Venus & Mars

Chapter 10 ~ Forgiveness

Orusa was sitting quietly in her chambers, sewing together a black shirt when I stormed inside. "Andromeda!" She greeted cheerily, giving me a grin. Her smile accentuated the dark blue diamonds on her pale green cheeks. But it quickly fell when she saw the look of anger on my face. "What's wrong?" She asked, getting to her feet. "Kylo!" I growled. She nodded, understanding at once, and moved to make some tea. "What'd he do now?" She inquired. "He's just...so...ugh!" I said in frustration. "That bad huh?" "You have no idea! He's been acting so weird! One minute we are laughing and training, and the next he's being all bossy and telling me what to do. I thought I was actually getting somewhere with him! That he was actually different than I thought. I even thought he could change. That I could help him be a better person! But apparently he doesn't want to change. He wants to be alone and friendless and bitter for the rest of his life!" I ranted, moving to sit in one of her soft red chairs. Orusa listened quietly, taking in all the information I was giving her, even though it probably didn't make any sense.

She handed me a warm cup of tea as she sat down across from me. "Maybe he's having a bad day..." She pointed out. "Maybe. But I swear though! That man is more bipolar than Hoth during a heatwave." Orusa smiled at me, shaking her head slightly. "He cares for you." She said simply. My eyes widened to the size of saucers. "What?" I asked in disbelief. Her response totally contradicted Kylo's actions. "He cares for you." She repeated. "In some way at least. Whether it be as a friend, or apprentice...or even a companion..." She trailed off, winking at me. I blushed darkly from her implication. "He doesn't like me..." I mumbled. Orusa ignored my comment, continuing her previous thought. "He's trying to push you away so neither of you get hurt. He's scared. Scared of trusting you, trusting himself, scared he'll lose you one day if you get too close, and scared of all of his mixed emotions. He probably feels many things that he's never felt before when he's around you. Things that are so foreign to his heart that he'd rather fight them than embrace them. He probably believes that if he denies his feelings and lashes out at you that it will keep you safe, even if it hurts you both deeply." She explained.

I gawked at her in disbelief. "And how do you know all this?" I asked with a chuckle. "I've been all over the galaxy, Andromeda. Human courtship habits are quite similar no matter where you go." She told me, smirking. I rolled my eyes. "Maybe, but not all men are the same. And Kylo is definitely different than anyone I've ever met. I don't know how to explain it." I spoke softer now, unsure about what exactly to say next.

A small smile spread across Orusa's face again. "I just realized something." She told me. I met her violet eyes again. "Hmm?" "You can't see his emotions for you because you feel as if you aren't good enough for him. You have feelings for him too. But you'd rather push them down than let them see light because you're afraid of what everyone will think. It's all subconscious, for you both. He's scared of getting hurt, and you're scared of falling for him." She concluded. My mouth hung open as I stared back at her. As much as I totally hated to admit it, and as guilty as it made me feel, I had developed feelings of affection towards the moody man. He made me smile and laugh, even when he himself wasn't. He could be kind and protective, like when Hux tried to kiss me. He taught me so many things. He made me powerful when I was at my weakest point. I just didn't realize it until Orusa brought it to my attention. I wondered how she was able to know what I felt, and yet Kylo didn't. Or maybe he did, and that was why he was pushing me away. My head spun. "Either way, he would never consider it. Sith and Jedi are forbidden from having relationships. And if I did fall for him, then what message would that send to my people? That the Sith lord that all but kidnapped me was suddenly my Dark side lover? They'd never have faith in me ever again. And my mother? She would have a stroke!" Orusa took my hands in her own, softly rubbing my pale knuckles. "And what if he did consider it. What if you gave him a reason to be someone different? To be good. Can you imagine? You, you could be the reason he changed. Of course, you can't just make him change, he has to decide to get better on his own. But how could your people blame you for setting them free of the chaos surrounding us all? And your mother? She would want you to be happy right? To fall in love with someone who made you a strong woman. Who made you feel as if you were worth something? When I first met you Andromeda, you were crippled, broken by the world around you. Sure, you were strong, but you felt like you didn't have a place, a purpose. When Master Ren brought you here, you found the woman you are meant to be. You're not only a warrior, you're a leader. You're more powerful than anyone knows. Just think, you could use everything Kylo is teaching you to protect your people! And you don't even have to pick a side. You could be a gray Jedi! But none of that will happen if you don't try!" She told me. "Maybe I do have feelings for him, but what am I supposed to do? He's so...so...ugh..." I groaned, throwing myself backward.