The Worst Crown The Empire Fanfic Ever

Part 9

It had been a painful week without my male friends.

I now lived in an abandoned gynecologist office, which had a strange smell to it, which I couldn't recognize what it was.

I didn't bother to plan anything. All I could do was wait. I spent my days eating trash, which smelled even worse than Hayden.

I also read "Apocalyptical Living" magazines in my spare time. Because nothing is better than being fashionable for the end of the world.

One day though, something occurred. I turned on the television in the lobby, and discovered that the boys had escaped once again. More specifically, the 372,906th time this month.

I screamed with joy, but I also screamed because I finally realized why the place smelled so bad. Also, there was a cockroach.

"I must venture forth to find my male companions that only hang around me because of my abnormally large breasts!" I declared.

"Wait, Alix, I'm alive!" Someone said from behind me. Without thinking, I pulled my handgun out and shot directly behind me. I turned around dramatically, expecting to see a dead Scarecrow laying by my nicely groomed feet.

However, I discovered it was Benn.

"BENNETT!" I yelled, unaware that was his real name. "YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"Well, I mean, not for long, but I guess for the next minute or so," Benn said.

I immediately began sobbing. My not-so-close-friend was about to die. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" I cried out, stating the obvious.

"Yeah, it really is," Benn said, slowly bleeding out. I cringed when I saw the blood. "Oh, and by the way, tell Andrew that he was my least favorite."

And with that, he died. Again.

Before I could recover, someone busted the door in. It was Dave. "Alix! We've found you!" He said, embracing me.

"Dave!" I said happily, as if someone hadn't just died in front of me. He carried me out of the building, completely ignoring the dead body.

In front of the gynecologist office was a beautiful Mercedes Benz. "Where did you get this?" I asked, as I climbed into the passenger's seat.

"I make minimum wage at McDonald's," Dave replied as we drove into the sunset. "Wait, really?" I asked. I was unsure if that restaurant still existed. I didn't eat there. I only ate gluten-free Chipotle.

"No, you fool, I'm a wanted criminal," Dave said. His sass was showing. "I stole it, clearly."

We then stopped in front of the non-suspicious mansion we all lived in. "I love you," I said, staring into the moon.

"Wait a minute, isn't it too early in the day for the moon to be out?" I commented, ruining the somewhat romantic moment. Dave only grabbed my hand dramatically. "Hush," he said.

"Why?" I questioned immediately, because I am a woman, and I must know everything. "Because you'll attract a seabear, or even worse, Brent," Dave replied. I gasped in horror.

"Let's go inside now," Dave suggested, "Andrew is making tacos and Brandon is making pot brownies." I ignored the stereotypical statement, and instead followed my boyfriend of average height into the mansion.

Wow, it really did smell like pot.

"Hello," I said as I entered. Without hesitation, I was tackled gently by my male friends in a manner that was not sexual at all. "WE MISSED YOU!" They all cried out. I already knew that.

"Also, we're raising an army tomorrow," Dave mentioned. I shrugged. "Cool," I said, and went to go eat a taco. Instinctively, Andrew jumped towards them before I could feast on one. Oh well.

I then went to the bathroom, thus commiting a sin in the world of fiction. I exited the bathroom, and joined everyone on the unnecessarily large couch. The tacos tasted mediocre at best. 

It was then I realized that I was pregnant.