All For You

56

Ameenah

"Ameenah go upstairs" Mama Nita said not taking her eyes off my mother. I gave my mother one finally look then walked out the livingroom. I didn't go upstairs though, I sat on one step and listened to their conversation.

"You better start talking and you better start talking now" Mama Nita snapped.

"I am a grown woman and that is my child, you have no say--"

"If fix your mouth to finish that sentence, I'ma kick you in it. After your father died, I focused on raising you and your sister as best as I could. I took Ahmeer so that you could get your education and make a better life for the both of you but you kept running around with these boys instead taking care of your kids."

"I couldn't raise any kids, I was young and I had my life to live" my mother replied making me roll my eyes, she truly was a sorry excuse of a mother.

"Oh but you were grown enough to lay on your back? With not one but two men? Do you even know who Ahmeer's real father is?" Mama Nita asked.

"There are three possibilities, both of them look exactly like me so its hard to tell who they could belong to" my mother whispered. I had heard my mother conversations with someone but this confirms that I might not be for my father.

"Three? one, two three? Are you out of your rabbit ass mind? Lord, Father, God, give me the strength not to smack the black off this girl"

"I made mistakes mom, don't act like you haven't"

"Yes I have made mistakes but I didn't let my kids suffer, even when you and your sister drove me crazy, I kept ya'll because ya'll was mine and I wasn't gonna have you two calling no one else Mama. I didn't choose when I felt like being a mother. I babied you your entire life so I guess I played a part in this but stop acting the way you act."

"It's too late for anything like that"

"That girl, my grandbaby, she loves you but I can slowly see it turning to hate if you don't get your shit together. She is convinced that you don't care about her. You focused on your husband and your job more than you've ever paid attention to her"

"I couldn't" my mom shouted sounding close to tears.

"Why not"

"I hated her, I was scared of what I could do so that's why we hired Corrine. When Ameenah was born I was so depressed, Will was stressing and taking it out on me so I blamed her for everything" my eyes widened after hearing my mothers words. I didn't know how to feel, how do you react when you hear your mother say she hated you.

"She's a child Regina, why didn't you call me" Mama Nita yelled.

"After everything I said before I left, I didn't want to come back and Will.." I rolled my eyes knowing my dad had to have had something to do with it too. It looks like he's been controlling her since forever.

"I told ya'll to never be too prideful to ask for help, my door is always open but my rules were also the same so you could've came back but it wouldn't have been different from when you left" Mama Nita shot back.

"Will wouldn't let me do much especially after everything with Ameenah" my mom said making me wonder what she was talking about.

"Everything with Ameenah?" Mama Nita asked pushing her to continue.

"One night I was giving Ameenah a bath and she was being so fussy. I was so tired and angry at everything that was going on and Will wasn't home to help me with her."

"Did you hurt that child?" Mama Nita asked making me stand to my feet.

"She was about three months so I had her in the bathtub in her mini tub, I plugged the drain and let the water fill...she started crying but I couldn't hear her anymore. I just sat there and suddenly I was thrown out the way and Will took her out the tub. She was coughing up water and crying for hours. Will didn't trust me with her anymore so he hired Corrine" My mom cried. Tears fell out my ears as I listened and tried to stay quiet. My own mother just confessed to almost killing me.

"She was a baby Regina, after you realized what you were going through, you should've went and got help. You should've came back home instead of staying with that clown"

"He took care of me"

"Financially but what about physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. You stayed with a man that broke your spirit, you were the most confident, head strong little girl. Then he came along and you barely knew your worth a few months into the relationship. You lost yourself and let your kids suffer because of a man with nothing more to offer than money"

"She got everything I never had so I was willing to sacrifice my happiness"

"You can't put a price on a mothers love and that's what you had growing up, that's what she needed"

"You sacrificing your happiness robbed me of mine too, you should've just sent me here to live when I was younger. I would've been happier being surrounded by loving family" I said before leaving. I could tell I caught them off guard but I don't care, I was done with that lady.

I sat on top of the car and stared at the ocean as the waves crashed against the shore. I couldn't stay at the house and face my mother. It to here that but at least now I know why she did the things she did and why she was always so distant from me.

The sound of a car door closing made me turn my head. I saw that it was Clyde and turned back towards the water.

"Why you wanted me to meet you out here?" He asked standing next to the car.

"I don't have the capacity to keep anybody in my life who doesn't want to be in it" I said not beating around the bush.

"What you talking about?" Clyde asked stepping closer to me. I was crying on my way to the beach so I know I looked a mess.

"I fucked up and if you don't want to deal with me, I get it but don't tell me that you forgive me and then continue to treat me like shit"

"If I didn't want to deal with you, I would've been ignoring you still."

"I would rather you ignore me completely than to be treated like I'm the last person you want to be around"

"I ain't mad at you, I could tell you got a good heart and you ain't like them hoes out here. I was just hurt by that shit but I gave you another chance cause before all that crazy shit, I saw us going somewhere"

"I don't want you to go back on your word" I started rambling.

"I won't" he smirked stepping closer.

"I've been stressing and I'm sure you have--" I continued until I felt his lips on mine. He picked me up making me wrap my legs around him. I squealed feeling his teeth graze my lips.

"You done?" He asked pulling away.

"Mhmm" I nodded before pulling his lips back to mine.

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