Dirty Little Secrets (Demily fanfic) [REWRITE IN PROGRESS]

Chapter 1: The Past (Rewritten)

Chapter 1: The Past (Derek)

"Emily just squeeze my hand if you can hear me. Just like that. You're gonna be okay Prentiss, I promise."
"Just let me go."
"No Emily I am not going to let you die! Come on baby just keep on squeezing my hand! Emily! Emily!"

"Emily!" I awake startled and soaked in a cold sweat. Adrenaline pulses through my body. I am reminded each night as I sleep, that my deer friend and colleague is gone. I promised her that she would be alright, and I should have known better than to make her promises I couldn't keep. She always hated broken promises. I begin to calm my nerves as they are startled again by the familiar sound of my phone. "Derek Morgan."

"Morgan, we've got a case." Unit chief Aaron Hotchner says in his regulated assertive tone. "I'll be there in 20." Sitting up in bed, I watch as the sweat beads off my skin and falls to the sheets below. I throw my legs over the side and force myself up despite the overbearing bout of depression I feel each morning. 

Making my way into the bathroom I splash my face with cold water, hoping to clean the night's demons away. Using a towel to dry my face, I look back at the reflection in the mirror and hardly recognize the figure staring back at me. Angry suddenly, I leave the bathroom and dress myself before becoming overwhelmed with the emotions I have no intention of feeling today. I manage to put myself together and walk out the door, where I start my way to the bureau where I know I will be reminded of her all day.

I step off the elevator and stop in my tracks when I see it. The hair, dark as it lay peacefully on her shoulders. The bangs tickling her eyebrows, almost long enough to reach her eyes. Straight faced, but always holding a smile behind tight lips. There her picture was, on the wall of fallen agents. They finally put it up. I find myself walking to it, to her, I touch the glass, and my fingers can almost feel the warmth on her cheek. Looking down at her brightly framed face a tear attempts to escape. I never intended to miss her his much.

I run my fingers over the plaque with her name sitting just under the picture. I wish I had spent more time with her while she was here. I wish that I would have been there for her more than I was. That can't bring her back now; nothing can. I will have to learn to come to terms with that.

Walking into the office my eyes instinctively trail over to her desk. I imagine her smiling face as she looked through files. Always prepared for what the day had in store. She was the strongest member of our team. Even when she was dying.

I pick up the name plate on her desk. It feels so familiar to me. As if I knew every letter underneath my fingertips as well as I know myself. Although recently, I've been a little lost in my demeanor. Since she died, it seems as though the entire world has changed, so who's to say that I haven't. Staring at her name, I swear I can smell her perfume. Or maybe the scent just lingers on her desk.

I notice movement in Hotch's office and look up to see him waving a hand, motioning for me to come see him. As I climb the steps one by one, I wonder how many times Emily's black rubber sole combat boots had done the same thing. I walk through the door to find Hotch leaning against his desk. "Morning, debrief?" I ask in the best normal tone I can muster up.

"Morgan, Prentiss' death has been hard on you." Cut to the chase, Hotch's regular style of duty unsurprisingly. I sometimes wonder if the man has any feelings at all. He hasn't been even remotely phased since everything happened. "Yes, it has, so?" I reply, sounding more defensive than I had intended.

"Derek you should take a few personal days." We just lost a member of our team. It's like losing a limb. We're all grieving around here but him. Hotch is all business as usual, let's just not even acknowledge that the team dynamic has changed. "No, Hotch, I'm not taking any time off." I say, yet again the anger and urgency to leave the room shows in my voice. "Derek, take a few weeks."