Before The Dawn | ✔

9:07 am

I remember one of my old friend once told me that if he could erase the best memories he ever had, he would.

I didnt understand, why. Because in my defence, why would someone do that?

So I told him, isn't the past suppose to be the one that made you who you are right now? he said yes.

He looked at me for a while, I still remember that look. The pain in his eyes, I could almost feel it but he smiled. It didn't reach his eyes, but he smiled.

Why? I asked.

He was hesistant for a moment until he finally said, I want to erase them because they made me remember. They made me think that if only I made different choices maybe it would be different than it is right now. They made me regret, and I don't like being self-inflicted. They made me wish to turn back time and change everything, I don't like that. And to top it all, they made me feel homesick for something that does not exist, is that even possible?

I didnt answer him that day.

I gave him a thight hug before we both went to our seperate way, I never see him again since.

But sometimes, days like this. I remember what he said, the pain he felt, the numbness that he faced.

I realize I feel the same way.

I feel homesick, for a place that does not even exist.

And its all because of my own memories.