Twenty-Four: Realize

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Twenty-Four: Realize
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Song of the chapter:
Place For Us by Mikky Ekko

((ITS FROM THE CATCHING FIRE SOUNDTRACK THAT MEANS IT IS DEFINITELY A FANTASTIC PIECE OF MUSIC ALRIGHT))
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Darkness surrounded the two of us as we stood closer than we ever had. His upper-half was pressed to my body, transferring a comfort that couldn't be put into words. His arms were secured around me, his thumbs slowly brushing my arm through the material on my sweatshirt. His chin rested over top of my head, causing my face to be buried into his neck. Each time I breathed in, I breathed him in. Not only his scent, but his presence. His longing for me. His compassion for me.

I wasn't sure exactly what to do or what to say, for that matter, so I wrapped my arms around his waist, finding myself moving in closer with every chance I had.

It was so different to be in that position with someone. Being around people other than Mark was so foreign but Justin changed that. He broke down the walls that I put up out of hatred, sorrow, and insecurities. And that was it. Those were the only valid explanations behind me being the way I was. It wasn't anyone's fault, essentially. I was the one who let my mother and father get to me so badly. I was the one who was too stubborn to talk to other people. I was the one who was so blinded by my own imperfections that I didn't even try to see past them. I brought all of it upon myself.

"Natalie?" Justin murmured.

I moved my face out of his neck and looked up at him for the first time in a little while. The last time either of us said anything was before he kissed me for the second time. There was nothing to say, truthfully. Everything that could have been said already was. There was no taking anything back.

"Yeah?"

He ran his tongue over his lips and looked down for a moment as if he was contemplating what he wanted to say. As of the previous few days, he had been doing that a lot-- second guessing everything he said to me and did around me. Almost as if he was worried I would get mad or upset or anything of that nature.

How can you blame him? You're practically a ticking time bomb.

"Nothing has to change between us, you know," he sighed, his eyes flickering back up to mine again. I didn't say a word, unsure of what he was implying. "We can stay friends if that's what you want. I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do. It's not fair for me to do that to you. I just-- I had to kiss you. There's times where I just can't help it. There's something about you that makes me insane for the good and the bad, but I couldn't stop myself. Especially now. Now that I know that this is what I want, it's hard for me to move past it. But if you don't want what I want, that's okay. I understand. I can move on."

"Justin--"

"Listen to me," he interrupted. "It sounds crazy but I never, ever thought I would feel anything close to what I felt with Katherine again. I thought that she was the only one for me and there was no one else out there. But then you," he smirked softly, looking relieved at the thought of me. "you came along out of nowhere and you changed that for me. It took me a while to figure it out but when I did, it hit me. It hit me really hard. I need to tell you that I care about you a lot. I don't know if that makes me really stupid or if I'm doing the right thing, but--"

Suddenly I found myself sliding my hands up to the back of his neck, only to pull his face down and capture his lips in my own. He was caught off guard, as was I, but for once I knew that going with my stomach was the right thing to do. Listening to my head all the time only got me into trouble.

Maybe it was time I start listening to what I really want.

Slowly, I pulled away and allowed my eyes to flutter open into his. "You're not stupid," I whispered.

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