If you want to know why I do things, bad things. Why I do all the things that ruin myself, the reason is him.
I did it, because I want to make him hate me, I want to make him not remember the person who I used to be when we were together, I don't want him to remember me as myself.
Why?
I don't even know why, but for some fucked up reason, I just don't want him to know me anymore. I don't want him to read me like an open book, like he used to do.
Does it matters? No, It doesn't.
He doesn't care about me anymore, he doesn't feel the spark anymore, he doesn't love me anymore and I didn't cross his thoughts anymore.
But everytime he gave me that side glance whenever we pass each other at the hallway, I can feel his eyes burning to my skin, I can feel the way his eyes roam my body, capturing me, just like he used to do.
And I live for that small encounter with him, that never fail to made me curious about what was going on inside his head.
I want to know his thought when he sees me like this, changing, different, ruined. Because for a while, I was on his mind, I was dominating his thoughts.
It may seems a little fucked up, or maybe it is fucked up. But as long as he think of me, bad or good. At least I could cross his mind, I was there again, just like the old days.
Even if its just for a little while.
YOU ARE READING
Before The Dawn | ✔
Non-Fictionafter all you don't need water to feel like drowning, do you? --- dedicated to you, the only person who took my breath away with your pretty lies and empty promises. © Copyrights Reserved
