Turn Away (A Hollstein Fic)

'Say It If It's Worth Savin' Me.'

"W-what do you mean Laura.." Her tone was uneasy and broken. I couldn't look up because I knew her facial expression would only add more to the pain I was feeling.

"I mean this is something bigger."

"How much bigger.."

I sniffle and wipe my tears with my jackets sleeve. I wasn't sure if I could say it. I didn't want to say it. It hurt me knowing I was hurting her. If only I knew she'd care this much I never would have gotten involved. This was what I wanted to avoid. This was what I couldn't take going through again.

"Laur." She says with shaky voice. "How much bigger-"

"Leukemia Carm.. I.." tears start streaming down my face. "I've got Leukemia."

She takes a step back from me.
"H-how long.."

I look at my hands to avoid her gaze."For over 4 years now."

"But h-how-"

"How did I keep it from you? I don't know either okay.. I just.. I handled my meds well. Every time I told you I was seeing my dad, I was really going to chemo. My hairs been cooperative and hasn't fallen out for now.. and the 'stomach bugs' are actually side effects of the chemo along with the nose bleeds.."

She stays silent. I finally find the courage to look up and immediately regret my decision. A broken girl stood before me. Tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Her hands tightly wound into fists. I caused this.

"I'm so sorry Car-"

"Don't" she interrupts me. My breath hitches at the pain and anger she had in her voice. "The chemo can help right? I mean, you've still got a chance to.." She pauses and shakes her head, "you can fight this right?" Her voice now expressing a sting of hope.

"I.. I don't know. The chemo.. I stopped for two years and I just started back up not too long ago. There's no telling.." I can see a tear fall from her eye. She turns her back to me trying to hide her face.
"My doctor told me to live a full life Carmilla. A life full of friends, education, love... and awakening. They told me to live and I've refused to. I've refused to hurt anyone with the possibility of not making it through this in the end. That was, at least, until you came along.. I didn't know you'd be this.. this important person in my life. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone and you weren't supposed to fall for me as..." I pause hesitating to admit this now. "..as I have for you."

"Then why.." She says still with her back to me. "Why didn't you just tell me."

"I.." I wipe the tears from my eyes. "I was scared.."

"Laura.." She turns around and takes a long look at me. Her cheeks are tear stained and her eyes show nothing but pain.

"I understand if you don't ever want to see me-"

"No Laur, I-"

"Maybe thats for the best." I interrupt her. "I-I've got to go." I walk fastly past her. She doesn't try to stop me this time and I didn't blame her. I had a chemo session to attend and I couldn't miss another. I wipe my eyes and try to contain myself before I reach the hospital.

- - - - - -

Carmilla's POV:

"I'm so stupid!" I punch the brick wall of the alley way causing it to break a little with my strength. I put my back against it and slide to the floor wrapping my arms around my knees and digging my face in them.

Why didn't I see the signs? Was this why I couldn't hear her heart beat? I should have listened to Mattie. I shouldn't have gotten close.

No..

She can't be sick.. There's got to be a way to fix this. To help her.

I close my eyes for a bit trying to take in all that just happened.

I've gotta do something..

I stand up quickly and start running.
My mind had its own destination but my feet were leading me else where.

I didn't care what problems I had before. I wanted to save her. I wanted to fix this. I needed a way. I just realized how valuable this tiny fragile girl was to me and now I'm going to lose her.. just like Elle. Just like my real family. I couldn't watch it happen. Not again.

Tears built up in my eyes. I wipe them away running at my fastest speed. I didn't care if anyone saw me, I'd probably be too quick for their vision. I just kept running..

- - - - -

It was late out when I finally reached the one place I never thought I'd come again. I walked up the all too familiar pathway to get to the red wooden doors of the place. It looked as it did when I left. The grass was cut perfectly, the windows glowed with shaded light from the living room and dining area. On the second floor I could see only one room lit up.

I don't hesitate to knock on the door. The click of heels coming from a distance from behind the door no longer brought fear to me. When I hear the door knob clicking and turning I back up from the door trying to conceal my emotions before it opens.

"Mircalla dear! Oh how I've miss-"

"Dont." I say with anger as best I could. She instantly tenses up and shakes her head.

"I've been writing you since you've left. Did you finally get my lett-"

"I need your help." I say interrupting her. I wasn't here to speak with her. I had nothing more to say at the moment.

"Anything for my dear daughter Mircalla."

"I said don't okay?" I walk past her and into the house. She shuts the door behind me and my reason for being here becomes clear again.

And just like that, I can feel myself breaking down.