I Saw Her Scars

Chapter 5

I Saw Her Scars

Chapter 5

I sat there frozen, not knowing how to comprehend what I was hearing.

"He tried to kill himself last night."

The phrase went on over and over in my head and I had no idea what to feel; disbelief? Shock? Anger? Sadness?

"Rylan?" said Derek on the other line.

"Yeah," I said. My voice cracked, I could not even talk right now.

"I need you. Please."

"He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Then make him."

"I--"

"Rylan, I can't always be around. I have a job, I want to be there for him but life won't allow me to do so in the way he needs. Please."

"But--"

"Rylan, I know deep down you and my brother are still best friends. I know that if he went out of your life then you would never forgive yourself."

"He's already went out of my life."

"Then bring him back. Be there for him again."

"I--"

"Rylan honey, who are you talking to?" my mom said climbing up the stairs.

"No one!" I shouted as I quickly hung up.

"You feeling better?"

"Yeah!" I blurted almost immediately after she finished her sentence.

"You're acting weird..."

"No! I'm fine!" I couldn't stop acting all jumpy.

"Okay," she said coldly as she walked out of the room.

I sat there on my bed in disbelief. This was not the mom I knew. She would have acted more suspicious or have been asking more questions. I was just in a car accident for goodness sakes. As much as her constant questioning would have annoyed me, I prefer it much more than this mom. This mom... Wasn't my mom. We have grown further apart than I thought.

Me and Connor could never be friends like we used to be. I have changed, he has changed. Not only have we changed, life has changed.

I took the bus the next day to school. I haven't done it since the beginning of high school, so it was weird to take the bus and see if now in a whole different perspective.

I sat there silent, analyzing the surroundings and the people around me.

There were middle schoolers on the bus whose school was just two stops after mine. They were happy to be talking to each other; what they had for homework, plans for the weekend, plans for the summer... They seemed to have no worries in the world.

If they just wait a couple of years they will realize that life isn't all sunshine and flowers. With every sunny day there is a storm. With every flower there is a weed. Nothing good lasts forever in its entirety.

I then began to get into deep thought into the nature of the friendship of those middle schoolers. Were they popular at their middle? Did they talk to each other only because they were popular? Had they always been friends for as long as they could remember? Was one of them a recent addition to the group of friends? And if there was a recent addition, was the addition a former loner that then joined the group or was it someone who already had a group of friends then got taken away to go to another friend group?

"Oh my goodness, he won't stop staring at us," one of the girls whispered to her friends.

"It's creepy, he's in high school and preying on middle schoolers," another replied.

I took a deep blink, rubbed my eyes, and looked out the window, unaware of how long I had been staring at them. I was too depressed to feel embarrassed, I didn't care that I now had the bus reputation as the creepy high school kid. All I could think about was Connor.

How could he try to kill himself? Not too long ago he was the happiest guy that I had ever met. And now he wants to end his own life? I knew she was bad news. I told him not to hang out with her, but he wouldn't listen.

My sadness turned to anger. How could Connor leave me for some girl? A girl he didn't even like before he talked to her? What ever happened to the expression 'bros before hoes'? It was a stupid saying created by stupid teens but it still held true. How could he at one moment act like I was not only his best friend, but his brother, and then meet this girl and start treating me like gum at the bottom of his shoe, a burden?

"What is wrong with him?" the same middle schooler whispered to her friends.

"He looks angry at something..."

"I think he's mental."

I then started to cry. What was happening to me? I was once known as the toughest guy in town and now here I am crying on a bus. Connor's actions continued to change me, and I saw no good in it.

"Oh... He's crying..."

"I feel bad."

"Then apologize."

"You apologize."

"You're the one who called him mental."

The bus then got to my school. I wiped my teary eyes and walked up to the middle schoolers.

"Enjoy your friendship while you can. It might not last," I said to them before getting off.

Connor was not at school today. I might as well have not been either. I couldn't think straight, people wouldn't stop crowding me with sympathy remarks about my arm, and I just did not care anymore.

I was a hollow shell of a being. 

~~~~~~

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Also,

I had actually come up with the idea of I Saw Her Scars about a year ago. I came up with a first chapter draft, with a totally different premise to Rylan and his character, but did not like it so I scrapped the idea until I came up with a better one. 

Do you guys want to see the original draft of I Saw Her Scars?