Fall.

Chapter 12.

"Hey, I missed you." A low voice whispered in my ear. I stopped moving around the books in my locker and let their arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"I missed you too." I said, turning around to pull Ashton into a full hug.

Ashton pulled away shortly after. "I'm sorry that I left right after...this happened."

"It's fine. I had plenty of things to do to keep me busy." I smiled. I glanced down at Ashton and our fingers laced together at our sides, putting a warm feeling in my stomach.

"Like Luke?" Ashton asked, making me jump at the mention of his name.

"What about Luke?" I spoke back almost too quickly.

"Well I'm sure you hung out with him a little over break, right? You guys are pretty good friends, unless you're fighting again." Ashton said and chuckled at that last part.

"Oh, yeah. I saw him a couple times." I shrugged.

Obviously I hadn't told Ashton about what happened on New Years. After Luke and I kissed the first time, we broke out into a huge fight, similar to the one we had in the treehouse earlier that day. Once we were finished fighting, though, we ended up kissing again. That only resulted in more fighting, mainly the two of us questioning why this kept happened when I had a boyfriend. Finally, we calmed down enough to agree that we were going to pretend this never happened. I think that Luke and I were more nervous that someone was going to find out about this than we were mad at each other.

"Stella?" Ashton called, waving a hand in front of my face. I almost wanted to correct him and tell him that my name was Stel, but I realized that was wrong and stopped myself.

I blinked, moving my head back from him. "What?"

"Hello? Do you want to go to lunch?" Ashton asked. I must have spaced out for a couple seconds. "Michael's probably waiting for us."

"Oh, right. Sure." I laughed nervously, following after Ashton down the hall.

We arrived in the lunchroom shortly after. We made our way to our usual table, where I could already see Michael and his faded pink hair waiting for us. We got many stares from many people that I'd never even seen before as Ashton and I walked through the crowded lunchroom, our hands still linked together. I'd almost forgotten what status Ashton had at this school, I don't know why I had thought that we wouldn't be getting much attention with this relationship.

"Hey!" Michael called to us once we reached the table, his feet propped up.

"Get your feet down," I scolded him, pushing his feet off the table, "people eat there."

"God, sorry." Michael rolled his eyes at me as we sat down.

"You're such a boy." I sighed. I reached over the table and stole a french fry from Michael's trey.

"And you're such a girl." Michael laughed, sticking his tongue out at me.

"Alright kids, stop fighting." Ashton joked.

"Stella's the kid, I'm not." Michael replied smugly, folding his arms over his chest.

"I am not! You're the one who-"

"Hey! You're not allowed to tell embarrassing stories about me!" Michael yelled.

"Why not?" Ashton asked.

"Because one time I told our whole freshman biology class this story about Stella having this-"

"Don't tell him! I shouted, trying to save myself from more embarrassment. The story was about how I had such a huge crush on Ashton in freshman that I would attempt to follow him all around the school to get a glimpse of him. Not only was it extremely creepy, but I also ended up getting hit in the head with a locker while trying to chase him, which ultimately eliminated stalking Ashton from my list of priorities.

"Fine, fine, I won't. Anyway, I told our whole class about it and Stella got really mad, so now we aren't allowed to tell other people embarrassing things that we know about each other." Michael explained.

Ashton nodded, like he was trying hard to understand what Michael had just said. He must have not really cared that much, because shortly after he moved on to ask Michael about some video game that they were both into. I sat back in my seat and listened to them quietly talk to each other, not bothering to try and include myself in the conversation.

"Hey." A voice said. I turned to face it, and found Luke sitting down next to me. His usual lunch was in his hands: a can of Coke and a bag of chips.

"Hey," I said, reaching out to grab a chip. "Just chips?"

Luke slapped my hand away. "Yes, just chips."

"What, they don't sell popcorn here?" I laughed lightly.

"No." Luke shook his head. "I mean, I've thought about requesting it, but I never have. I don't want to bring that much attention to myself."

"You don't want to be known as the guy that got the lunchroom to sell popcorn?" I asked.

