The Worst Crown The Empire Fanfic Ever

Part 1

My name is Alix. Actually, my name is Alix Moonfield Daisyshine Blackheart. Well, wait, my full name is really Alixandria Moonfield Tanbody Cowmilker Fignewton Tiffany Daisyshine Blackheart. However, I just go by Alix.

Also, I'm not like other girls. Even though by identifying as a girl, I prove I am exactly like other girls.

It's just that I like rock music and the color black, therefore making me the most special of the snowflakes.

Along with all this, I'm a wanted criminal. I'm not going to bother explaining why, and to your knowledge I may or may not be evil, but since I have my own story, we'll assume I'm not evil.

I'm just misunderstood, and also being hunted by a communist government lead by grown men who dress up as birds for some unknown reason.

I am twenty-one, and old enough to buy alcohol. I have some, even though I'm homeless and could use my money to buy better things.

I currently live in an abandoned warehouse, which totally isn't cliche at all. Despite it being abandoned, it still has electricity and air conditioning, which doesn't happen in real life, but for the sake of this story it does.

So, I'm a wanted criminal who lives in an abandoned warehouse, conveniently located in the capital of the country known as Aeon City.

I'm not going to tell you where it's located, but it's big and I live in it. The entire government is located here, and I don't have the common sense to move to a deserted location. Like Wyoming, or anywhere in Canada.

I'm also a distant relative of the entire band of Asking Alexandria, even though bands shouldn't exist in a post-apocalyptic world.

So anyways, that my life. Oh wait, I almost forgot. I also vape.

Today I went on a walk. Because I'm a wanted criminal, it's probably dangerous and not at all smart to do that, but I need to get my energy out.

I flipped my long blonde hair over my shoulder, which was somehow beautiful and silky despite not being washed for the past few months. I had blue eyes as well, and though that's not important, I just thought I'd mention it.

So far, the walk was great. But then, I hand pulled me down into a hole in the sidewalk that wasn't there a moment ago. Instead of screaming, I decided to keep quiet, because holes in the sidewalk apparently calmed me.

I was face-to-face with some Mexican dude I somehow didn't notice before. I actually didn't know if he was Mexican, but I thought he smelled like tacos, so I assumed he truly was a Mexican.

He had a mole, which was clearly the only part of him I, or anyone else, truly cared about.

"Hello," the Mexican said. I was completely calm, even though he might have been there to attack me. However, he was attractive, therefore eliminating all my worries and causing me to automatically trust him.

"Hòla," I said back, because that was the only word I, a white person, knew in Spanish.

"Dude, I don't speak Spanish," the Mexican said to me. However, the faint scent of burrito on him said otherwise.

"Is your name Jośe?" I ask, enforcing any and all stereotypes I had been taught as a child. "No," the man said, grabbing my arm. "My name is Andrew."

"Why did you pull me into a hole in the sidewalk?" I asked, moving to allow me more room in the cold, solid hole. It reminded me of when I was in the womb.

"Because this hole is a secret pathway to the headquarters," Andrew said. I raised one of eyebrows that I attempted to fill in but failed miserably.

"The headquarters of what? The burrito factory?" I asked. Andrew then slapped me in the face. Depsite him using physical violence, I still trusted him, in order to keep the storyline in tact.

"No," Andrew said to me, pointing towards the tunnel I didn't happen to notice. "Me and my highly irresponsible friends."

(Ayyyyy so thats the first part of the worst story in the world, probably. Writing this just makes me crack up myself, so I have no idea what effect that'll have on ya readers.)