Life After Losing You

Chapter 23: Departure

EDITED: 7/23/15 ✓

Chapter 23: Departure

"I'm not going," I exhaled as my eyes began to itch with a fresh wave of threatening tears. "I-I can't go, Luke..." I began in a panic. After jumping each hurtle that I've overcome here in Mukilteo, I couldn't imagine myself stepping back into that situation – into that home. I would be erasing all of the progress I've made.

"I understand that you've settled in here and I have kept your father updated on what I know but... he firmly requested to see you. Now, don't worry too much because I'm certain he just wants to see you and not move you out of town," Luke explained hastily yet... a little uncertain. "He just wants to sort things out – that's what he explained to me." Luke stepped forward and held his hand out for the ticket between my shaking fingertips. "I can speak to him about having this ticket turn into a two-way. Just give him the long weekend, this Friday to Sunday in Ohio," Luke nodded as I turned the ticket over to him.

I felt numb as Matt appeared behind me and placed his hand on the middle of my back.

I didn't know how I managed to get the words out but as soon as I felt Matt's presence, I knew what I wanted.

"I can't go without Matt," I breathed out as I watched Luke's eyebrows shoot up toward his hairline.

"I..." Luke began, flashing his gaze between Matt and I. Thankfully Matt quickly sparked to life and placed his hands on my shoulders firmly.

"I don't mind going with her, if she needs the company," Matt agreed after giving my shoulders a gentle squeeze.

"You're sure giving your father a lot of conditions," Luke half-smiled as he shook himself. Surprisingly, I felt bold and confident as I straightened and nodded.

"If he wants to see me then this is what he'll get. If he can't agree, I won't abide by his request." I swallowed tightly but held my ground.

Luke looked at me for a long moment before sighing and raising his hands in surrender. "I'll speak to him tomorrow morning and let him know. Once I have everything laid out, I'll give you a call."

I finally smiled, even though it was slightly forced. Truly, I couldn't get a grip on the whirling emotions within me; fright, anger, shame, unease, and also... hope, after realizing Matt might be by my side.

* * *

Matt and I waved goodbye to Luke as he pulled out of my driveway in his signature truck.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked gently as he toyed with the zipper of his varsity hockey jacket. I sighed and shrugged as I looked out at the quiet, dimly lit street.

"I think so," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around my torso. "I just... don't think I like the person that I become when I'm around my father. I want you there, Matt – I need you there but I don't want you to see something you'll regret. I told you we have a... complicated relationship but I think it's more than that," I explained softly.

"If you want me there, then I'm going to be there. I don't really know much about your father but I'd like to think I know you. If your father sees half as much as I do in you, then I can't see how he could possibly not care for you. Some people are just harder to understand," Matt shrugged gently and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. "And I don't think I could bring myself to regret being with you. I think you underestimate just how impactful you can be on others," Matt chuckled as I felt my cheeks flame with heat.