"I don't want to be known as anyone." Luke shrugged, taking a handful of chips and shoving them in his mouth. With his mouth still full he said, "I've done a pretty good job so far of getting through high school un-noticed."

"I notice you. They notice you." I said, gesturing to Ashton and Michael, who were still too consumed in their conversation to pay any attention to either of us.

"You're different." Luke pointed a finger at me. He gave me a small smile as he took a sip of his Coke.

"Right." I nodded. "Anyway..."

"How are you and Ashton?" Luke asked, setting down his drink.

"Alright." I glanced over at Ashton. "He doesn't know about you and I if that's what you're asking."

Luke let out a big sigh, most likely of relief. "We can't do that again."

"I know, we talked about this. It was a mistake." I said, dropping my voice. Luke scooted his chair closer to me, so he had an easier time hearing what I was saying.

"Ashton can't find out either, ever. Do you have any idea what he'll do to me if he finds out I've made out with his girlfriend three different times?" Luke asked. He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, his nervous habit coming back.

"Well," I countered, "one of the times he and I weren't even dating-"

"It doesn't matter, Stel!" Luke rose his voice, then after noticing what he had done, lowered it again. "We still kissed twice on New Year's Eve, while you're dating Ashton."

"You know, it would have only been one time if it wasn't for you?" I laughed sarcastically.

Luke laughed himself and popped a few more chips in his mouth. "You're blaming me for this?"

"No." I paused, making sure to whisper even though I doubted Ashton or Michael could hear me. "I mean, I kissed you first right at midnight, that was okay. Complete strangers kiss each other at midnight on New Years. But-"

"Do they kiss like that? Because you sure used a lot of ton-"

"Luke!" I yelled. "No, okay maybe they don't kiss like that. Anyway, what I was saying was that it was you that kissed me the second time.."

"Oh, come on! I was frustrated, I kissed you, I'm sorry." Luke smiled and brushed through his hair with his fingers. I was glad that he was handling this in a more joking manner rather than how he acted the last time this happened.

"Frustrated?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Luke laughed again. "Jesus, Stel. What am I supposed to say?" Luke put on a fake high-pitched voice and batted his eyelashes a few times. "'Oh, Stel you just looked so pretty with all the lights on you and even though we were in the middle of a fight I just had to kiss you because now that you're dating Ashton I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to do it again'."

I wondered if that was how Luke actually felt. I knew that there were definitely some feelings for me there, but I had tried to convince myself that after Ashton asking me out Luke wouldn't feel that way anymore. I told myself that Luke had pushed all those feelings out, so I didn't have to worry about him anymore. I wasn't sure if he even did, though and I thought that he would feel that I did the same thing too, that I wouldn't have any more feelings for him. Maybe both of us were wrong.

"Funny." I smirked, clapping a few times at Luke's little performance.

"Is that what you wanted to hear?" Luke asked, in his normal voice this time.

"More or less." I shrugged.

"I was frustrated." Luke said blankly, making sure that I understood that he hadn't actually meant what he said a few seconds before.

"I understand." I nodded.

"So," Luke dragged out the 'o'. "We can't do that again."

"Yes, okay, I get it, we can't and we won't." I rolled my eyes.

"And don't let Ashton find out, because he can probably kill me if he wanted to." Luke warned me.

"Oh, god, have you met the guy?" I threw my hands up in the air. "He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

"That's what you think." Luke shrugged.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my leg. Thinking at first that it was Luke's, I almost slapped it off of me. But it didn't take me long to realize that it was Ashton.

"Are you guys alright?" Ashton asked, smiling at Luke and I.

"Yeah, we're fine." Luke answered.

"You looked like you were arguing about something." He laughed.

"Well," Luke said a little louder than necessary. "You know Stel and I, we just argue all the time. Right, Stel?"

I could tell that Luke was scared of Ashton finding out what happened between us over break, but he was doing a really obvious job of letting Ashton know that something was up. I kicked Luke under the table, hopefully he'd be able to read that as a signal to shut up.

"Stella, do you want to get out of here?" Ashton asked, standing up. He held out a hand for me.

"Where?" I took his hand and let him pull me up.

Ashton shrugged. "You'll see."

