R e t r o s p e c t • PSYPHY

Chapter 5: F o r e t h o u g h t

It was one of those morbid moments where you attempted to mend an already bad situation, only to make it worse than it was. The blood remained peppered on my face as I stared wide eyed. Amongst the many screams and wails of terror, the robber and policeman were silent. The officer had then limply fell forward to the ground with a thud. A small pool of blood soaked in the carpet below him. The passengers in the cart effectively lost control. The train quickly came to a halt at a randomly unscheduled location. Passengers began to haphazardly disperse in different directions. There was so much commotion that the shooter had been knocked over and was currently getting trampled to death. The other law officials on the train had been hollering to one another trying to get to this cart. But the people were running on top of one another trying to escape, the officers weren't getting through anytime soon. Arianna, was of no exception. As she left the seat next to me she stopped mid step, and glanced at me for a brief moment. Her eyes were watering, and her expression was asking why all this had happened.

In this moment where our gazes met I couldn't come up with a response to what I know she was thinking. I was thinking something along the lines of, I'm sorry. But those words failed to emit and Arianna had already exited the train cart. I was still sitting there, my glance had shifted to the body of the deceased police officer. Despite everyone on the train seemingly to be on one accord to get the hell out of here - I remained stagnant in my seat. I didn't move for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, I was still feeling the residual panic from the robbery going totally wrong. I tended to feel the severity of situations after the fact. My reaction to the shot would've been obviously to flee in a proper fight or flight scenario. Yet, I was anchored here, by the weight of my guilt for what I had caused. This innocent officer, whom I expected to have a wife and children of his own, had been murdered because I screwed up.

This is...all my fault. Because I was messing around with something I have no idea about, I've put an end to someone's life. I mean, even though no one knows that it's technically my fault...I still know. But what I don't know is what I should do next. Should I just get out of here and pretend like none of this ever happened? Could I even do that? Could I live with myself for causing this? Is it even possible now that this damn pocket watch has come into my possession? Hardly. I knew that with this watch things would never be the same. I couldn't just get up and leave not because it would solve my problems but because I could solve them with this watch. The thing that's caused this to happen was the same thing that could change it. But I didn't know how to do that, where to start, or what move to make next.

As the remainder of the passengers on the train exited, I was left alone in the cart. Only the officer's bleeding body and the robber's trampled corpse accompanied me. I slowly stood up from the seat I was in. Taking a moment to calm down and actually think about this - I finally decided to go in a different cart to avoid any further involvement. As I went down the isle I reached my hand out to open the door. Although the door had slid open before I could grab it. On the other side stood a single other passenger; a woman. She jumped slightly startled at my presence but I didn't reciprocate. I briefly studied her appearance; burnt sienna skin with short dark locks in braids atop her head. She wore jeans and a black t-shirt that read "All monsters are human" with big blue plastic framed glasses on her face. She looked about the same age as me, so I didn't feel any anxiety about her seeing me in front of this crime scene.

She was shorter than me so she leaned to the side to look passed me, before looking up to my face. "Damn so that's what those shots were about. Um, do you mind stepping aside? You're kind of in the way," she said, in an oddly casual tone that I didn't particularly expect given the circumstances. I quickly glanced over my shoulder, the other officers were making their way into this cart from the one behind it. Before I could react the other passenger in front of me grabbed my wrist loudly whispering, "Cops are coming man, time to ditch this dump." She then pulled me into her cart and slid the door shut. With haste she headed down to the middle of the aisle then stopped and crouched down lowering me along with her. Practically overflowing with questions I finally spoke.