empty → nate maloley

twenty four

if you play the song "I Found" by Amber Run while reading this.... tears will be shed. so i suggest you do it :)))

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i stayed over at dana's for the night, times like this i really miss my dad and bryan. when bryan said  he'd talk to dad, he did. dad said i couldn't come back until nate was out my life and of course i'd told him 'i guess i'll never come back then'.

nate didn't call or text, but it's fine. i was in the wrong, i said some things i shouldn't have but it was the pressure talking. i know i'll have to apologize later. 

after school, i drove back to nate's. knowing he keeps the door unlocked, i slowly walk in. before i could close the door i see nate walking out the kitchen, he stops when he notices me. 

"hey." he mutters. 

"hey." i reply, closing the door behind me. 

"how was your test?" nate asked me but he wouldn't look at me, he stared down at his shoes instead. 

"it was okay." i say with a nod. nate nodded as well and it was silence afterwards. i sigh knowing i had to be the one to break the ice, "look about last night, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to say it, i-"

"then why'd you say?" he interrupted, looking up at me. the anger was clear in eyes but his face remained calm. 

"because that's how i feel nate." i slump my shoulder. "it sucks being compared to your deceased girlfriend." i felt like the word dead was rude to use in this situation. 

"it sucks to have a dead girlfriend!" he spit, raising his voice. 

i wince at his sudden volume change. "i know." i frown, "it's just-"

"it's just what mia?" nate interrupts again and stands straight, crossing his big arms across his chest. 

"i don't want to be with you..." i cringe at my own words and pause so i can rephrase myself. "i can't be with you if i remind you of mary jane."

nate sighs, "mia-"

"no." i interrupt him this time. "just listen, i am not mary jane, i am mia. we're two different people. it's like always being compared to your better older sibling. it's not fun. i know mary jane was your first love but i'm not going to sit around and act like it doesn't bother me when it really does." 

"then why didn't you fucking say anything?"

"to avoid this!" i shout. "you were happy, every time you talked about her your face lights up like a christmas tree and who was i to take that away from you?"

"you're the smile on my face, mia." nate grunts, tugging on his hair as he paces back and forth. 

"when i'm being compared to mary jane. you're not over her nate and it's okay, i get it, but i'm not going to-"

"i am over her!" he defends himself. 

i shake my head, "no you're not. you miss her nate. you're still in mourning and haven't let it go and i'm not going to push you to." nate continues to pace and runs his fingers through his hair. 

"shut up mary jane!" he blares at me, making me jump. his face softens after he realized what he just did. "mia..."

i chuckle and shake my head. "see, you even called me by her name." i take a deep breath. i know what i need to say. "maybe we should break up." 

nate quickly snaps his head towards. "bullshit, no."

"i can't and will not be your doll to shift into mary jane." i say. "you can't make me like her and i'll never be her. i'm sorry." 

nate just stands there, trying to take in everything i just said to him. his chest heaves up and down but he's not crying. he looks more in shock more than sad. i frown and take steps towards him, i grab his face in my hands making him look at me. his eyes were glossy and red like he was about to start crying. it pained me seeing him this way. he looked... empty.

"goodbye nate." i press a soft kiss to his lips and quickly retreat before he had time to kiss back. i let him go and walk out his door, not daring to look back 

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WELP THIS WAS THE LAST CHAPTER AND IM LOWKEY IN TEARS BUT THATS OKAY

i hope you guys enjoyed this book as much as i did and this isn't the end of mia and nate, the sequel will be up sometime later today... or in a few minutes ;)))

anyway thanks for the love on this book i really appreciate it.

don't forget to read my two new books: caroline or jane the virgin

~kacey