The Worst Crown The Empire Fanfic Ever

Part 3

We had all been arrested by the strange bird people. I had also come to the conclusion that they were furries.

Benn was the only one that wasn't arrested, because clearly he wasn't important enough.

We were all crammed together in a jail cell, which was actually quite an awful idea on the guard's part. This just meant we could plan better, and also cuddle. Except Brandon, he was too busy cuddling with his weed.

"Wow, this sucks," Hayden sighed. "Like a certain album released on July 22nd, 2016, that I was totally not associated with."

"We should find a way to get out of here," Brandon said, pointing out the obvious, and magically not stuttering.

I then noticed a large window in the corner. "Look!" I said, gesturing to the colossal window that somehow nobody else noticed was there.

"How far down is the ground?" Andrew asked me, instead of looking for himself. That lazy Mexican. I looked out the window, seeing it was twenty stories up.

I was a dumb blonde, and had no idea how many feet a single story was, so I just assumed twenty stories and twenty feet were the same thing.

"Twenty," I shrugged. Everyone else shrugged as well, assuming I meant twenty feet.

The door to the cell opened, and I looked over to see one of the police birds. "Hello," the bird said to us, "my name is The Raven."

I found it strange he chose that name. Of all the birds he could've picked, he just happened to choose a raven. He could have been The Hummingbird or The Peacock, but I guess those weren't menacing enough.

"So I'm gonna torture you all," The Raven said nonchalantly. I squinted in disapproval. "Why?" I asked, no motive behind the question.

"Lmao because I can, fools," The Raven said. He then boarded the segway he came in on and rode off into the hall.

"Quickly!" I shouted, so loud I had no idea how the bird people didn't hear me. "We need to jump out this window!"

I saw Brent looking out the window. He wasn't drunk, for once. "Uh, that looks like twenty stories, not twenty feet," he remarked.

I laughed. "Lol I never said twenty feet," I replied, ignoring the fact that the drop was so far we could all die.

"Oh well, twenty and two hundred feet are pretty much the same," Andrew said.

I noticed Dave hadn't spoken yet, and then I felt his hands on my hips, which I did not find romantic in the slightest.

"Aight, we need someone to jump first so we can make sure it's safe," Dave said, beginning to cling to me. Wow, he was clingy. Or maybe I was and just didn't notice it. I'm a woman, and am therefore a confusing and sensitive creature.

"I say we get the least important and therefore worst member of the team to jump first," I said. All eyes fell on Brent.

"Woah there!" Brent yelled, obviously under-reacting. "Shouldn't Alix jump first? We just met her yesterday!" He spoke the truth.

"Well," Andrew said, "we can choose the friend we've known for several years, or the hot female protagonist to throw out the window."

"We have to go with the obvious choice," Hayden said to the group. Then, without a second thought, pushed Brent out the window.

We all looked out the poorly placed window, to see Brent was somehow alive after a fall of two hundred feet. Clearly the author of this story has never taken a physics class.

"Who's next?" Andrew asked, subtly implying he had no intention of going next. "Me, the second least important," Hayden said. He then threw himself out the window gracefully, even though there is no possible way to be thrown out a window with grace.

Brandon then went, making sure he clutched his large supply of weed that somehow hadn't been confiscated yet.

I felt hands on my rear, though jail was not the time for PDA. "We shall jump together," Dave said. He actually didn't ask for my input, and just grabbed me as he chucked himself out the window. We landed in an intriguing gymnastic pose, even though we should have broken our limbs.

Andrew then came falling down, completing our perfectly arranged gymnastics stunt.