High School Blues /Diza

Confused, Disgusted and Wanting more

Liza POV
I've been submerged in a warm bubbly bath for the past hour. My eyes are closed and the events of yesterday are flashing through my mind on repeat. I have school today which means I have to see him. I want to talk to him but I'm not sure I can look at him in the same way again. What happened last night was wrong and somehow it felt so right. Somehow, I wanted to kiss him more and let him have his way with me. The weekend is starting today and I really hope that something exciting comes up for me to do so I could stop thinking about David. I climbed out of the tub and picked up my phone, checking the time. It was only 7:00 a.m. so I took my time getting dressed and combing my hair. I loved my school uniform because it was short and fit my body just right. I quickly flashed a selfie in the mirror, grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs. I see my mom, already dressed for work, cooking eggs with bacon. "Good morning", she says brightly. "Morning", I replied. "Mom.. I need to talk to you about something", I said in a quiet tone. "Sure hun, what's wrong?" She replied. In that moment my dad walked into the kitchen, interrupting my thoughts. "Later",I say to my mother. She nods and then my dad walks over and kisses my head then gives my mom a peck. I sit back and watch my parents getting their meals together. I refuse the plate my mom offers me because I feel weird about eating after last night. I can hear my stomach growling so I leave the room before my parents question me. I put my earphones in and listened to my 'happy' playlist while waiting for my mom to take me to school.

I walked into the halls of Ruinsdale High School and went to the auditorium in search of my bestie, Meghan. I see her sitting on the stage fixing her hair. "Hey, what's up?" I call out while walking over to her. "Nothing much, just chilling,"she says.                               (AN: This is much easier to type so the first letter of everyone's name will be used to indicate that they're speaking)
M: How was your date with David last night?
L: It wasn't a date it was for school but something did happen and I'm not sure how to feel about it and I knew it was wrong but it felt so good in the moment and now I don't know how to face him and I'm worried about how he feels about me and I think I might have feelings for him. (rushed speech)
M: Woah! Slow down, stop rambling. What happened?
L: We made out and took our clothes off and I sorta gave him a blowjob. I know I messed up Meg. I don't know what to do.
M: OMG! What the hell were you thinking Liza? I never thought you would do something like that. How did you guys even get to that point?
L: I don't know. He said that I was hot and that he loved everything about me and the moment just felt so right and I loved kissing him and felt so safe with him. I wasn't even nervous when he took my bra off or when I felt his boner. I guess I was just being really bold but I couldn't see how wrong everything was.
M: Liza you can't beat yourself up about this. I mean you did make a huge mistake and you should be angry at yourself, I'm angry with you too but you have to move on from this and maybe David does have feelings for you, maybe things could work out for the best.

I thought about what Meghan was saying and I knew she was right and I was more than angry with myself.

L: Thanks Meg. I love you.
M: I love you too babe. Now that we're past the serious part, tell me all the gritty details.
L: Huh?
M: I'll make this easy for you. How big is his thing?
L: My God Meg! I'm not talking about that.
M: You have to.
L: I'm not sure but it was really big I guess. I couldn't get much of it in my mouth.
M: Eww! I don't think I would ever give a blowjob.
L: I never thought I would. I don't know what had gotten into me. It didn't really work out though cuz I gagged and stopped but he said it was okay and hugged me.
M: Maybe he does like you.
L: Maybe..
M:Oh the group has a thing this weekend. House party/sleepover at Gabbie's place. Her parents are out of town. See if you can come?
L: Yeah I'll see but I have to talk to mom about all that happened first and I don't know if she'll let me go out afterwards.
M: Then don't tell her. Do you really want your mom to know about that stuff?
L: No, not exactly. It's just that I never keep things from her and this is kind of a big deal and I don't want it to hit me in the face and I have no one to confide in.
M: You have me Liza. I'm always here. You can tell your mom if that makes you feel better but you need to come to this party. It won't be the same without you.
L: I'll see what I will do. I'll try my best to come though. I kinda need to get out to stop thinking about the David situation.
M: Great! I'll see you later babe.

