Annoying sunshine // Phan {COMPLETED}

Chapter 4 // crush ?

Phil
I sat on my coach thinking about what I had seen .

Dan , I had saw Dan .

Not the anti social "emo" boy at the back of the class . The obviously hurting and wounded Dan .

Flashback
I was sitting In his apartment admiring the simple decor . It had been about 10 minutes since he went to the bathroom .I was starting to get a little worried that he had fainted or fallen over but I assured myself he was okay . For about two minutes .

I wandered down his hallway trying to find the bathroom . His house was quite big yet everything was close to each other . It was quite bland but I didn't expect much from it , Dan didn't seem like the interior decorator type . Nor one to be quite colour full or decorative .

When I got to the bathroom , the door was opened so I looked in .

I saw Dan staring at his reflection . He truly was beautiful . His big eyes were a dark shade of hazel  , His face was perfectly sculpted .

Dans hair was shaved at the sides and styled like mine only in the different direction and his was brown . He had a cute button nose perfectly fitting with the rest of his face like a Greek god statue . He had adorable chubby cheeks and a few freckles . His lips were my favourite feature they were a perfect shade of pink and where plump they always seemed to be in a slight frown though .

That's what I would've thought of Dan about a hour ago .

I looked at him now . His eyes where now bloodshot no longer holding the perfect shade of hazel but now dark and red , his tear  stained cheeks were now covered in knuckle prints and were swelling up , littered with purple , green and brown bruises starting to form . Dans hair was no longer perfectly styled and was now messy and slightly curled his small ringlets dropping down onto his face . His lips where no longer the perfect shade of pink they where dry and covered in blood stains from the cut that was drying up on his bottom lip . His nose was no longer perky and cute it was disfigured and bleeding .

I stopped staring at dans face and my eyes trailed down to his jumper and his stomach .anger started to boil inside of me as I gawked at his pale skin covered in bruises and scars . How could they do that to such a special person .

His soft stomach was covered in bruises and wounds .

He had a purple bruise forming near his ribs . His stomach looked like someone had smudged green  and red eye shadow over it . Bruises in the shapes of shoes covered his lower stomach bigger circle bruises where around his ribs and hips.

The worst were his cuts , they where covering everywhere . Some where deep and some where shallow they where all different but most of them where just scars yet some where fresh and open bleeding from where they had been kicked open . My mouth was hanging open staring at his body .

I watched as he traced his fingers Around his cuts and bruises almost admiring them .

I let out a cough snapping Dan out if his trance . He jumped back his head hitting the towel hanger , shoving his jumper right down . A worried expression appeared on his face I could tell he didn't want me to see anything . I tried my best to hide my shock at what I had seen .

"What are you doing here " Dan said his voice high pitched and scared . "I helped you up the stairs you were really quiet so I came to see if you were okay" obviously not Phil I thought I'm my head .

"Well I'm fine ,go now " Bitter Dan , I thought but he was obviously  panicked . "Okay bye see you soon " I spun on my heel hoping maybe the little action would make Dan feel I was happy and think I didn't see . I unlocked the door and went to start my walk to go get my car .

Flashback over
Still staring at my blank tv thoughts were running through my head .
What could I do ?
Why did dan hurt himself that much ?
Why is he always sad ?
When did he start ?
Why do the bullies hurt such a precious person ?
And the most important

Do I have a crush on dan ?

------magical time skip ------

It was morning I didn't feel like going to school today , even if I would be stressing about dan all day . I don't know why , heck I had only known him for 2 days and our conversations weren't all positive or even real conversations just me rambling on and dan paying no attention . He would rather watch paint dry than listen to me . I was nothing to him , or anyone else .

That remained my thoughts for the rest of the day just sitting there thinking about dan what I had seen and why I was so intrigued by him .

By the end of the day I felt as if I needed some escape from my thoughts . Drinking was the preferred option. drinking was my ultimate escape from reality and myself . It made me lose control and it made me peaceful . I hated drinking a lot yet I always seem to find myself with a empty bottle or can in my hand .

I had been Alcohol free for about a week . Long time right . It was for me  , 2 days was for me . When the thought of starting at a fresh school came in my head I was terrified that meant control and I couldn't deal with that .

Control , terrified me . The fact that I could do anything to anyone when my brain had control scared me , I didn't trust myself one bit .

I wasn't mentally stable enough to control a future or smart enough to make choices that will affect me one day . That's why they died . My mum and dad killed them selfs because of the control , the fact that they had no control over me terrified them so much they lost control of themselves .

My constant drinking , smoking , swearing and gang involvements made them worry but I never realised,  even if I did at that point I didn't care . The thought of me in constant danger terrified them so much they ended there life's .

My parents where always unstable in my Mind they were 16 and 17 when they had me , I was practically raised by my nan until I was old enough to look after myself .

My parents were crazy to say the least they would be constantly drunk and abusive towards me . So my young teen brain decided to get back at there trash parenting by rebelling at there then sorted out life's .

I was then a devil child .

I only realised after they were gone that I was Turning into a worse version of them . I regretted everything after that . But I still needed a escape and alcohol was the only way I knew how .

I stopped drugs and gangs but kept my longtime friend the bottle ,  I went to many different schools and plastered a smile on at every knew one . I began to heal , but still taking some of my past with me .

My flashbacks were disturbed by a bottle smashing near my feet . I cursed under my breath as each shard of glass pricked into my feet . I picked up the big pieces of smashed bottle enjoying the pain in my feet as the small flakes Pierced my skin  . But I liked the pain .

After drinking a shot My head was now tipsy and I was excited . Stumbling around my apartment . Yelling random song lyrics as I went .

I clambered up the stairs to reach my bedroom glancing at my clock to see through blurry eyes that it was around 12 pm not early and not late . Perfect .

I lay down on my bed . My head getting heavy as soon as it hit the comfy pillow . I snuggled under the blanket falling into a deep sleep . Dreaming about house plants and me and dan .