Losing Faith

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

        Art of Dying was on full blast as Krystal sat on her bedroom floor, razor in one hand. It’s 8:00pm o’clock pm she can’t bare the pain inside her soul. Krystal starts to write her thoughts trying to avoid the cold blade touching her skin.

          Am I too ugly? Am I too fat? I wish I could change the way I am. Why is it that no one likes me? Do I have to flash in order for them to like me? Just cause I like black doesn’t mean I’m a freak and/or a creep. Please stop words hurt more than the actual hitting. Please just stop this pain around me.

          She kept writing, but nothing would go away. The blade is now at her wrist, just feeling the icy cold blade cutting down her skin blood starts to flood out just like water floods out a fountain, thick, dark blood. She stops noticing she’s getting out of hand she then starts to clean herself before she starts cleaning her blade.

            Searching for a bunch of different bracelets to hide her fresh cut (which will be her new scar later now), finding them she puts them on her left arm. Seeing her reflection on the mirror she wipes her tears, puts on a smile and starts to pretend.

            She’s been hiding everything with that big smile of hers. That’s the way she gets through the day, but at night everything comes right at her drowning on it all.

     Feeling the cold blade within my wrist is a way for me to just take everything out of me. The rejection, loneliness, pain, fatness and everything in between. I hate everything about me. Krystal kept writing.

“Sweetie we’re home!” Mary yelled from downstairs. Krystal startled hiding the journal under her bed as quick as possible. She gets up getting her clothes and bolts into the shower turning it on. “Okay mom, I’ll be down in a second I’m taking a shower!” screaming she responded so her mother could hear through all the splashing of the water. Taking her bracelets off and watching the fresh cut she has made she slightly touches it and winced. She looks at her reflection and instantly remembers what Mat said earlier today had made her realize she was really fat just like a pig. Wiping her tears away she gets onto the shower.

After almost an hour inside the shower she finally decided to get out. She took her bracelets put them on her left hand again, taking one last glance at her reflection and strolled into her room. Did the things she needed to do such as: putting on deodorant, brushing her long black layered hair and putting on her lip balm and then decided to go downstairs.

“Hi mother I just got out the shower.” Krystal managed a smile. “Sweetie you took the longest time ever.” Mary giggled. “I know mom, what are you doing here so early?” She asked completely confused. “Early? Honey this is the usual time I get here. Are you feeling alright? You look extremely pale.” Mary asked worriedly.

“Oh, sorry mom I thought it was barely 2:40pm. I’m a little out of this world,” Krystal giggled “I’m feeling just fine mommy.” She smiled and kissed her cheek. “Then, tell me why you’re so pale. “Probably because of the steam coming out the hot shower I was taking awhile ago remember?”

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop taking really hot showers? It’s bad especially when it’s too much steam coming out the water. Just look at you.” Mary told her moving her hand all around her. “Mom, just stop ok. I get it! You don’t have to rub it in my face that I look horrible! Gosh!” Krystal yelled running upstairs to her room with tears running down her cheeks. “Baby don’t go! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…” Krystal slammed the door shut leaving her mother speechless.

Why is it that every time that things goes horrible at school things in my own home goes worse? She questioned herself throwing herself in the bed. Feeling the blade on her pocket she took it out as she stared at it. Do I have to do this again she asked herself doubting whether to do it or not. She out herself in a sitting position and kept on wondering if she should do just one more fresh cut just a tiny one. Hearing the footsteps getting closer by the second she bolts out of her bed to her door and locks it.

“Honey open up please.” her mother begged.

“Leave me alone! I want to be alone in my room it’s a lot better than having company.” Krystal implored. She stares at the blade moves the bracelets out of the way and starts to feel the icy blade go deeper into her flesh as a low cream escapes her lips. “Honey, what are you doing? Are you okay? Honey answer me.” Mary questioned her feeling uncontrollably worried.

Krystal ignored all of her questions not wanting to answer her. She got lost on her own world feeling the pain spreading in her wrist, feeling a warm sensation over her arm as she figured she went a little overboard again. She had told herself it was going to be a tiny one, but she ended up doing a lot more than just a little. She forces herself to stop she couldn’t, feeling the pain was the only way to stop hurting inside. She puts away the blade as she comes back to reality hearing the banging of the door, screaming voices she couldn’t even make out. So, she decided to put All that Remains- This Darkened Heart full blast ignoring everyone in the other side.

“Krystal open up this door this instant!” Mr. James screamed. He’s Krystal’s step father. Even though he’s not her real dad she loves him like he is. Her father died in a car accident when he was driving drunk and hit an innocent family. Thanks God her step father isn’t an alcoholic.

She gets near the door and cleans her tears. “What do you want?” She managed to say trying to sound as if nothing really happened. “I want to know if you’re ok honey.” Mary responded. “Ok well, I’m fine. I’m great actually.”

“Are you sure you are? Because you don’t sound like you do.” Shit! This is a first. No one had ever figure her out nonetheless know when she’s lying. I’ve done it so many times before and they never seem to find out Krystal thought cursing at herself.

“Open the door sweetie pie and I’ll believe you.” Mary said in the sweetest voice ever. As she opened the door she realized it was too late to put her bracelets back into place to cover her fresh cuts worried she still managed a bright smile to spread across her face. “You see I’m good, great.” Trying to hide her left arm from them.

“Why are you hiding your left arm?” Mr. James asked. Of course it had to be him to that one peaky father, Krystal thought. “Umm it’s really late. Look at the time it’s 10:45pm. It’s time for me to go sleep. Goodnight.” She smiled without them expecting it she closed the door right on their faces and locked it. “Goodnight sweetie.” Her mother replied sounding somehow worried less.

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A/N: Like I said the chapter before I'll have some grammer errors but that's only because it's my first draft. I'll fix them after I'm done with this book. :) please vote, follow, comment and SHARE!! :D Please tell me what you guys think :)