Part 7 - Regrets and Realisations

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You blinked as light poured into your eyes; white, fluorescent lights and the smell of bleach, you instantly knew you were in a hospital, though for a moment you weren't sure why. Then the last few days came flooding back to you - Vegas, Sidemen, Cal, Simon, the fight. You groaned - how had this happened?
"Okay, seriously, no more adventures for you - this is too much even for me" Y/BF/N says as you sit up, the pounding in your head still noticeable
"Fuuucckkkkk" you groan - "Where are the boys?" you continue
"I sent them all away, I didn't know what you wanted, but all I knew was getting a phone call telling me you were going to hospital because of a fight meant that I didn't want any of those dickheads around for a while" she says, no sarcasm or sass in her voice, just pure and cold concern and anger
"I was caught in the crossfire - Cal saw me and Simon and..." you flushed red, it was awkward and embarassing
"I got that much thanks, I'm not an idiot" she said, finally cracking a smile at you. "Anyway, we are free to go home, they just wanted to keep observation on you overnight after they glued your scull back together"
"Delicious" you say, standing up and looking in the mirror - one black eye, a bandage on the back of your head and bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep. You couldn't have looked more like the comic book results of a night out in Vegas if you tried.

You both started to leave the room when you noticed Josh sitting in the hallway. "Josh?" you said, unintentionally sounding as confused as you felt
"Hey, Y/N - how are you?" he said, reaching out to hug you
"Yeah, I'm alright. How's...." you trailed off, but Josh seemingly sensed where the line was going
"Simon's okay" he said, a weight lifting off your chest, "he wouldn't leave this hallway for the doctors check him out, so I promised I wouldn't leave till you came out or he came back" he said, the words sending a warm streak through your body
"I'm glad, you didn't have to stay though" you said
"I wanted to make sure you were alright as well" he said and you pulled him in for another hug. You felt his grip loosen and the breath he took before the start of his next sentence was enough to tell you that he was about to say something serious.
"Cal hasn't come back to the hotel since it all happened Y/N, the others aren't sure what has gone on because they are more concerned with Simon getting checked out and you being okay - but I think I'm starting to understand - I just want to make sure you know how serious this is, Simon and Cal have history with getting caught up over the same girls - you weren't the first, but I think you were the last straw. I hope you are sure about Simon, because I don't know what will happen from here...I'm not sure Cal will forgive him with you around, it's going to take long enough as it is...and we're a family Y/N, I don't know what it could do to us all"
You just nod quietly, tears welling in your eyes, you looked down at the ground - did you just destroy a friendship you've always admired and ruin Simon's place in the Sidemen? When did you ever become a person who'd let a crush overtake your brain, and ignore possible consequences?
"Alright, that's enough, come on Y/N, I know a great breakfast buffet with cocktails that I feel you need right now" Y/BF/N said, I think she could hear your heart aching from outside your chest, and you weren't ever more glad that she could see right through you.
"I have to see him first" you said to her, Josh's words stirring a realisation in you that you knew you had to deal with face on
"Okay, I'll meet you out the front" she said, squeezing your hand
You followed the directions the nurse gave you - down hallway after hallway, past room after room, and you weren't sure if it was real or you were imaging it, but it seemed every hallway you got closer - the air got colder and seemed to bite at your uncovered arms, causing you to shiver, but perhaps it was just because you knew what was coming and your body was trying to warn you.


You turned a corner and were suddenly confronted with a hallway full of the boys, you didn't expect that, you should have, but you were too busy preparing yourself for seeing him. Your stomach flipped at the sight of them - and it you knew had to get a grip of yourself.
JJ was the first to notice you, he looked up, mouth dropping "Omg Y/N, are you okay?"
You could feel all other eyes on you - Lewis, Callux, Tobi staring at your in shock
"Yeah" you say, "it's a lot worse that it looks" you try and smile and brush it off
"Well I hope so, because it looks fucking awful" Callux says - causing you to laugh properly and the worry in your body to ease
"What happened?" JJ asked
"I think that's a story for another time JJ, I'm going to go in and see him on my own for a while if you guys don't mind" you say, the smile disappearing once again from your face.
They just nod and Tobi pats you on the back as you go past.

What awaited for you inside that door was everything and nothing you wanted all at the same time. 
'You have to' the voice inside your head said and you gulped, took a deep breath in, apologised to your heart in advance and opened the door.

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