Ashes ~ (a TenRose Fanfiction)

Difficult

A drably chapter, Im sorry my updates have been so infrequent and really bad recently, I just feel like this story is really predictable and I hate myself for it. But anyway, hope you like this.
Ella X
P.s: I'm on 1% so I can't edit this now, so apologies for mistakes. I can't be bothered to get out of bed and find my charger (the struggles)

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~Chapter 30
-Roses POV (again I'm so sorry)

When I arrive back in the TARDIS Im completely soaked from a heavy downpour of rain that hit me on my walk back. I'd spent hours talking to Mickey, and it felt so good to just...catch up. I decide approaching the Doctor about such a delicate subject right now really isn't the best idea. He's halfway under the console, tweaking and mending whatever it is that was bothering him, or either that he was just busying himself. Unnoticed, I move quietly over to the jump set where I sit down, making sure I'm behind him.
"Thought you were supposed to be resting" I say with a raised eyebrow. The Doctor jolts in surprise of my presence, and pulls himself out from the console.
"Rose" he says, and sits up, placing a giant spanner on the grating.
"Hi" I say a little uncertainty at his blank expression "you alright?"
"Yes. You've been gone hours"
"Only a certain amount of hours I can be gone is there?" I tease. But he doesn't seem amused.
"No, you can be gone as long as you like" he shrugs and tugs at his ear, then stands up and tugs a bit of my soaking hair "What were you doing?"
"Just talking" I shrug.
"In the rain?"
"It wasn't raining when we were talking" I say "It started when I was walking back"
"Well it only started raining five minutes ago, so you were talking for an impressive 3 hours"
"You've just got to be so specific" I smile. "I'd hug you if I wasn't this wet"
"I don't mind" he says.
"No it's okay. I'll just...I'll go take a shower"

But after my shower I don't feel any more at ease about approaching him, so I decide to confine myself to the library where I can forget what I wanted to ask him. Wearing old pyjamas and with matted damn hair, I stretch out on one of the big sofas and curl up in a blanket by the fireplace. It's not long before footsteps sound in the corridor, and I know he's right by the door.
"You okay?" He says softly. I turn my head to see him stood in the doorway.
"Yep" I say, and turn back to the fire. He comes into the room, and I notice him out the glasses he had previously been wears into his top pocket. He takes a seat on the sofa beside me. There's a couple of seconds before either or us speaks.
"Boyfriend trouble?" He asks, his voice fiat and face stiff. I pause for a moment.
"You know he's not my boyfriend" I say.
"Does he know that?"
"How could you...how could you even say that after what we've been through? You know I'm not like that with him any more"
"Sorry" he says, settling into the sofa a little more.
"Yeah" I swallow, and turn back towards the fire.
"I just...I worry you're not happy" his voice is almost too fast to hear, and I take a moment to register his words.
"Of course I'm happy"
"But you just seem so....distant. I know how life can be on the TARDIS, and it can be tough, so if you need to..." He pauses and tugs at his ear a little "talk. That's okay"
"I'm perfectly happy, Doctor. But thanks" I smile lightly. Why do I feel so awkward? It's like I've never sat so close to him before, every nerve in my body is tingling with energy, itching to be closer, but the question I've been wanting to ask is clouding my mind so much I can barely register what's around me yet alone having a conversation.
"You wanna tell me what's in your mind then?" he crosses his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow.
"I...I just..." I try to find the right words "It's about Albany" I finally spit out, swallowing hard.
"What about her?" The a Doctors brows bunch together and I find myself become increasingly more nervous as the seconds pass.
"I worry about her....a lot" I say.
"Is that what it is?" He says, leaning back, looking a little relieved.
"Well yeah....I guess"
"I thought it'd be something serious...Like on one of those rubbish soap operas that your mother plays when someone's been hiding a pregnancy or something"
"Well, I can tell you now I won't be announcing a pregnancy any time soon" I laugh a little and avoid his eyes, realising the tension between us has just risen another mile. "Look, what I was trying to say...well, what I've wanted to ask you for a while..."
"No" he says a little bluntly, avoiding my eyes.
"I'm sorry?" Feeling confused, I look over at him.
"I know...I know what you're going to say and no, we're not" he says. So he doesn't want to adopt? Or maybe he...maybe he's not talking about Albany at all?
"What?"
"We're not compatible" he says those last words as if he had rehearsed them from text in a history book, a factual statement with no real meaning.
"Oh" is all I manage "Well I kind of assumed that anyway" I say, and swallow hard, placing my hands tightly in my lap and we both avoid looking at each other "but that's not what I was going to say"
"What? What were you going to say?" He turns his head towards me but I can't bring myself to return the gaze.
"I don't want Albany in that home anymore...I want her out of there. It's not right"
"So you what her in another home?" The Doctor asks. I try to swallow down my nerves. I knew this was not going to easy.
"No. I...I think she would be much better," I take a deep breath "with us"
There's a long pause of silence that drags out in the air, just the flickering of the fire seeping into our ears and blocking out everything else.
"In the TARDIS?" He asks. I look over, and we finally look at each other. I nod slowly, looking for any signs of reaction. "Ah" he swallows "Well, well that would be...well..."
"I'm sorry. Shouldn't of asked" I take a shaky breath and stand up to leave, but the Doctor grabs my arm, and turns me back towards him "Don't go"
"But you don't....I shouldn't have even asked"
"Why not? You can ask me anything" he lets go of my arm.
"But it was wrong ask you to make such a-a human, decision"
"Rose," he pauses a second, before coming to stand in front of me and clasps his hands in mind "I think...That would be great" he says. I freeze.
"What?"
"But of course there would be...complications" He says. Not knowing what to say, I shuffle between my two feet.
"Of course"
"Where would she go to school? Where would we tell the adoption centre she's living? It's just..." he says.
"Difficult" I take my hands away from his and stand back a little. He looks me straight in the eyes and then I see a smile beginning to form in the corners of his mouth.
"But when have we ever turned something down because it was "difficult"?"
"Wait, are you saying..."
"Yes. Yes, I am"