The Worst Crown The Empire Fanfic Ever

Part 2

After squeezing through the tight tunnel, I emerged with Andrew, feeling like I had just been born again. We were in the middle of a living room, and I didn't find that strange at all.

Four other men were looking at us as we emerged from the tunnel, and Andrew covered the hole with a rug, which was a poor idea since someone could fall right through, but I chose to ignore the safety hazard.

"These are my four friends. We are also wanted criminals that you may or may not be able to trust," Andrew said. Suddenly, I noticed a man with bleached hair in the corner. "Wait, there are five," I pointed out, wondering how Andrew failed to notice the fifth.

Andrew only laughed. "Oh, that's just Benn. He left some band a while back, so he's probably going to die an anticlimatic death soon, don't mind him."

I shrugged. Even though Benn was going to die, I was too distracted by Andrew's mole to care.

"Now, I'll introduce you to my real friends," Andrew hissed, throwing a disgusted glare at Benn, who turned away in shame.

Andrew pointed at the one with the stutter, who was sensually rubbing marijuana leaves all over his body. Even though he hadn't spoken yet, I already knew me had a stutter. "That is Brandon," Andrew said. Brandon didn't look too special, so I ignored him. He was more of friend material to me.

The Mexican then gestured to a taller man. He was so tall I had to look up. "That's Hayden. His last name is Tree, but that's not important," Andrew said. The man named Hayden had a strong jawline, but with that haircut, he looked like an actual tree.

Again, he was nothing more than friend material, or possibly a spare ladder.

Andrew pointed to a man aggressivly chugging beer. "That's Brent," he said. I winced, watching as Brent drank three more bottles with a few seconds. "What's his problem?" I whispered, even though I didn't even whisper at all.

"Well, we said he partied hard once," Andrew said, "and now he's like this in all the fanfics." It seemed like Brent would have to be shipped to rehab before I could befriend him.

I turned to the final person. "That's Dave," Andrew said. I immediately fell to floor, trying to process the sight. Even though he was only mildly attractive, I was falling in love with him in an attempt to stick with the stereotypical plot.

I was in love with David Escamilla, even though nobody ever told me that was his full name.

And even if this was the first time I ever saw him, I still loved him.

"Oh, yeah, we never found out your name," Andrew mentioned. I snapped out of the strange boy-crazy trance I was in, and gave him a disgusted look.

How dare he not know my especially long and highly unique name.

I felt shamed by these men I had known for less than an hour.

I let out a pained screech, that sounded more like a bird call than a yell. I must have been doing that for a few minutes, because everyone quickly surrounded me.

Brent even woke up from his drunken sleep to stare.

I suddenly did an impressive triple backflip, even though I have had no gymnastics experience. However, I was a special snowflake, and could do impressive things like that. "My name is Alixandria Moonfield Tanbody Cowmilker Fignewton Tiffany Daisyshine Blackheart, and you don't forget it!" I cried out, though sometimes even I forgot my own name.

I dashed towards the door dramatically, and then knew the theatre classes I took in middle school had payed off.

"Alix, wait!" Dave yelled, somehow knowing exactly which of my names I went by. I turned around, making it as dramatic as I could.

It was almost like a scene in one of my mother's favorite television programs, the poorly written soap operas.

"Alix, I love you!" Dave declared, reaching for me. I looked at him lovingly, as if he were a Pumpkin Spice Latte, because I'm a white girl, and the two are both of equal value to me.

Even though I had known Dave for less than five minutes, I knew it was true love. Our love was even stronger than the chemistry between me and Andy's mole.

We leaned in to kiss each other sloppily and drunkenly, but just as we were about to, we heard police sirens.

"This is the police who are dressed a birds for no particular reason! Come out with your limbs in an upward position!"