Annoying sunshine // Phan {COMPLETED}

Chapter 14 // unease

Phil woke up first . He looked down at his chest where dans head was rested , he played with the brown ringlets in dans hair . He smiled to himself as he thought of dan . He had to admit most of the times with dan where bad but everything was worth it now that he was waking up to a sleepy dan rested in his chest .

He was perfect . Dam was perfect , not to many people but to Phil he was everything . He could no longer imagine his life with out dan . He never wanted to loose him again , not for a second.

"P-Phil " dan tightened his grip around Phils shirt , burning his head in Phils skinny body . "Yes dan " Phil continued to run his fingers through dans curly . "Morning , boyfriend " dan sat up as Phils cheeks flushed red reminding him that dan was his , and his only .

For the rest of the day they sat in the bed , mostly in silence but some conversation was shared . There silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable , it was nice and peaceful . The air wasn't thick and stuffy it was clear and made the room feel inhabitable  .

The nurses came in to check on Dan . They said that he could be released soon but would have to go to a therapist  . Although it was good news that dan could be let go dan had yet to tell phil that he had no where to go . His father would have probably gone by now but still paranoia would Constantly inhabit dan every second he was in the house .

Dan
The bed was boring . The walls where white . Sunshine peeped through the curtains . But you're much more bright .

I was making a poem in my head . About Phil . Words are a good escape ,yet words are the thing I'm running from . I needed people to talk faster then my anxiety would go away faster . Every time the nurse or doctor opens the door to tell me something a void of nerves open in my stomach , endless possibilities of words flood in drowning any calm or happiness that I might have . Every time Phil talks endless possibilities of words flood in . Some could be good but I don't think about that , only the bad . I'm scared that one day Phil will say something bad , something that will kill me .

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt . That's the biggest piece of bull I have ever heard .

Still Phil never says any of these thing , he only says kind things . Telling me you'll be fine dan . I'll protect you . And other random things Phil says . I won't be okay though , I'll never be okay . I can have a stable happy life , but I'll never stop thinking . Never stop thinking about every little piece of my existence , every little word people say . I'll never forget what I've done .

Phil won't forget . He won't forget the day I finally tell him everything , the day when his perspective on me changes . I have problems to big and broken to be fixed .

I killed someone

The fact was no longer true . But still the concept of my actions replays over and over in my head like a old jukebox playing its last songs . Still this wasn't my biggest worry .

You still owe them

Them . I still owed the gangs that played a part in the destroying my life . My life was destained to crash and burn but these people kept the ashes in a pot kept at the back of my Mind eating away at my sanity . I knew one day , when there war gets to cold they'll chuck me straight into it , I could have a family then , a job and something at least a little bit normal in my life . But it will all be taken away , there's no point building any further .

But still I tell my mind that there's no point , just give up . Yet when ever I'm with Phil it all changes I want to give up , I don't want the pain of Phil leaving me . I don't want to build ,only for it to be knocked down.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

" hello Daniel " my therapist said . He was sitting across the room from me in a red chair , trying to look supportive and trust worthy . His over sized glasses covered most his face . His hair was slicked back and he had a pitch black suit on , yet still his face looked oddly familiar . I suppose he was just a type of doppelgänger.

"Hey " I replied .

"So tell me why you're here , today "

"Isn't that what you're supposed to know , I'm the mental one , after all . Doc. "

"Okay . I see you're one of 'them' " he laughed to himself . I tried to make it obvious I wasn't impressed .

"And by 'them' you mean the people who don't give about you're thought or special degree , because deep down we all know you're dealing with you're own mental crisis which could one day cause you a server case of 'rocking chair regret ' " I made a sarcastic jazz hands at the therapist .

"Well Daniel , haven't really changed have you " the therapist said . He soon came to realisation of his statement that left me utterly confused . "I-I mean ... Since you're report " he quickly regained his posture and stated flicking through pages .

"I see you didn't have any relatives down only one number . A Phillip lester , tell me where are you're parents " he said . Well there dead and abusive , is that a good enough reason .

"I prefer to not talk about imbeciles with random strangers " a smiled at the therapist he just glared back and narrowed his eyes only earning another sarcastic smile from me .

"I need to know everything Daniel in ord-"

"Then I suppose you go talk to someone else! , because taking to suicidal teens isn't gunna get you any answers and you certainly ain't going to get anything . Incept a very weak punch in the face " I got up off my , uncomfortable chair and walked out .

"Bye Daniel , see you soon " the therapist said . It didn't sound right though , his voice now sounded twisted , laced with a secret meaning . I could almost feel the smirk on my face .

I walked out the room my body instantly being enveloped in a hug from Phil . I laughed into his shoulder and walked down the hall way to my hospital room .

The worries went away . Until again I was left with my own thoughts .