nodded. We moved to the sofa and just watched what Matai wanted to watch; this of course was cartoons until I put on 'The Good Dinosaur' movie for us to watch. Dad made lunch for us and then we watched some more movies while enjoying a guys hang out day.

"Hey let's just go out and have dinner and then we can come back here" I agreed to this suggestion my Dad made. After getting Tai ready and putting on my clothes, we headed out to get dinner. When I walked in the restaurant, I saw my brother sitting there and I genuinely smiled. I ordered for myself and for Tai, but dad was the one to help him with his food while I talked with my brother. For dessert, I ordered the 'liquid chocolate cake. To say I was stunned would be wrong; the waiter walked out carrying a whole cake that had lit sparkles and that made me cheer up.

"Happy birthday son" my dad said while kissing my temple.

"Yeah, Happy birthday baby brother!" Mark said while he hugged me and kissed forehead.

"Happy birthday Daddy! I love you" he stretched over and kissed my cheek. That melted my heart and it made me happy and lifted my spirit knowing that I had my family back. Most of all hearing my son say 'I love you' was like a therapeutic and calming moment in my life; the first step towards fixing a broken heart.