Life After Losing You

Chapter 16: No Veil

EDITED: 7/11/15 ✓

Chapter 16: No Veil

I groaned softly as I felt my mind and body drift back to a conscious state. I felt like I had been sleeping for decades; my limbs were sore, throat dry, and my eyelids felt cemented shut.

Thinking better of the ultimatum to lay in bed for the rest of my life, I slowly cracked open my heavy eyelids. Though, the sunlight capturing my view had caused an irritable pain to slice through my temples. Groaning once again, I quickly turned away from my open window and curled up on the opposite side of the bed.

Then... gasped.

My lips parted as bewilderment coursed through me. The reason being was that Matt Carson, THE Matt Carson, was asleep soundlessly in my reading chair. I blinked a few times to be sure that I was not imagining the sight.

After pushing myself up into a seated position, and allowing myself to shamelessly gawk at Matt's sleeping figure, I then slowly began to recall the previous night. Though the events were vague and full of questionable memory gaps, ...I did remember.

I remembered feeling free with Cleo and pushing myself to self-medicate with substances I'd never imagined. Devastatingly, I also remember feeling completely irrational and at one point, downright wild. Then... finding myself in an ambulance and then the hospital, being poked and probed by doctors and nurses.

I forced myself to swallow as I rubbed the side of my slightly itchy cheek.

And above all else, I slowly began to remember the reason why Matt Carson was now asleep in my room. He'd seen me at my very worst and had witnessed one episode in particular that I couldn't bring myself to re-live. A sense of humility and deep regret began to sink within me. What would Matt think of me after having a glance at just how... broken I was? I couldn't even begin to think of all of the appalling thoughts running through his head.

I had made a fool of myself in front of him and the entire school.

Knowing and accepting that harsh, truthful thought, I began to sink into a swell of depression. I knew what would happen now, just like it had before in my prior prep school. I'd be avoided, pitied, and most likely shunned from anyone and everyone who had once shown an ounce of friendship to me. Instead of being invisible, like I had once strived, I would now be the center of countless negative thoughts.

"Why...are you crying?" Matt's voice shattered my rapid stream of thoughts. I snapped head up and instinctively reached up to quickly wipe away the moisture collecting on my cheeks.

"I'm f-fine, I'm sorry," I babbled out as I distantly watched Matt run his hand through his hair and wipe the sleep from his eyes. Then, as if it was the most natural thing, he stood up and walked over to sit on the side of the bed beside me.

"Are you okay? Do you feel sick?" He asked gently, reaching out to push my hands down and away from my cheeks. I flushed slightly after feeling his warm hands clutch mine.

I shook my head in response since I knew I might just start crying again. When Matt and I were together, so closely, it only reminded me of the night of our kiss. Both flashes of happiness and sadness clashed through me at once. I knew this small moment would torture me later and so, I quickly withdrew my hands from his and slipped a difficult smile onto my lips.

"You didn't have to stay here all night, I'm sorry," I whispered, raising my head.

"It's fine, honestly. I wanted to stay and make sure you were okay. Sophia... you said something about living alone, is that true?" Matt asked, a worried crease appearing between his eyebrows. My heart jumped for a second; shocked at myself for not remembering the details of what I had revealed to him last night. What the hell had I spilt?