Until I Met Her

Chapter 27

⚤  Eleanor   ⚤

Tyler would never leave with me.

I knew she wouldn't. I knew it but I had a little hope that maybe, just maybe if I asked, she'd come around, she'd perhaps think about it. She'd say, man, I love Eleanor and she'd come with me.

I know perfectly well that what I was asking was selfish, I know it was but— I can't stay here. I can't do it. I just hope that maybe later on, Tyler will understand.

I know I can't be mad at her, I want to be and I am but I know that I shouldn't be. She wasn't texting, she wasn't calling, she wasn't dropping by... and when I did those things, when I called, when I text, when I showed up, she refused to get back to me.

I was leaving in two weeks and Tyler had yet to talk to me.

Veronika said she was coming to see me off at the airport in London, Jesse and David too. Mrs Kohen wanted to come too but I practically begged her not to, I know she doesn't like goodbyes and I didn't want to put her through it, besides, being with her reminded me too much of Mum and Tyler and those two combined made my heart break and I didn't want that, I just didn't want to think at all.

If this is what Tyler wanted, then that's what Tyler will get.

⚤

"Do you have everything?" David asked for the hundredth time.

I didn't answer him because I told him I did the first time he asked when we left his house.

The ride to the airport was stressful, David said we'd be okay if we left two hours earlier to do the bag check-in and we arrived just a little over an hour early, thanks to Jesse. David was annoyed and stressed out, he kept saying if I missed my flight I'd have to do this and do that... his voice made me uncomfortable.

I was holding Jesse's hand as we went around the airport, trying to catch up with David long legs. Jesse was trying to keep it together, he wanted me to go but he was sad to see me go. I told him that once I get settled and everything, he should definitely come see me and he was liking the idea, he was already looking up the places I had to take him to whenever he'd visit.

Veronika said goodbye yesterday because she had an exam she couldn't miss. She cried and told me that she'd visit as soon as she could, tried to talk about Tyler but I really didn't feel like it.

When I said goodbye to Mrs and Mr Kohen, I thought she'd be there too, she'd stop being childish and she'd come say goodbye but she didn't. Mrs Kohen apologised for it, told me her daughter was conflicted and hurting. It wasn't her fault but I couldn't help myself, "I'm hurting too, Mrs Kohen." I told her.

She didn't have to say it because her words, even if she didn't mean to, were written all over her face: and you're running away. And yes, I was but because I had to, I needed to. I just wanted Tyler to run away with me too.

And although I understood that I couldn't expect her to drop everything for me... it still hurt that she wouldn't.

And yes, it was absurd for me to be mad about it

But the world was an absurd place where you fall in love with the person you least expect it and your father has been nothing but a stranger your whole life, where your mum beats cancer and then cancer comes back for a rematch, and like in those shitty movies that Tyler loves so much, it comes back stronger and unbeatable.

Life is unfair and complicated and I keep looking around in hopes that maybe Kohen is here, maybe she'll show up after all and maybe somehow we can figure out how long distance works but I walk and I walk and she's not there and I hug my brother goodbye I keep my eyes open in case she's there, watching us, and I say goodbye to David, and she's still not there. And when I walk through security she's not screaming my name, stopping me, like in those movies. When I wait to board, she's not there and neither is she in the plane and even though we're above the clouds I keep hoping she's come up from behind the curtains like the airhostess do and tell me that she loves me and I'd tell her that I was sorry, that I love her too.