"you know those weren't sweet nothings."
"huh?"
"you said i would feed you sweet nothings before i disappeared, but that wasn't what it was."
i lay quietly next to him in the darkness.
"I meant everything i said to you. i've never felt so emotionally vulnerable with a woman before until i met you."
i rub his cheek with my thumb as he continues to talk.
"i just..i don't know. I really am madly in love with you and it frightens me sometimes because i've never felt a love that strong before. hell i've never even felt love for someone before."
"why are you telling me this?" i ask quietly.
"because these are the kinds of things you need to know about me, you need to know that if i get scared it's because you're my first true love. i'm afraid of hurting you or putting you in a bad place."
"i tend to hide and run away from the things that scare me in life, but you have a hold on me. i know that if i run away i'll be back at some point. but what i don't realize is that i'm hurting you by running and i'm done doing that."
"Ashton, you aren't hurting me."
"Then why did you cry when we had sex in the mountains?"
He was right, i was hurt by the one person in my life that meant the most to me. Now that he's back and i look at him i just get so scared and so emotional.
"I cried because i was afraid it'd be the last time we'd be together."
At this point i can feel his eyes locked on me in the darkness. He kisses my head and sniffles.
"i'm so sorry for what i've done to you." his voice cracks slightly.
I lean over and turn on the lamp next to my bed. i look back to see a puffy eyed ashton laying next to me, his eyes looking deeply into mine.
"Ash, baby, don't cry. it's okay, i forgive you."
"No it's not okay. i shouldn't have done the things i did to you." He buries his face in my shirt, staining it with tears.
This is the most vulnerable i've seen him in a long time. i run my fingers through his hair and softly shh him as i cuddle his body.
"Daddy?"
"Yes baby."
"It's okay to cry, i love you no matter what. you can be this open with me. you don't have to be ashamed."
With that he sobs next to me as i do everything i can to calm him.
"Do you want to get some fresh air?" i ask as he starts to simmer back down.
"please." i grab my jacket and slip it on along with my slippers. i grab ashton's hand and guide him to the balcony where i pull out a pack of cigarettes and press one between my lips.
Ashton reaches over and takes it from my lips placing it between his own and lighting it.
This is a sight i've never seen before, but instead of questioning it i grab another and light my own. we sit in silence in the only chair that i have. i rest my head against his chest as he leans his head over on mine, staring at the stars.
"you know the day i first met you i knew you were a bad boy."
"huh?" he cocks his head slightly.
"In the club. when you came up to me i knew what your intentions were and you totally weren't my type but for some reason i allowed myself to fall into your footsteps and follow you around like a puppy."
"You had a hold on me from the beginning."
"What made you go against you type?" he asks
"probably the fact that you were incredibly hot, confident as hell, and you drove a jaguar." i eye him a little to see his reaction.
"well, i went against my type too you know." he says randomly.
"really now? so you weren't already into younger girls?"
"hey now, watch it." he giggles and bites his lip slightly as he smiles.
"no i was into dark headed slut girls. but then you showed up, pale lavender hair, fluorescent white skin, conservative, and plus you stuck out like a sore thumb in a club." he winked at me.
"shut up." i laugh a little and gently punch his shoulder.
"no but really i did catch you walking by and i knew in that moment that if i didn't at least try i was never going to know your name at least."
"you make a valid point because knowing me i would have sat at that bar all night by myself and zoned out."
"I'm glad i went with my gut though. it's never let me down."
"i'm glad you approached me too." i smile at him and lean in to kiss his lips softly.
we break away and ashton just smiles at me.
"what?"
"you're just so beautiful, i can't believe you're mine."
and then that's when my phone rings.
