Annoying sunshine // Phan {COMPLETED}

Chapter 16 // tiles

Okay can we just take a minute . 300 + reads JUST WHATTTT . THAT IS iNSane . WOW . Thank you so so so much . WARNING , Lil smut in this chapter .

Phil
God he was bad . Bad at hiding he feelings that is . Dan was on edge about everything in the last few days I asked him about it but he just nervously laughed it of like it was nothing . I could tell it wasn't nothing , I knew he was hiding stuff from me .

Dan was living at mine for a while he said something about his house reminding him of bad things but he still never told me what the bad things where . That's the thing about dan he only ever seemed to give me half the story . He only gave me half the puzzle .

I had told dan nearly everything and he had just showed me . He hadn't explained everything . I know that it's probably personal to dan but did he not trust me ? I am his boyfriend we should know everything about each other, right ?

If dan was in trouble I'm sure I could help him . But still I can't help but think of the time in the hospital when I explained everything to him , how his face dropped and his skin went pale every single time I mentioned the gangs his mind just seemed to go blank and he just snapped back out of it whenever I talked about I different subject . My brain keeps trying to tell me you're probably just imagining things , making something out of nothing . But still was I really .

"Phil , Phil " dan was clicking his fingers in my face . "Yeah sorry w-what were you saying " my eyes met with dans I could see he was now worried . "It's nothing , phil are you okay ? You seemed kinda lost " .

"Yeah I'm fine , you okay ?" Dam obviously picked up on the deeper meaning of my question because when I normally asked dan 'are you okay ?' I meant it as Are you gunna go attempt anything way .

"Yeah fine just ... Peachy " he smiled , I giggled at his reply .

"What do you want for dinner ? "

"Pizza , please " dan said , popping the p in please . "Okay , one second " I went to the kitchen to see if there was any pizza or if I would have to order one . I got the unwelcome feeling of Cold on my feet . Even with cold socks on the hard , cold kitchen floor still annoyed me . Not really a massive hurdle in the aspect of all the issues in the universe but still can't someone find a solution . I found myself overly annoyed at the tiles on my floor and ended up staring at them with rage hoping that I had some form off telekineses , I guess .

I was so caught up in my rage with the floor , that I was oblivious to the fact that dan had walked in to see me ,

Staring angrily .

At tiles .

He laughed and I quickly resumed to looking through the the freezer . Ignoring the cold inhabiting my feet and my now flushed red cheeks .

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"Yeah , pepperoni - okay , thanks " I put down the phone and went back to the living room to see a sleeping dan . He was huddled up in a ball mumbling slightly .

I sat there for the next ten minutes admiring dan . The doorbell rang for the pizza , I payed the man and went back to the living room to see dan rolled over , giving himself a handjob , while murmuring something I couldn't quite understand .

I stepped back and went into my room , well mine and dan to give him some privacy . About 30 seconds later it became apparent to me that dan was in fact moaning , my name and multiple other curse words .

I couldn't deny it dan moaning my name was turning me on but still I hadn't eaten a proper meal in ages  . I wandered if I should go help dan but I didn't want him to think I was taking advantage of him , also I knew how self conscious he was . I wouldn't really like it if he done it to me . Really .

After dan finally reached his climax , I guess he just went back to sleep like nothing had happened . Had he done this before ? , I was a pretty deep sleeper but I am sure I would've woken up if dan was almost screaming my name . Anyone would've .

After I finished about 4 slices of my pizza I got the familiar sinking feeling in my stomach . I knew I shouldn't have gone into the bathroom but still , I did . I pulled up my shirt to see my boney frame yet still i thought I was fat . Ugly I thought .

I leant over the toilet at shoved my fingers down my throat and let my mind drift dark places .

You killed them .
You're ugly and fat .
Dan doesn't love you he never will know one ever will , not even you're parents did .

I had almost stopped believing these things until I was left alone to think , to reflect . I had done horrible things even if dan told me that I should forgive myself . I will never forgive myself , of course . But one day hopefully I'll stop punishing myself for it .

Soon enough the pizza was being thrown back up into the toilet . I stood back up cleaning my hands and washing out my mouth , I looked back into the mirror to see a body I still wasn't happy with . Yet now I knew that , tomorrow I would wake up looking the exact same .

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Sooo hope you guys liked this chapter . I CANT WAIT FOR dapgoose it's gunna be my first time seeing d&p irl . ( does that sound cringy and like a 9 year old obsessed with Jacob sartorius , sorry if it does ).

So yeah are any of you guys going ??

Updates soon I'm gunna try update every week but it will probably be every 8 days because I just need a day when I can think imaginatively , if that makes sense , that sounded really pretentious .

Anyways rambling now ,

Cya you sexy noodles ~