Life After Losing You

Chapter 28: This Love

EDITED: 7/23/15 ✓

Chapter 28: This Love

I watched my father's neighbourhood begin to disappear in the distance as we drove closer to the city; closer to the airport to catch our departing flight. However, as the miles stretched on, a tight and uncomfortable ball of emotion began to form in the back of my throat. Even after everything – seeing Jason, having a difficult talk with my father, and also gaining the strength to return back to Ohio, I still felt incomplete.

And I knew why.

"Excuse me?" I blurted out as I wiped my perspired palms against my jeans. I could feel Matt's curious gaze on my face as I continued to speak to my father's driver, Charles.

"Yes, Miss. Jameson?" He replied as I caught his gaze in the rearview mirror.

I paused for a moment and took a deep breath. I knew once I spoke the words that I wouldn't be able to take them back.

"Would it be possible for you to stop by Lawrence and Oakbrook? Only for a short while..." I explained softly. The driver complied easily and began taking the next exit off the highway.

"Sophia?" Matt asked quietly, his comforting hand falling upon my quivering knee.

I looked up and found that I couldn't exactly conjure up the words to speak without becoming too emotional. With that knowledge, I scooted closer to Matt and wrapped my arms around his bicep cuddly. Thankfully he somehow understood my need for his nearness in that moment as his hand gripped mine and he pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles.

I often wished I had more time to prepare for the moments ahead. Though before I knew it, the car was coming to a slow stop outside a pair of iron gates. I moved robotically with Matt as he offered me his hand to step out of the backseat. The bright sunlight beamed down on the two of us as we walked hand in hand to the gate; I wondered, distantly, if Matt could feel the speedily pulse of my heart as my wrist continuously brushed up against his.

The memories came flooding back to me then just as Matt and I pushed open the heavy gate and began walking up the deserted cobblestone path.

Though I felt confident in the fact that I've become a stronger person now, I could still feel myself slowly sinking back into the past. On this very path I was a girl with a shortsighted future – desperate, lonely, frightened, livid and most of all, drowning in a silent depression. Even under my current uplifted circumstances, it was far too easy to remember the clarity of that sad person. No matter how greatly my life changes, I accepted that there would always be that girl, however small, present inside of me.

Then... I saw him.

My mouth grew dry and my heart began to sink as I steered Matt up a hill and onto the dewy green grass. A few steps lead us straight to our destination, standing in front of a tall grey headstone with Calvin Jameson, Beloved Son, Brother, and Friend ingrained across the top. Also above that, a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers lay on the stone.

I felt foolish for ever believing that people would forget Cal.

"I haven't been back here since his passing," I whispered, a little bewildered to notice how thick and sluggish my voice sounded. Matt's hand made its way across my waist to rub the middle of my back soothingly. "I thought it would make me feel worse – make it any more real apart from the knowledge of it in my mind," I continued slowly, kneeling down to brush my fingertips tentatively along the letters of Cal's name.