[ 13.2 ]

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I ran without looking back, fast before he could hear my sobs. I am a fool, why did I even allow myself to fall for him? It was hopeless, I knew it from the start --- but my heart never listens. Tears falling, I burst as I ran to the hallways. I wanted to escape, far from the palace away from everyone else.

I found myself heading to the West gate. It took me a while to control myself and stop my crying. It felt like I have ran out of tears, anger replaced my dissapointment. Angry at myself!

The guards were about to close the gates but I managed to slip through unnoticed. Outside, the patrolling guards did not care about my strolling. I ran and ran crossed the bridge and down the forest. There, I broke into tears even more again. I couldn't stop it.

My heart was marred, deeply, bearing a scar that would never fade

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My heart was marred, deeply, bearing a scar that would never fade. I ran to the misty forest leaping over logs until my feet can carry me no more. I panted, still clearing my thoughts and drying my cheeks. My tired feet needed rest and I decided to stop, arching my back while catching my breath.

Up the skies, stars kindled above, dimmer than dim, blue, I thought. I wish I have someone to talk to. The terrible feeling was piling up and it's becoming heavy and heavy over time.Why does it hurt so much? If this is love, I do not want it.

It is too heavy, too devastating. For a moment I gathered myself thinking of better things to think, I am drowning inside. If only a scream would do any good, I could have shouted my loudest. Then the moment passed and I cried again. Weary were my eyes and tears had stopped for a while, but then they fell over again when the thought of him came. Finally, I sat on the grass to calm myself. After a while of shedding tears, my chest felt a little lighter. The night was deep and cold, I thought of getting back to the palace but my eyes have swollen. I don't want Legolas to see me like this, nor stand before the king with puffed eyes. For a moment, I watched the full moon and wondered where Miraak could be.

I wish the beast could be of company, just for a while.

Miraak, I prayed, 'where ever you are, I wish you are here. Feel my sorrow, feel my pain. Let it guide your path to me. May this flame in my heart light your way, glide with the wind and come.' I have never prayed to a dragon before, not until now. I was hoping too much, how will it ever find me?

I decided to stay and rest under the shade of a young tree. It was safe to sleep outside of those elvish walls, I suppose. Wolves don't venture this far, goblins won't dare cross the borders. Resolved of my safety, I climbed up its branch, struggled to pull myself up but finally able to secure a place six feet above the grass. This was my first time sleeping up a tree, so stupid.

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