Ilosovic Stayne: The Knave

Chapter Fourteen: Contemplation

A few hours had passed since the meeting in Iracebeth's quarters and the Queen finally had released the Knave to head back to his chambers. Stayne quickly walked away from her room down the hall, his eye downcast as he thought on the need he had just carried. He was rather disgusted in himself. He was disgusted by the fact that he was ordered to sexually engage with Iracebeth for her own whim and for her own needs. Not because he was willing, but he was ordered too.

He shook his head as he let out a frustrated grunt, turning the corner quickly. How could he let this come to this, how could he let himself be made stupid like this. Stayne was destined for greater things, to be of great power and great respect. Or at least so he thought. He was starting to doubt himself, doubt everything. It was a constant battle in his head of tearing himself apart, doubting his loyalties and doubting himself. This was not exactly where he wanted to be at in his life, this was not how he planned it to be. He was barley respected, barley treated equal. Everything was demanded on him, ordered on him.

Stayne turned the corner and walked down the hall until he came to an opening in the wall leading out to a balcony. He needed some fresh air to think, to get his thoughts straightened out. He quickly walked out to the balcony and placed his hands on the railing, slumping forward as he let his head hang; eye closing. "Who am I?...What have I become?..." Stayne sighed out, feeling his walls starting to collapse, loosing his emotionless and cruel stature.

He hated who he had become, hated everything about himself. But he couldn't help it, he had no control over it. He missed the what he once was, who he was when he was a boy. He had more respect for himself, for the people. He felt honor and valor and dignity. He took his vows with a level head and with a strong heart, with courage. But that all came crumbling down when his secret had been revealed and when the King stole his eye from him. When the king...no...when Mirana created the rage in him. The two of them combined turned him into this cold, heartless, monster.

Heartless? No, Stayne still had his heart. And it ached every single day. It ached for a better life. It ached for the past. It ached for Mirana.

Stayne let out another long sigh as he thought on that, his head raising finally and his eye opening to look out over Salezen Grum. "Mirana..." He breathed out, shaking his head slowly. He still didn't understand why she ran off that day, why she didn't help him, why she had chose to remain silent and to ignore the fact that she had told him she loved him. Was she scared? Scared of what her father would do to her? He would of done nothing. He wouldn't of hurt her because she was his daughter. Would he?

He quickly shook his head and looked back down, seeing how far of a drop it was to the ground. It was a long way down. "I could end it...I could end it all." He muttered to himself, his brow narrowing together. Though Stayne was scared of death, scared of dying from being executioned; he figured maybe being executioned at his own hand would maybe make him not fear death as much. That was the only reason why he was still loyal to Iracebeth. Not because he wanted power. He came to terms with that was the last thing he cared about anymore. Specially after looking at the Oraculum. Their chanced of winning Frabjous Day looked slim, though Stayne couldn't tell the Queen that. She would have his head.

Off with his head.

Stayne was afraid of death, and he had came to terms with that was the reason why he was still so loyal to Iracebeth, why he wouldn't go against her and went along with every order and whim she wanted. Because he didn't want her to order him to have him be killed. That thought terrified him more than anything.

Yet again here he was, starring down at the ground below the balcony; many stories down until the ground was reached. Here he was, contemplating his life; if all of this was worth living anymore, if everything he had done was worth living. Here he was, contemplating on jumping off this balcony right here at this moment.

Stayne had done numerous unspeakable acts in the many years he was loyal to Iracebeth. He had sent many to be sentenced to death, and he himself had killed hundreds of innocent lives at his own hand without thinking twice on it. How could he live with himself with that thought anymore. What had happened to the Knight he once was? The honorable knight he once was?

He was a monster.

"I'm a monster..." He breathed out, taking a step closer to the balconies ledge. He stared out over Salezen Grum again and then slowly closed his eye as a single tear ran down his cheek. "I should of stayed out in the Outlands....I should of stayed a farm hand. I would of been...this..." He breathed out, shaking his head.

No. Ilosovic Stayne needed to pull himself together. He couldn't look venerable. Venerability had cost him his heart, his eye, and his title. Suck it up Stayne, you have a duty to uphold. There is still a chance you will win Frabjous Day. There is still a chance for better! He thought to himself and he let out a heavy sigh, giving a nod. He needed a mental slap in the face, needing to pull himself together. He wasn't weak, and he didn't want to look it. He slowly turned around and faced the entrance back into the hallway, seeing the blond girl named um quickly run past him. She hadn't noticed he was there and his brow raised a little as he watched her, curious as to why she seemed so urgent. His brow narrowed a little, still bitter to the fact of the nights earlier events. He figured that he could possibly change the night around into his favor.

Stayne quickly followed out of the balcony and back into the hall, trying to keep up with her. As soon as she turned the corner in front of him, he quickly did the same and started to follow close behind her. Once he caught up he quickly reached out and gripped his hand onto her wrist and spun her around; his hands instantly coming up and backed her hard against the wall; hands pinning on either side of her head. He looked up into her eyes, cruel and deadly smirk coming into the corners of his lips. She stared down at him wide eyed, her chest rising and falling quickly from her fastened breath. Something about her taller height turned Stayne on, having a new and more captivating face in the kingdom made him hunger for it.

It made him hunger for power over Um.

"I like you um...I like largness..." Stayne breathed out, his face slowly leaning into her as his lips were deadly close to her face. Alice quickly pushed his arm away from her and slipped out under him, quickly racing down the hall. "Get away from me!" She shouted, glancing back at him for a moment before she disappeared out of his sight.

Stayne stood there silently, watching her run off. He didn't understand why he didn't chance after her. But something about her seemed off, he saw it in her eyes. And thats what halted him. But he couldn't place his finger on it.

Off in the distance behind him stood Lady Bigears as Stayne liked to call her, hiding behind the wall of the entrance into the hall, watching everything. A smirk came to her lips as she quickly turned away and ran off to Iracebeth's chambers.