Life's Not A Doughnut

Chapter 13 ~ After

Thursday night rolls around and I'm beside Mum on the couch watching some nature documentary about predators.

My mother is nibbling away at some cheese, crackers and dip which she offers to me every five minutes, even when I keep saying no. She is flicking through a Women's Weekly magazine at the same time while she feels the need to hum an unknown tune.

I could just be tired or stressed, but she is irritating me.

Isn't summer supposed to be problem free?

I begin to flick through the channels to distract myself.

"I was watching that," She murmurs while keeping her eyes on the page.

"No you weren't."

"I was at least listening to it."

I roll my eyes, "You can't read and listen to a documentary at the same time."

She isn't feeling argumentative today and drops the conversation, letting me have the last word. I find a show about a baking competition and decide it's better than watching animals hunt and tear each other's heads off.

I haven't seen anyone since I saw Mia yesterday at the bakery. I can't get her reaction to me and Will kissing out of my head. The way she looked at me, her body language, it all seemed strange. She has always been ok with me and Will, through our antics and our fights and our affection.

"Nora, I think you need an early night."

"Why?"

She glances up at me, "Those bags under your eyes speak for themselves."

"I'm not tired."

"Nora," Her voice firms, "You need to get more sleep. I know things are hard back here for you but the more sleep you get the better you will feel."

"You have no idea what is going on in my life, Mum."

"I know more than you think I do. The O'Brien's again, Nora? Really?"

"How do you-" I stop and calculate, "You read my journal?"

"I did no such thing! I didn't have to, you are a very predictable person."

"What are you implying, mother?" I seethe.

"You don't think about what you are doing and then you've done it and it's too late."

"I'm not the same person I was when I left, I'm trying to fix the mess I made."

"Are you fixing it? Or are you letting people pull you around just to please them?"

I stand and throw the remote on the ground. "I'm not a push over!"

"I didn't say that. Please don't throw a tantrum, Nora, it's very immature."

I growl in frustration and storm to my room.

"I'm trying to help you!"

I slam the door on my mother's voice and breathe heavily. I grind my teeth with a clenched jaw, trying hard to relax. A few deep breaths and I'm ok again, walking over to sit on the edge of my bed. It's a single bed because I had the double bed with Mia at her house. I was only ever home half of the time, so I didn't really care what size bed I slept in.

My thoughts wander, urging me to pull a box from under my bed. I lift it up and put it on my lap. I unseal the duck taped lid and pull it off to look inside. It is a box full of my life, full of every thought and every secret I've ever had.