Our fingers intertwined together as Ashton lead me out of the lunchroom. I glanced over my shoulder, taking one last look at Luke and Michael sitting at the table. Thankfully, they were talking. I would feel even worse if I had left Luke to just sit there by himself for the rest of the lunch period.

After walking in and out of hallways and talking about meaningless things for who knows how long, Ashton stopped us.

"Did you know that I actually started hanging out with Michael because I thought you were pretty and wanted to get to know you?" Ashton asked.

"Really?" I felt my eyes grow wide. I had always wondered how Michael and Ashton had become such good friends, I guess I was the reason.

"Yeah, I mean, it's just an added bonus that Michael's a cool guy, otherwise I probably wouldn't still be friends with him." Ashton laughed. He pulled me backwards until he was leaning against the door of an empty classroom, or janitors closet, whatever.

"I-"

"You don't need to talk." Ashton whispered. I felt him reach behind him and turn the knob of the door we were against.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"You'll see." He repeated, pressing his lips to mine and pulling me into the dark room behind us.

~

"So, what did you and Ashton do after you left us at lunch?" Luke asked. We were at the library again, even though it was the first day back at school from break and we didn't have anything to study.

"Not much." I said, remembering what happened after we entered that empty classroom. "We just kissed a little, talked a little, kissed some more."

"I thought you didn't like guys like that." Luke mumbled into his hand. He had been staring down at the same worksheet for the past 10 minutes and hadn't filled anything out.

"Like what?" I asked. I just couldn't recall what Luke was talking about.

"Guys that only want to make out all the time." Luke said plainly, still looking at the paper in front of him.

"I meant guys that don't even know me that well. I've known Ashton for almost three years." I explained. Ashton was different, I didn't really mind that he wanted to kiss all the time. At least he knew more about me than just my name.

"He just started to notice you this year." Luke said, chewing on his cheek again.

"So did you." I countered.

I hadn't spoken to Luke at all before the beginning of this year, that's why I thought it was a little strange that after a relatively short time we had become pretty good friends. I was always amazed by friendships like that, that formed out of nothing and out of no where the two people became the best of friends. It's weird how things like that work.

Luke dropped his pencil and looked up at me. He had an angry look on his face, but I think he was more tired than angry. "You think I just started noticing you this year?"

"Yes?" I questioned, unsure of why Luke was using such a harsh tone with me.

"I had noticed you long before your mom called me and asked if I could tutor you. I was in you biology class for a few weeks in freshman year, and I can still remember how annoying you were. Thank God I got switched out of that class. In sophomore year I had a locker right across from you, but of course we never spoke because you hardly came to your locker, you were too busy chasing Ashton around. I've also been in your lunch period every year, only I didn't start actually coming to lunch until recently." Luke finished. He slumped back in his chair and glared at me.

I still wasn't sure why he was acting so upset, but I did feel bad now about not really noticing Luke before. Sure, I've always been able to point him out in a crowd, everyone knew who Luke was, he was that genius kid that could solve math problems like nobody's business. But I had never taken the time to say hi to him, or even really acknowledge him until I was forced to.

Instead of answering, I leaned back in my own chair and stared back at Luke. I always admired the way that he could wear the same black hoodie almost every day and still pull it off. I couldn't even remember the last time I had seen him without it. I let my eyes travel down to his legs, where I noticed that his jeans had a big hole in the knee. Suddenly my mind was flooded with different questions about the hole in Luke's knee making him cold when he stood outside, or if his foot got stuck in it when he was putting the jeans on in the morning.

"Can we go?" Luke asked, suddenly standing. He began to shove his things back into his backpack.

I nodded and put my own things away. "Are you alright?"

"Me?" Luke asked, his eyes meeting mine.

"Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to?" I laughed quietly.

"I'm okay." Luke gave me a small smile. He threw his backpack over his shoulder and started walking.

"Just okay?" I followed behind him.

After walking a few feet Luke stopped and turned around. He grabbed my shoulders and leaned down slightly so that we were eye level. "I'm okay, Stel. Just okay."

"You should be more than okay." I whispered, shaking my head.

