I wish I didn't //Shalaska

I feel like a child tonight.

Author's note: I suggest listening to Wish You Were Here by Fleetwood Mac to accompany this chapter :)
Alaska's POV
I woke up first, clouded vision saw Courtney asleep on top of Willam, in her bed. They were both partially clothed which suggested that they got it on last night. Anthony was asleep with Brad on Willam's bed. They'd probably crashed after their 22nd shot and 8th fishbowl. I remember when I used to drink like that, when Sharon and I worked with the Haus of Haunt. Good, sweet times, until they became sour. Courtney squinted, opening her eyes slightly to see that she was on top of Willam. She closed them again, and cutely snuggled up to the other queen, a smile spreading across her face. It made me feel left out, I guess. Unusually, I wished I had Sharon. She let me lay on top of her like that, she cuddled me and she calmed me down.
Willam's POV
My head stung. Fuck. It felt like there was a weight on top of me, as if someone was laying there. I opened my eyes, using my free arm to block out some sun and saw Courtney laying on top of me, drooling like a baby. I'd usually have rudely woke her up and told her to get the fuck off me but she looked so content and goddamn cute that I couldn't. Weird.
Alaska's POV
That whole day, the thought of Sharon lingered on my mind. Willam and Courtney didn't really matter to me, they were both super hung over and slept most of the day. My head spun thinking of Sharon and doubting my heart. I didn't know where I stood.
Courtney's POV
Alaska seemed down. "Are you hung over?" I asked, before realising that she didn't drink anymore because of Sharon. I wondered if she was upset about that, about us drinking. Willam and I got out of drag and we were hungover and cuddling most of the day. After we all had some sort of dysfunctional family dinner and the sun began to set, Alaska left the bus to go for a walk.
Alaska's POV
I usually don't eat much so when I turned down the sandwiches at dinner, it seemed pretty normal. I started packing my drag back into my case and I felt a small outline of my iPod through the lining of my case. Opening the zip I fished the green iPod and earbuds out of the pocket. I pressed the power button and it miraculously turned on. "I'm going for a walk." I announced, escaping the lethargy of the bus. And popping my earbuds in before anyone could argue with me. I pressed shuffle. The sun was just setting on the horizon, pink and orange watercolour like tones creating a hopeful sky. Few clouds lingered, creating a beautiful texture that any artist would be inspired by. The sun glowed fiery colours, shades of yellow, orange, and pink. It made me feel tiny and insignificant, walking around on a patch of desert as if I was a tiny insect who meant nothing to anyone. Walking towards the glowing sun, which jetted rays in every direction, I realised that I didn't wanna die alone. I wanted Sharon. Tears welled in my eyes, forming tiny droplets that rolled down my cheeks and hydrated the dry ground. There's a quote I read somewhere "You don't realise your mistakes in life until you look back and reflect. Then you want to fix them." This was what was happening. The song changed to Wish You Were Here by Fleetwood Mac as I walked back to the trailer. Darkness had fallen around me, loneliness chilling me with its crude icy breeze. It was as if I was crashing down from every drug ever. I was lost in this abyss of never-ending sadness. The only way to get out was to tell Sharon that I love her, but I can't. Even if I mustered the courage to tell her, I was in the middle of the desert, with a dead phone.
Courtney's POV
Alaska got back super late. The sun had set already and by the time she was back, most of us had got bored and done drugs and drag. She came back seeming pretty normal and started to get into drag herself, we were gonna do a talent/fashion show for the guys we partied with the night before. Before the 'show' had started, I found her laying on her bed, having a private moment. Her earphones were in and she was crying her eyes out.
"What's up, Lasky?" I asked, softly. She paused her sobbing and glanced at me as I sat on the bed. "It's a long story."
"I'm all ears." I later on my stomach next to her and comfortably placed my arm around her tiny waist.
Alaska's POV
I pulled my earbuds out and began. "I'm still in love with Sharon." Courtney's jaw dropped. "And I'm scared, Courtney. All stars is gonna make me look awful." Terror sparked in my eyes.
"You'll be okay, Lasky, we all love you and a fucking TV reality show won't change that." She stated. "As for the Sharon thing... you're just gonna have to admit that you love her. She probably has feelings for you, too." I realised that Courtney was totally right. One thing. I didn't have a phone charger and mine was dead.