The Worst Crown The Empire Fanfic Ever

Part 6

"That guy probably took him!" I cried out. "What was his name, The Cardinal? Or was it The Toucan?"

"It's The Raven," Brandon corrected me. I didn't care what he said, actually.

"So it was The Woodpecker!" I confirmed. "I was right!"

"Alix, his name is The Raven," Brandon repeated. I rolled my eyes, as if I, Alixandria Moonfield Tanbody Cowmilker Fignewton Tiffany Daisyshine Blackheart, even cared.

"Whatever," I said, as white as possible. "Let's just go get Brett."

Brandon sighed loudly. "His name is Brent, god, you're really bad with names," he commented.

I groaned, as if I were a spoiled little white girl whose dad refused to buy her a stuffed animal from Walmart.

"Woah, we don't even know if Brent was kidnapped or not," Andrew cut in, "for all we know, he could just be using the bathroom."

Silly Andrew. Everyone knows there's no using the bathroom in fanfiction.

"Whatever, let's just listen to the mediocre white girl," Dave said. Despite him thinking of me as no more than a white girl, I still loved him.

"Love you, too," I said back. "Now, let's go get Brett."

"Where should we go first?" Andrew asked, even though he was the leader here and made all the calls. It would take a fool to leave the fate of the country in the freshly sanitized hands of a semi-attractive white girl.

I stood and thought for a minute, because clearly we had time. "We should go back to that prison, he's probably there," I guessed.

"Sounds safe," Brandon shrugged.

I walked right out the door, not bothering to change out of my highly realeaving pajamas that would be unwise to fight in. Everyone followed after me, also still in their pajamas.

"I say we go east," I said, pointed to the direction that was definitely not east.

"Or we could have a child," Dave suggested. I simply ignored his comment.

Everyone then began marching in the opposite direction of which I pointed. "What are you going? I said go west," I lied, as I realized where I was really pointing. I was actually pointing north.

"Oh," Brandon said cluelessly, "I thought you said weast."

I rolled my eyes for about the hundredth time this morning. I was done with these white people, plus a Mexican.

"I'm so under appreciated!" I pouted, stomping in the direction of north. Everyone groaned in unison.

I watched as Andrew pulled a taco from his back pocket and ate it slowly.

Brandon began stroking his bag of weed again, and Hayden did the same while they cuddled heterosexually.

Dave just grabbed my clearly fake boobs.

After seeing everyone ignore me for half a second, I decided I would stop whining for a moment. "Sorry," I said.

I wasn't sorry.

I ripped the taco from Andrew's hand and smashed in into the ground, doing the same with Brandon's weed. "We need to find Brent!" I declared, suddenly focused again.

I was a powerful woman.

Suddenly, Brent emerged from the house, trailing toilet paper stuck to his left foot. "Yeah, we do," he agreed.

"BRENT!" We all cried out, relieved. "I called it," Andrew said, though I ignored him.

I then heard a mechanical shifting, as if something was being powered. "What's that?" I asked, having a clueless female moment again. "Sounds like....."

Before I could finish, The Raven emerged from the trees, riding his segway. "Ayyyyy there you are," he said, circling us. "We're kidnapping y'all again, lol,"

"Well, dang," Brandon said, defeated. "I guess there's no possible way we could ever defend ourselves."

The others mumbled in agreement. "He's right!" Hayden shouted in defeat.

Wow, if only I had a gun right now.

Then, I noticed a gun in the closest bush, which was probably a safety hazard.

"Look at the gun," I whispered to Dave, "if we could just grab it, we'd be safe."

Just as I made the move to grab the gun, The Raven scooped it up in his nicely groomed hands. Seriously, I need to find the person who does his nails.

"You're a very bad whisperer, Alix," he commented. He then promptly shot Brent in the leg for the second time, which had no affect on me.

"You're all under arrest for the 372,905th time...... This month."