Dirty Little Secrets (Demily fanfic) [REWRITE IN PROGRESS]

Chapter 20: Losing Time {Short Chapter}

Chapter 20: Losing Time

Emily POV

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It's been 2 weeks since I found Spencer Reid's lifeless body laying on his bathroom floor. He had stopped calling to see how Derek was, and I started to worry. I drove by his apartment and knockd on the door. When there was no answer, I tried the knob. It was unlocked. I stepped into the apartment which was earily quiet and strangely messy. I called out for him, but again I was faced with no answer. I noticed a light from down the hall, and I followed it. Nothing could have prepared me for what I'd be seeing next. I rush to his side, pressing my hands to his neck, I felt nothing. I pulled out my cellphone and dialed 911. As officers, part of our training is in first aid so I began trying CPR. When paramedics arrived, they took over but were unable to resesitate him. He was too far gone. But only 3 words stick out. He was gone.

"Agent Prentiss?" I look up from my thoughts and find myself face to face with Erin Strauss. Just what I need...

"Strauss. It's so nice to see you. It's been quite some time." I reply with what I try to call a happy tone.

"I need you to come see me in my office as soon as you can." She gives me a small nod before walking away. Great, another intervention. I sigh heavily before putting down my pen and leaving my pile of paperwork behind.

I enter her office and she asks me to shut the door. "You wanted to see me?" I ask, sitting in the chair across from her.

"Agent Prentiss, you've been through more these past few years than anyone should have to go through in their entire life." She begins, looking me right in the eye. Keeping eye contact, I respond, "Yes. Is there a point to this, or are you just telling me things I already know?"

"Agent Prentiss, you were killed. But not really killed, just sent to Paris where you spent your days with a man who intended to marry you. In the meantime, you were also romantically involved with unit chief Aaron Hotchner. You soon found out that another coworker of yours, was hopelessly in love with you and torn up about your death. Ironically, you find each other. Shortly after your return you become pregnant. A few years later you're held hostage and watch as your own daughter is tortured and ultimately murdered."

Her words sting as the memories play back in my head. The memories I tried so hard to forget. In this moment, I hate her. I hate  Strauss for forcing me to think about the days I never want to remember.

"You've had countless love affairs in this office and line of work, it has set a bad example for others. Your partner, Derek Morgan and friend Jennifer Jereau were involved in a car accident a few weeks ago. You lost a close friend and ally that day. JJ will always be held dear to our hearts. You waited for weeks for your love interest-"

"My fiancé."

"My apologies. Your fiancé, to wake from his coma. A long, heart wrenching  process. Not to mention that SSA Spencer Reid committed suicide not 2 weeks ago, and you were the one to discover his b-"

"That's enough Strauss. If you were trying to break me, good job! Congratulations, you did it. But just because I've been through hell and back this past while doesn't mean I'm not alright. And even if I'm not, nothing that has happened to me is effecting my ability to do my job."

"Agent-"

"And if David could smell what I smell on your breath right now, you'd be suspended. Have a good day ma'am." And with that, I turn on my heals and leave. I didn't know I had the gut to stand up to Strauss, but I did. I've never felt better. It's unfortunate that Erin has fallen back into her ways, I know Rossi was excited she'd been sober for a year.

I walk back to my desk, sit down and begin going through my stack of paperwork once again. I find myself glance across the room, and everything seems different. So many cubicles seem empty. No JJ, no Reid, nor Derek... at one point there was no me. It's tragic the way that everything played out. The people in this office, the job we do, it brings us closer together. We are like family. But now... it just feels broken.

"What did Erin Strauss want with you?" A farmilliar voice asks from behind me.

"Just another intervention. Blah blah blah about how much I've been through. Blah blah blah about my office affairs. You know, the usual stuff."

"Are you alright?" He asks, seeming geniuinely concerned.

"I'm fine Aaron, but she's not." He sighs heavily, I think he's known for a while now.

"She's been drinking again, hasn't she?" I nod my head in response. "I've had my suspicions. Dave always assures me that I'm wrong. I'll need to tell him once I've spoken with her."

"Good idea." He turns to walk away, but looks back at me quickly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"You know Aaron, sometimes it's okay not to be okay." I flash him a smile before he walks away, returning one in favour. I find it odd how often I use Reid's words.  They've stuck to my heart ever since he said them to me. It allows me to believe that he knew what he was doing when he chose to end his life. It was coragious. Not selfish. He did it for her, and that gives me peace into what has happened.

All the people around me seem to be dying. Dying, or losing time. I was lucky enough to get a second chance I didn't deserve, but why god chose me, I cannot fathom to explain.