Turn Away (A Hollstein Fic)

The Silence Is Deafening.

I awoke the next morning to Carmilla's body missing from behind me. I frown and search the room only to find she's gone. I raise the head of my bed a little to a sitting position yawning and stretching to wake myself up. I see Carmilla's jacket draped over the chair beside my bed so she mustn't be far. I see a book placed delicately across the chair as well. I reach to grab it when Carmilla walks through the door with a tray of scrambled eggs and water.

"Morning cupcake, sleep well?" She says flicking on the other set of lights making the room much brighter. She closes the door behind her and places the tray on a small table beside my bed.

I nod and smile at her.

"Well I got you breakfast," she smiles. "We've got to rebuild your strength." She walks towards me and places her hands on my waist. I wrap my arms around her neck pulling her into a hug. She holds me gently making me wish she could hug me tighter without me feeling pain. I just wanted her close. It was an overwhelming feeling right now.

"Sorry" I pull back. "I just... wanted to feel.." I pause trying to find the words but can't put my finger on it.

"Don't apologize," she says placing a hand on my cheek. "It's hard concealing myself from holding you." She whispers placing a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and let her soft lips pressed against my skin sink in. I wanted out of here. She made me feel at home but when I opened my eyes I knew this place wasn't home at all.

"Here," she pulls out the table that holds my tray over my bed. "Please try to eat a little? The meal was approved by Dr. Lafontaine. They said it's soft texture may allow you to hold it down a little better. She hands me a spoon. I look at the plate of scrambled eggs. The eggs looked watery and it's scent was unpleasant enough to make me feel nauseous. I can feel my stomach starting to churn and my face go hot.

Please no, not now.

Carmilla notices the effect the eggs have on me and immediately removes the plate from my view. She hands me my bed pan but I manage to control my urge to release the contents of my stomach.

"Maybe... oatmeal would have been the smarter choice." She says with a frown.

"How about applesauce?" I suggest. "It's sweet but it may be a little more pleasant for me."

She nods and quickly walks out of the room with the plate of eggs. I sigh laying back against the bed. I didn't feel comfortable at all. The thought of puking in front of Carmilla was a little embarrassing honestly which only made me try to hold it back more. She understood and was caring about everything but I didn't feel comfortably ready for that. A burning sensation was left in my throat from holding it back so I take a sip of my water.

When I raise my glass I look through the doors small window to see Lafontaine talking to Carmilla. They seemed to be informing her on something because Carmilla was focused and nodding to their every word. I wonder what they were talking about when Carmilla's face suddenly drops. Her focused expression now looking more broken than before. I knew what it meant, though I wish I hadn't had to see it written on her face first.

Pain.

I began to feel it just by staring at her. Not only physical but emotional as well. Pain from the cancer. Pain from the chemo. Pain from watching the ones I care about hurt.

Pure pain.

It was enough to bring tears to my eyes but I quickly wipe them. I didn't want Carmilla to worry more than she already was.

What have I brought her into..

I watch as her and Laf shake hands and she walks towards the door to my room. She opens it with a blank expression on her face. We stare at each other for a good minute before she finally speaks.