I wish I didn't //Shalaska

Episode 7

Authors note: The first bit is so poetic whAt. Enjoy.
Sharon's POV
Daylight shone in my eyes. It was so white and clean and strangely beautiful. I felt like I was burning like a vampire and I regretted not drawing the curtains. I was probably pre occupied. My arms were around someone's waist, they were the little spoon. My eyes adjusted to the exposure and a tuft of curly brown hair caught my attention. Alaska. I squeezed her waist gently bringing her closer to me. My top arm moved from under the covers and tucked a loose curl around her ear. Even from the back she looked so peaceful and gorgeous, sleeping cutie. She wore her old striped pyjamas, the ones with the long sleeves. She used to make jokes about looking like a banana in them. She didn't know how special she was. I wanted to lay there with her forever, holding her body next to mine, hugging her in this insignificant unfamiliar hotel room. If only everything was this good. Eventually we'd break off and give in to the demons of life.
"Hey, Alaska." I whispered gently into her ear. She stirred peacefully. A pause. "Lasky?"
She turned to face me and opened her slightly stained eyes. Her lips parted with doubt and shock that we were in bed. My arms tightened around her again, bringing her so close that our plumped lips touched ever so slightly. Neither of us wanted to speak. I greeted her ajar mouth with a kiss. Her top leg stroked mine. Her hands pulled my face closer to hers and we just paused for a second. Without fucking, this was as sublime as it gets. If life didn't have to happen, if we didn't have to move from this bed in Milwaukee, if we didn't need phones and money and food and comprehensive speech we'd have stayed there forever, like trapped heroin addicts. If we didn't have to move, we wouldn't have moved, we wouldn't have lived, we'd never die. Eternal numbness. But without life, this motion wouldn't have been as poignant, for shadow is needed to emphasise light.
Her phone broke the silent pleasurable abyss. Vibrating over and over, a billion times. She turned her torso, her waist still in my hands and the second her hand found her phone, we were back to reality. She turned back to face me, phone now in between our faces. This was how it had become. Technologically warped.

Alaska's POV
Of course I did the unthinkable without thinking. I let go. I saw all of the bad comments about the episode of Drag Race that had aired last night. All of the snake emojis, all of the "fuck you"s, they clouded my vision as if they were suffocating sulphurous smoke. After all of this anxiety, all of this messy overthinking, it had all come to a head. I wanted to run away. I liked running away. But I had to confess my sins.

Sharon's POV
I closed my eyes as all I could see was the back of Alaska's phone. Then she started jerking slightly. I opened my eyes to see her crying, hiding behind her phone. She slowly moved it downwards. Her eyes were red raw and filled with a cartoonish glare. "La-" I was cut off by my impeding conscience telling me that I couldn't make this situation better. She put her phone back on the nightstand and rolled up her sleeves.
***
An hour later she had explained everything, how wrong she was and how we were meant to be. She lay in my arms once more.