a month later...
After a long road trip with ashton we returned home and have been on and off since then. Ever since the day i cried after sleeping with him in the mountains we haven't really spoken. The rest of the trip was awkward and quiet.
Jasper barks at me to play but i decline his offer and step out on the balcony. I knew falling for him again would be a horrible mistake. He's just running away when things get rough.
This is my sign. I need to move on.
"Jasper?" i look down at him, he cocks his head to the side.
"How about we move out of this depressing place and find a new apartment?"
He jumps around in circles as if he knows what i'm saying. With that i hurry him back inside and jump on my laptop and start looking at apartments.
If i move, he can't find me. If i move, i won't be reminded of all the memories i've had with him here. If i move, i'll be happier.
I pick up my phone and dial Luke's number.
"Hello?"
"Hi luke. Um can you come over?"
"Yeah, i'll be over soon."
We hang up and i wait patiently outside with a cigarette in hand.
Footsteps come up the stairs and i'm soon greeted with a familiar face.
"Hey gorgeous." he says quietly as he sits next to me.
"Hiii." he kisses my cheek and takes my cigarette from my finger tips, pressing it lightly to his lips.
"How was your trip?" he says as he exhales.
"It was um, nice i guess. i cried after having sex with ashton so i guess that tells you how it went."
He looks at me with wide eyes. "Um...well okay. Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." i look at him, our lips only centimeters away from each other.
"Well.." he whispers.
I lean in and softly kiss him, only to be kissed back slightly harder and more passionate. He tosses the cigarette butt to the side and scoops me up from the stairs as we rush inside.
Luke makes his way to my room and quickly sits on the edge of the bed with me in his lap. He cups my cheeks in his hands and pulls away from me for a second to gaze into my eyes, his lips parted as if he's going to say something but nothing comes out.
I slip my hand behind his neck and pull him back to my lips. slightly tasting his minty chapstick. He breaks away again just to look down with his eyebrows squished together.
"What are we doing." he says.
"Um.. what do you mean?" i sit there slightly horny not sure of what's happening between us.
"Are we just going to randomly fuck each other or are we actually going to be a thing?"
"I mean what's your status with ashton?" he questions me.
"I don't know luke, he just comes and goes."
"like you are with me?" he says
wow that stung.
"i'm sorry, i thought this was a mutual thing like we were on the same page?" i get up, now offended.
"look i'm sorry i didn't mean to upset you." he stands up and reaches out to me.
"No i think you should go luke."
"please. do-"
"go, please."
Luke leaves as i ask, he walks to my front door with his head hanging like a sad puppy. i'm not sure if he's trying to guilt trip me or what.
As soon as he leaves i grab my phone a dial ashton's number. As it rings in my ear i can't help but think, what are we?
The phone continues to ring and i go to hang up when i hear a hello.
"Ashton??"
"Yes?"
"Will you come over please. i need you."
"Okay i'll be right over." he hangs up and 45 minutes goes by.
He walks in and sees me laying on my couch.
"Hey baby girl. Are you okay?"
"I miss you so much."
He chuckles slightly, "what do you mean, i'm right here."
"No you don't get it, you'll come and see me feed me sweet nothings and then disappear ash. I need you in my life and i miss you when you are gone. please stop disappearing."
He sits quietly, absorbing everything i just said.
"I'm sorry." he says quietly as he wraps me up in his arms.
A few tears slip from the corners of my eyes as he clutches my frame in his chest and arms.
"I miss you a lot too. I'm going to stop disappearing but i need to tell you why i keep doing that so you understand and don't hate me."
"Okay.."
"I was getting more help."
"Ash. if you needed help you should have just come to me."
"I know.." he hangs his head slightly as if ashamed.
i pick his head up and look at him.
"I'm proud of you for recognizing you needed help though."
He smiles at me and kisses my nose.
"i love you ashy." i smile back at him.
"i love you too kitten."