Meghan runs off to her first class and I walk to mine on the other wing of the building.The morning session quickly flies by then it's lunch time. I walk into the cafeteria and I immediately spot my friends, Meghan, Aislinn, Gabbie, Corinna, Zane, Alex, Heath and lastly David. I couldn't even think about him at this point. I walked over to our table and sat next to Meg, as far away from David as possible. Everyone else ate but me and we talked about the sleepover. The whole time David was silent and I could feel his eyes on me. I tried to ignore it but it felt like he was undressing me with his eyes and I was so uncomfortable. I shot up from my seat and raced out of the cafeteria. I could hear Meghan and Aislinn following behind me. I came to a stop at my locker and leaned onto it. My friends reached my side.

A: What's wrong Liza?
L: It's nothing. (I try to brush it off)
M: Lizzy bear you need to control yourself. You can't let the emotions overcome you. What exactly happened?
L: He just kept staring at me and I couldn't help but think he was picturing me naked.
A: Who is he? What are you two not telling me?
L: Ais it's complicated. Meg you can tell her what happened. I need to go freshen up.

I walk away from them and head to the bathroom. I could hear my stomach growling loudly and I still couldn't fathom the thought of putting food in my mouth after having 'that' in there. I didn't realize how grossed out I was about oral. I was so stupid to do that , I am so stupid that I would do it again but actually make it good. I felt so disgusted with myself as I stared into the mirror. I washed my face and brushed my hair quickly then headed outside to get to my next class.
The afternoon session also flew by and I felt so happy that it was Friday afternoon. The weekend had begun. I decided to go home early so I could talk to mom and see if I get to go to this sleepover. I knew David was gonna be there too which kinda defeated the purpose of it but I wanted to be near him again. Maybe we could talk and figure things out.. Maybe we would make out again.. I screamed at myself internally for having those thoughts. I hated my brain right now.
I walked to the bus stop and got on the next bus to home. I unlocked the door with my key and walked in. My mom wouldn't be home till 4:00 p.m. but I heard shuffling upstairs. I walked up the stairs to my parents room and I found my dad there searching through some things.
L: Hey dad.
D: Mon Dieu Liza! You scared me.
L: Oops, sorry. What are you doing home?
D: I just stopped in to get a bag packed. I have another weekend business trip. I'm sorry I'll have to reschedule our skydiving appointment.
L: Its okay, I kinda forgot about it and I have plans for the weekend.
D: What plans?
L: Gabbie has a party/sleepover thingy from tonight to tomorrow. Can I go?
D: Who's going to be there?
L: Gabbie, Meghan, Aislinn and Corinna. ( I purposefully leave out the boys)
D: I don't like that Corinna girl. No boys right? Will Gabbie's parents be there?
L: No boys and her parents won't be there but we really want to be alone without parents hovering. You know?
D: I don't trust you teenagers alone in a house. You need some sort of parental supervision. You can't go unless a parent is there.
L: But dad. We're all almost 16. We're old enough to be responsible and not get into trouble.
D: I trust you Liza, I know you wouldn't do anything stupid but it's yours friends that I'm worried about.
L: Dad please. I won't be influenced by them, you know how headstrong I am. Please please let me go.
D: Fine Liza. I'm not too happy about this but I trust you. If you do anything bad you'll be in trouble with me.
L: Thank you so much Daddy! I love you. And I won't do anything bad.

I felt so bad about lying to my dad. I was beginning to break our trust and I knew that things would start crumbling down but I needed this. I needed to do my own thing for once. I needed to ignore the rules and do what makes me feel good.
My Dad left and mom came home soon afterwards. She asked about what I had wanted to talk about earlier and I broke down and told her everything. I could tell that she was mad but she put aside her anger and comforted me. I felt so much better after telling her. She gave me a serious talk afterwords and everything that she said went into one ear and came out the other. I felt so bad because I knew I would most likely do the bad stuff again. I hated myself for taking advantage of my parents but like I said I needed to do what felt good for a while.
Mom let me go to the sleepover only because Dad said it was okay. She told me that I would not be going out anymore for a while. I really didn't mind as long as the weekend turned out to be 'bomb'.