The Assassin Experiment (An Ansatsu Kyoshitsu FanFic)

Chapter 11: Questions

Nagisa's P. O. V.

I heard Karma's voice from inside my unconscious mind. He was calling out to me, urging me to wake up. Wake up for whatever reason it was.

I was confused. I didn't understand what was happening. I knew Karma. I have known him for so long. I trusted him. I knew I trusted him.

But I don't even know myself.

Could all of that have been a lie? Am I being tricked? Where was my mother? I can trust her, right? She's the one who takes care of me. She has for such a long time.

But I feel uneasy. I feel like I'm being forced. Like these aren't my true feelings. Do I not love my mother? No. I do. Then, what is this feeling rising in my gut?

Help me, Karma.

I don't know what's going on with me. I want to trust you, I need to trust you, I know to trust you.

But something inside of me is telling me that all of that is wrong. Is it wrong? Are all of these lies?

Who do I trust? My mother? Karma? M-myself?

Who am I in the first place?

"Yes, your name is Nagisa Shiota"

The sentence echoed in my mind.

Nagisa. Nagisa Shiota. That was my name? Is it true? Or just another lie?

I don't know what to believe anymore, I'm so confused.

What do I do? What is my purpose?

Please, someone, help me.

Tell what's right and what's wrong.

And then, surely, I'll be able to understand. Surely, then, I won't be confused.

I don't like lies. Lies hurt. So, please, someone. Tell me the truth.

The truth about me. The truth about Karma, my mother, and everyone else in my life whom I can't seem to remember.

I don't want to be betrayed. For some reason, my mind seemed to understand that I had felt that emotion before. I had been betrayed before.

But, by who? Who betrayed me?

Somewhere, deep in my mind, I felt someone screaming at me to wake up. It was horrible. It felt like my mind was being ripped apart.

Go away, I wanted to tell the person. Go away and leave me alone.

I felt hurt. Almost as if it was real. Pain filled my bones. Real pain.

Who had hurt me? Who caused me to have such pain?

Questions and questions. That's all I had.

I wanted answers. So I asked questions.

But who was I asking? Myself?

Was it possible for my self-conscious to even respond? No, that's impossible. It couldn't be.

But, I didn't know anymore. Right from wrong and wrong from right.

Someone needs to teach me. Karma or my mom. Which one do I trust more?

Which one do I want to have near me?

Which one do I need to have near me?

Confusion. Questions. More confusion. More questions. And silence.

That's what went about in my mind.

I needed something. I just didn't know what.

I wanted to be helped. I want to be helped.

"Karma-kun," I felt the words escape my mouth despite my coma like trance.

Why did I call out to him? Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

But I didn't know what. It wasn't Karma, I, for some reason, knew that. Could it be, me?

Was I the one who betrayed myself? Was I the one to cause such pain?

This was all so confusing. I don't know what to do.

Hell, now I'm repeating the same things over and over again. Does that mean, it's important? Does my mind want to sear this into my memory?

Just what was going on?