"I'm not, though. I never really am. I'm just okay, fine, alright." Luke stopped talking and glanced around the library. His eyes caught on something and lingered there for a moment before returning back to me. "I'll work on it, okay? I'll work on being more."

I nodded. Luke obviously had something up with him, whether it was a mild form of depression or that he just got a little sad sometimes. This moment made me realize how much I hated seeing him upset. I would take happy, smiling Luke over anything.

"Hold on a second, I'll be right back." Luke said warily, staring off into the corner of the library again. He let go of me and jogged over there, ignoring my protests.

I let out a big sigh and turned around, only to be met with one of the librarians that we always see when we come to the library. She was an older woman, with curly grey hair and big glasses, who looked like the type to shh you at every little noise you make.

"Oh! Uh, sorry-" I stammered, trying to think of an excuse to use for why I was just yelling at Luke.

"You and your boyfriend come in here every week and you never get anything done." The librarian sighed.

"What?" I asked, thinking about Ashton as he was my actual boyfriend.

"Your boyfriend, the one who just ran off." She said, pointing to the corner that Luke disappeared into.

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend." I laughed. "He's just my friend."

"You don't act like it." The woman scoffed, folding her arms across her chest. She leaned up against one of the shelves and stared off into the corner Luke was in.

"We're just friends!" I practically shouted, frustrated with this old woman. She just shook her head and shhed me.

I felt a pair of hands come to the sides of my waist and pinch me. I let out a yelp, this time not caring about how loud I was being in a library. I turned around to find Luke standing there, laughing at my reaction.

"Asshole!" I groaned, putting my hands on Luke's chest and pushing him back. He knew I was ticklish.

"I'm sorry." Luke said through laughs. He put his hands up to surrender.

"Where did you go?" I asked.

"Oh, uh, I was just looking for, uh, a book." Luke said, obviously creating an excuse for something.

"Books are over here, DVDs and CDs are over there." The librarian said, pointing again to the corner of the library Luke had come from.

"I didn't ask you." Luke scowled at the woman. He grabbed my hand. "We have to go.

As Luke was pulling me out of the library, the librarian called after me. "Not your boyfriend my ass!"

Luke shot me a sideways glance as he quickly pulled me out of the library, a mixture of confusing and worry.

"Who the hell was that?" Luke asked once we had gotten outside. The wind blew and we both let go of each other's hands to hold our jackets closer to our bodies.

"I have no idea, she just started talking to me." I shrugged. "What were you doing back there?"

"I was just looking for something." Luke kicked at the ground.

"Tell me the truth." I pressed, seriously interested in what happened.

"The truth hurts." Luke sighed, taking my hand in his once again.

"What does that mean?" I asked. I was completely clueless.

"It doesn't matter!" Luke yelled. "Jesus, Stel."

"Sorry." I muttered. Luke obviously wasn't in a very good mood right now, I don't know why I bothered to try and talk to him. I stared down at the ground as we walked, letting Luke lead me through the crowded city.

"Stel." Luke groaned. He stopped us again. "I'm sorry, I'm in kind of a bad mood."

"I can tell." I replied harshly.

"No, listen to me. I'm sorry, okay? My mom put me on those pills, you know? And I'm supposed to take them twice a day but I ran out, and I've just..I've just felt really shitty all day and I feel like this switch inside of me has turned off and I really didn't mean to be such a dick to you back there but I can't help it, that's just how I am." Luke explained. "The pills have been working and I've been able to act better when I'm around you so I've been trying to take them like I'm supposed to, for you. I'm sorry, Stel."

"You don't have to apologize." I sighed, realizing now why Luke had been acting differently this afternoon.

Luke closed his eyes for a long time, then opened them again. "I just wish I could be normal."

"You are, though. You're your own kind of normal." I assured him.

"Apparently that's not good enough." Luke sighed, then continued to walk down the street.







this was kind of a boring chapter I'm sorry but it's all leading up to the good stuff in the next few chapters I promise. I just wanted to say thank you for all the cute comments and tweets and other things like playlists and book reviews, it really means a lot to me and I'm sooo happy that you guys like this story and all of my other ones :)