i am trying to put myself back together / slam chapbook

welcome back

i am fifteen.
it is the summer
before sophomore year
i have seen four friends the entire time.
one being my cousin.
i have texted two other friends
and one angry ex-girlfriend.
all i have done
the entire vacation
is binge watch teen drama
and contemplate
where the fuck
all of my people went!

i contemplate this once more
while i sit staring at my mom's cousin's
ceiling -
my mom isn't even here! -
and wonder when my mom's cousin's son
got so big.
the last i remember him,
he was throwing little people™ at me.
two years ago.
two years ago that kid was the only thing that could make me happy
how can two years lead to this:
i'm sitting with my cousin on the couch wearing shorts and a flowy top
thouroughly prepared to live
even though i'm missing
what i had to begin with.