I wish I didn't //Shalaska

Showtime

Authors note: sorry this took so goddamn long I've been up to my ears in college work so I haven't really had time or inspiration to write this. Also idk if Alaska's assistant is called Jeremy he just looks like a Jeremy okay 🙃

Alaska's POV
I texted Courtney.
Thanks for coming last night. I feel so much better now x
Sent. I looked around my room briefly, seeing the gloves hung to dry properly on the radiator. I was so grateful for friends.
Buzz.
Courtney 💁🏼-I promise that Sharon loves you. I heard her cry in her bunk on BOTS UK because you were so far apart. Good luck tonight x
She cries? She never really opened up to me. I found her weeping silently when she got too drunk but she blamed it on allergies and being a mess. I never thought she'd cry because of distance, not after we broke up almost 3 years ago. I thought she'd be over me. Fuck. Tonight was the show. The Sharon and Alaska show that came up on my phone. I wasn't ready to face Sharon all alone. I could face her if I had Courtney, or Adore or even someone who would stand up for me like Willam. But I had nobody.

Sharon's POV
Alaska had been constantly on my mind since the date, but when was she ever not on my mind? I don't remember not thinking of her. We'd met about 10 years ago and prior to that, I don't remember much. But tonight was showtime. We had to cooperate in a working environment and I know that Alaska likes to be professional so I don't want to provoke her. On the other hand, I need to tell her I love her. I can't keep something so secret for a long time because I feel as if it's the wrong time to tell her I love her. It's not. I need to grow a pair of balls and tell her the truth. So I packed my case full of drag, loaded my car full of makeup and hair and set off to Milwaukee.
***
I thought I'd arrived way too early when there was a single person outside the club. I didn't realise who it was until I drove closer. Tall, skinny, floppy brown curls, it was Justin. My stomach flipped at the sight of him, only reinforcing my love. I'd loved Alaska for so long that I forgot what it felt like to not love her. I cared for so long that I forgot to care. Damn right I cared. Of course I loved. But what I'd done to her wasn't fair, it wasn't what you do to someone you love.
I parked, and got out of the car, before unpacking the drag from the boot. Suitcase, wig and backpack hung on me, I walked towards meek Alaska. "Can we go in?" I asked, anxiously.
"I don't think anyone's here yet." She replied, not making eye contact.
I looked down, piled my drag bags and sat on the curb. "I'm sorry, Lasky."
She didn't reply. What if sorry no longer sufficed? A moment passed before she joined me on the floor.
"Me too."
"You didn't-"
"Don't dress it up. I messed up too. Let me have that."
Reluctantly, I cracked a half smile.
"I'm an alcoholic. And the first step towards fixing that is identifying it."
She nodded.
"Maybe without all these extra substances we could rebuild."
"I think we could."
Another car blinded us with its shining headlights. They beeped us.
***
Alaska's POV
Sound check was less awkward than I thought it would be, considering the talk we had before. I felt faint though. The last thing I ate was the pizza and I only had a slice. Before that I couldn't remember. I held onto the mic stand as it supported my weight. Faintness and emptiness washed over me. I felt like I was flagging, weak with hunger. Then my whole body felt weightless.

Sharon's POV
When Alaska fell to the floor, I was the first to see. She just flopped like she'd left the room. I ran onstage, knelt and scooped her limp tiny frame into my arms. "Wake up Alaska!" I screamed, tears forming in my eyes. She rolled her head to the other side. I slapped her cheek. "Move aside!" Her late assistant Jeremy ran onstage with a snack. He gently shook her. I looked on as my pure Lasky was unconscious. "Eat." He demanded, shoving a potato chip towards her mouth. She ate it and he carried her off, to the side of the stage, demanding me to get her a chair. "Does she do this often?" I asked subtly.
"Yeah... she 'forgets' to eat." He replied.
Another burden to weigh around my neck, no doubt. "She's fainted a lot more lately." Another problem caused by me. Either she's missed me and felt empty, or been full with hatred towards me. Either way, she had to be okay.

Alaska's POV
I regained consciousness. I was so dumb for fainting in front of Sharon, and even more dumb to give her an opportunity to see my butchered arms. She came in to see me, asking if I was okay and I replied with "The show must go on." At least my professionalism stayed on track.
***
The show was a blur. Messy and unrehearsed as fuck. However, Kai Kai was amazing. We sang it together and she held my gloved hand. I felt safe. I think the audience connected with that, they weren't just enjoying the performance, they were enjoying shipping us and conspiring over the T. We finished the track and took synchronised bows before they all chanted "KISS. KISS. KISS." The tension that had built up with the fact that Sharon was sober and I was 'okay' flew over our heads and we kissed. Adrenaline coursed over my body. It was something otherworldly. To get two people who may still be in love with each other to bathe in lights, absorb cheers, feel a huge hit of adrenaline and then kiss. Amongst the eruption of cheering, she whispered in my ear, "I love you Alaska."