Songbird (Tradley AU)

Chapter Eight - Don't You Know You Are Golden

I smiled at Brad as I helped him unpack his last box, his mum making dinner in the small kitchen of the flat (she insisted). As I put the final book on the shelf I turned to the small brummie boy.

"Are you sure you wanna tell her tonight?" I questioned quietly"I don't want you to feel pressured to do it just because I'm here."

Brad shook his head "I want to. I need to." He smiled as he walked over to me, we were in his room and the door was closed so we could discuss the plan for Brad to come out tonight. We fell quiet, just looking at each other before brads fingertips grazed my cheek, gently caressing the rough skin. I leant into his touch ever so slightly before my eyes fluttered closed and I was leaning in to kiss him.

We shared a short, soft moment. The kind that says I'm here for you, whatever happens without any words at all, before pulling away from each other.

"Curley..." I said quietly with a sigh
Be my boyfriend

"Mhm?" He hummed, looking up at me with his gorgeous eyes

"...I...be...come and sit on the bridge with me tomorrow morning?" I sighed quietly, pushing back a small lock of his hair that had fallen over his eyebrow.

"The big bridge?" He asked quietly "...is that where you go to leave roses for James?"

I nodded quietly, kicking myself on the inside for not asking him what I so desperately wanted to. But also feeling nervous to take him to the bridge.

A few minutes later we were called out of the bedroom to sit down for dinner. We ate in silence, Brad barely eating anything due to nerves. I gently took his hand in mine under the table, our fingers lacing together like the ribbons on a ballerinas shoe, twisting and turning and wrapping around each other gracefully yet securely.

Once dinner was done, Brad's mum took the plates out to the kitchen and began washing them up in the sink. I glanced at Brad and smiled as he stood up and freed his hand from my gentle grasp, heading out to the kitchen.

I kept myself quiet so I could listen to the conversation, their voices echoing through the apartment.

"Mum..." Brad said in an almost whisper "can I talk to you about something?"

"Yep." He hummed, sounding like she was smiling "are you okay honey? What's up?"

"I'm...well...I'm, w-what I mean is...what I need to say is..." He stammered before I heard footsteps, his mum walking over to him.

"You're what? Spit it out,
Come on." She said, sounding concerned.

"I'm..." Brad sighed before I couldn't hold myself back anymore, I had to go and help him, I couldn't bare to hear him so nervous.

I walked into the kitchen, seeing Brad's wide nervous eyes watching me walk over to him and take his face in my hands and pulled his lips to mine, engulfing him in a deep kiss, the kind a groom shares with his newly wed on their wedding day. As we kissed we ended up stepping backwards so Brad was leaning against the kitchen counter.

I heard Brad's mum gasp a little as Brad kissed me back and wrapped his arms around my waist, keeping them low and loose.

He pulled away first and smiled shyly at me "I'm gay." He said, a small smile on his face.

"Did you have to do it like that?" She asked, sounding a little disgusted, looking her son up and down "did you have to kiss infront of me? It's kinda wrong? I understand you're happy, you don't have to prove it to me.."

"I-I'm sorry." Brad stammered "I didn't plan...it wasn't going to...I'm sorry mum, I won't do it again." He whispered, looking at me briefly for reassurance "um...I don't know, this wasn't how I wanted this to go...I'm so sorry mum."

"It's fine." She dismissed with a sigh "is that your boyfriend."

Brad sighed and shook his head gently, looking down at the floor, but not before catching a glance at his mothers disgusted face as she realised that we weren't dating but hooking up anyway.

"That's disgusting." She almost spat "how can you? What makes you want to do that? Brad I'm so confused! How did you end up like this!?"

"I don't know, I'm sorry, it wasn't your fault. It's mine." He sighed, not looking up "I'm so sorry."

She shook her head with another sigh "it's fine, I'm going, I have some things to discuss with your father." He said before picking up her bag and showing herself out of the apartment, leaving Brad and I alone again. A few silent moments passed as we stood in the kitchen processing everything that happened before Brad carried himself to his room, myself following suit.

"I'm proud of you Curley." I smiled as we sat down on his bed, Brad having stripped down to his underwear without a word, he was clearly depressed and upset.

Just in the way James was when his dad couldn't accept him for him. It'll get better Curley, I promise baby, it's hard now, but it gets better, I'll help you just in the way I helped James

"Thanks.' He sighed, getting into bed and pulling the covers over himself as he turned so that his back was to me.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, resisting the urge to trace the lines his shoulder muscles created in his flesh with my finger, the way I would've for James when he was upset, he always found it relaxing.

"I'm fine.' He hummed, turning over onto his back before letting out a long sigh as he stared up at the ceiling, tears dancing in his eyes.

"You're not fine Curley." I whispered, shuffling so I was laying next to him, staring at the ceiling as if it contained a thousand stars and wishes, as if it held the answers to the questions that were hanging and lingering in the air. "What's going on in your mind right now, hm? What are you thinking about?"

Brad shook his head and let out another sigh, this one shorter than the last. We lay in the silence for a good few hours before I realised that Brad has managed to think himself to sleep, he was laying in such a way that he made me think of sleeping beauty, his hands folded neatly over his exposed chest, his breathing slow and rhythmic, all he needed was moonlight to dance on his slightly parted lips and he'd be a Disney prince, one that was seemingly too perfect to exist in real life.

No no no no no what are you doing you're falling too far for him, James was your Prince Charming, he wouldn't want you to think of anyone else like that, you can't forget about him, your promised you wouldn't, what are you doing you can't fall for him, stop Tristan. James is your one true love, nobody else can match him.

I let out a small breath as I argued with my inner monologue, my conscience being torn in to two halves, one wanting to keep things how they were, being miserable, but being miserable for James, being miserable because it meant I could never forget him if all that consumed me was his sadness.

The other half of me wanting to be happy and live again after so long of feeling dead, after so long of being depressed, and it seemed as though Brad would be my happiness, this other half wanting to let him in, tell him everything, let him understand and let him love me, it yearned to be able to love someone again, it yearned to kiss him goodnight and wish him only the sweetest dreams, the way James always would for me.

I ended up arguing with myself until the early hours of the morning, not being able to tear my eyes away from the sleeping boy by my side.