living with them, ginny weasley & the marauders

twenty two

chapter twenty two; treat me beneath this clear night sky and i will lie with you

"I love you too, Lily."

Lily sighed. Now? He couldn't have picked tomorrow? It had to be right as she was talking to herself like some mental person who was confessing her love for him? That voice was even more recognisable than Snape's, and although she didn't care to admit it, it made her feel somewhat safe. Other times, it would just give her butterflies when she heard it. Well, that's what would usually happen. Right now, she was panicking.

Lily spun around to see James standing next to the tree that she had begun pacing at, and it suddenly occurred to her that she would really appreciate it if people stopped creeping up on her like that.

"But, as a friend," Lily finished her sentence quietly, although she wasn't entirely convinced that it was true.

James sighed and sat down, leaning his back against the tree. "I knew you'd say that," he chuckled sadly. "You're so predictable, Lily Evans."

"Only to you, James Potter," Lily let out a light laugh, as she sat down beside him, leaning her head against his shoulder. There was a comfortable silence for a while before Lily sighed again, this time quite heavily. "What happened to us, James?"

"You tell me," James replied with a shrug.

"I don't mean us specifically," She clarified. "I mean all of us in general. Me, you, the marauders, all my friends. Everyone in the entire school. When did everything become so difficult?"

"Things don't have to be difficult, Lily," James craned his neck slightly to see her leaning her head on his shoulder. "They're only difficult because we make them so."

"I don't want us to be complicated, James," Lily admitted, turning her head to look at him, so that their faces were only centimetres apart. "I want us to be friends."

James sighed as his vision flickered down to her lips, and then back up to her emerald eyes. He hesitated for a second with concern as he realised that she'd been crying. "Yeah, okay."

"I don't know what happened with you and Ginny," Lily confessed suddenly, taking him by surprise. He frowned at her, but her eyes were focused straight ahead. "And I don't want you to try and justify it. But I do want you to know that I believe you."

"Believe me?"

"I believe that you didn't kiss her," Lily elaborated, turning her head towards him this time. "I believe that you didn't kiss back. The thing is James, I also believe that you didn't stop it."

"I understand, Lils," James sighed. "But if we're taking all of that into consideration, why would you break up with me?"

"You know we never actually officially broke up," Lily pointed out.

"Yes, but you made your opinion pretty clear," James added.

"I'm sorry I was so harsh," Lily apologised with a little laugh. "But to answer your question, the reason we can't be together is because I can't trust anyone at the moment. It's really hard to explain, especially to you, but I'm not going to date anyone until I graduate from Hogwarts. Don't take this the wrong way, James. I love you very much, but as my best friend."

"So you're not going to date anyone? Anyone at all?" James clarified, trying his hardest not to let his emotions show. "And we're just gonna be...friends?"

"Best friends," Lily gave him a sad smile, while she mentally asked herself what the hell she was doing.

"You got it, Lils," James nodded as he subtly intertwined his hand with hers.

She didn't pull away from his touch, because in all honesty, she wanted to hold his hand too.

Lily let out a huge sigh as her head continued to rest on James' shoulder. He stroked her hair gently with his hand, as he looked down at her, admiring her as she breathed. She gazed up at the sky, and he followed where her eyes landed. "There was a time when our life was so normal. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. But there's a part of me that feels like this is all meant to be, you know? Like everything was just meant to happen this way. If I die in this war—"

"—No, Lily, don't think like that," He interrupted her.

"No, James, I'm serious. Everything happens for a reason, even if we can't always see it. If I die in this war, at least I will have gone down fighting. I'll be content with that. At least I had the time I had. I want that time to be with you — and all our other friends — by my side. And if I die, I'll know it was meant to be. "

James shook his head. "You might be ready to spend your last days on earth whenever they come. But I'm not ever going to be ready for you to leave me. I want you by my side forever."

"You make it sound like a marriage proposal, James," Lily laughed.

"Then just say 'I do' and we can live happily ever after," James said, continuing to look up at the stars and avoid eye contact.

Lily began to laugh but then she stopped when she saw that James wasn't. He wasn't even smirking. "—Wait. Were you being serious? Please tell me that you're joking."

James hesitated slightly, but Lily barely noticed. "Of course I was joking. We're best friends, right?"

"Right," Lily nodded contently with a smile, curling her head into James' chest.

James sighed sadly, which once again went unnoticed by Lily. It was probably fair of him to say that she was hypocritical of accusing him of being oblivious. However, that statement probably wouldn't help his case right now, so he wisely kept his mouth shut. He leaned his head on top of hers, looking out at the clear night sky.

"Out of curiosity, how would you have reacted if I hadn't been joking?" James mumbled into her hair.

To say that this question rattled Lily slightly was an understatement. This poor girl was shaken to the core. Somehow (most would call it a miracle) she stayed composed and muttered back into his chest.

"Well, I would've said no, obviously," She expressed casually. "Then I probably would have slapped you, walked away, and never spoken to you again. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," James shrugged, and tried his best not to be intimidated by her answer. "I was just wondering is all."

At least we're still friends, James reassured himself as the two of them drifted off to sleep, laying together under the moon.