~Chapter One~

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My mom walked into my room, not knocking as usual. "Noah, breakfast. And for the thousandth freaking time, clean your room after school!"

Although she said that in a joking matter, I felt more irresponsible. I couldn't even do a simple task like keeping my room clean.

'I'm such a slob.' i thought to myself.

As if I was OK, I logged off the computer then headed downstairs.

"OK." i told her.

At the kitchen table were sunny side up eggs, toast, bacon, mini sausages and orange juice. I was never hungry in the morning but since I barely had no energy lately and i was skinny, I forced myself to eat every bite. Surprisingly, i didn't feel any better after eating a big, hearty breakfast.

My parents were still at the table,eating their food quietly. They were in a fight again yesterday. I never knew what they were arguing about but I get the feeling it was over the same thing.

After the fight was over, they would give each other the silent treatment but still tried to act 'normal' towards me.

I wasn't sure If It was a good thing that I didn't have any siblings. I guess I was a bit thankful because I didn't want anyone In this world to feel what I felt or have these thoughts. Even so, I sort of wanted someone to hold when my parents fought or when something bad happened.

Awkward silence was still in the room as my parents finished eating and my mom cleared the table.

My mom drove me to school after she was done eating.

I had Geography first period, Math second, lunch break, Religion then Biology. I was seriously very close to failing each class.

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"Damn it" I cursed under my breath as I repeatedly hit the orange juice button on the vending machine. Why didn't this thing like me? I swear to God, everytime I tried to get a drink or a snack, it just eats my change. I knew these things worked. I had seen everyone else use it when I walk past it to get to my classes.

Fighting the urge to curse and kick the machine, I went back to my regular spot I always sat at lunch break:the first corner on the second floor in the school's hallway.

I slide against the wall to the floor, digging into my bag's front pocket to get my Ipod touch. Unwrapping the ear phones, I stretched out my legs, getting comfortable After I checked I wasn't able to trip anyone passing by, my thumb ran across the cracked screen. I dropped it in Math Class when Oliver said hi to me on the first week of school.

I had no idea how or why that had happened. Mr.Therrien allowed the students to listen to their ipods in class, just as long as it wasn't during a lesson or a test. When I whipped mine out (not in that context) Oliver put both hands on my desk, leaning on It.

"Hey, I'm Oliver. Wassup?"

I remembered not wanting to look up but there was something about his voice caught my attention. When my eyes met with this pair of gorgeous, dark green eyes, I heard a smash. The noise made me realize my Ipod slipped through my fingers and landed screen first on the hard tile floor.

I shook my head viciously, dismissing the flashback that was burned in my mind.

Did I really think Oliver was gorgeous? I mean his eyes? I mean....

"No!No!No!" I scolded myself, the palm of my hand hitting my head after every "no" i said. I didn't care If I looked like a lunatic, smacking my forehead for no reason, these things were also the kind of thoughts I wish I didn't have. Fortunately, they didn't occur daily like my negative thoughts. However, I noticed a couple of things over the last couple of years. I never had a crush on a girl before, whenever I watched movies, I'd only paid attention to the male characters or how when I see two boys or two girls together, it didn't make me feel weirded out or disgusted. It felt normal to me.

So If that seemed normal, I haven't had a crush on a girl before and I only paid attention to male characters, did that mean I was gay?

If it did, I hope this feeling would pass. I didn't want to have these thoughts or feel this attraction towards guys. If this continues, I'd hate myself more.For disappointing my family...and God.

I closed my eyes and buried myself in the old school rap i was listening to. I couldn't take the pain of the loud music anymore so I reached in my pocket and turned it down a bit.

Abruptly, I felt something touch my forehead and, as a reflex, my eyes flew open and I yanked the ear buds out my ears.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that It wasn't a teacher. It was the guy who always waved at me in the hallway or says hi when he sees me in the hall. Once in a while, he'd sit down beside me, but I didn't talk, he spoke about himself, probably trying getting me to speak.

The strange thing was that I remembered everything he told me but...I forgot his name.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." he said, giving me an apologetic smile.

"It's fine."I said dully, putting the song on pause.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" he asked, taking a seat on the floor beside me.

"I'm fine. The vending machine just hates me. Every time I use it, I get robbed. It keeps eating my change."

He got up, pushed a button and a can was pushed out of the section and dropped to the bottom.

What the-?

"You didn't hold down the button did you?"

"That's all I had to do?" I asked, feeling like a dumbass.

"Yep." he answered nonchantaly, opening the can, taking a sip out of it.

"U-um..." I began but he interrupted me.

"I always sit at the Junior table next to the exit," he told me reaching into his pocket."you can join me whenever you feel like it ok?" he took out a Tonnie then tossed it to me.

I nodded, giving him a small smile. He's been like this since the first week of Freshman year. Doesn't he ever get tired of seeing and talking to me? I didn't strike up an interesting conversation, I'm just about boring as a kettle. What could possibly be so interesting about me that he comes to talk and ask to hang out with me for almost a year?

"What....Um....How do you...spell your name?" I asked, using an old trick someone taught me to ask when I have forgotten someone's name. I just hoped It wasn't a three or four lettered simple name like "Ben" or "Jake".

"The way it sounds." he snorted out a laugh. "Dus-tin"

Well at least it wasn't a three letter name. But then again, you can spell Dustin "Duston" or "Dusten"

"You forgot my name didn't you?

I nodded guiltily, feeling ashamed that i forgot the name of the one of the people who is trying to be civil to me. He asked in a joking matter but I still couldn't help but feel bad.

"No need to look so gulity. I only introduced myself once last year. It's fine. Bye. Remember, you're welcome to sit with me in the cafeteria anytime." he waved,walking away.

My mind suddenly went to the conversation between my Biology teacher and I. She gave me the option of getting me a tutor around my age to help me finish the assignments I didn't do so I could catch up. She told me to make up my mind by Friday which was tomorrow.

Since I had squat to do, I tried to figure out the right decision to make.

option 1) refuse to get a tutor, do the work by myself. It sounded good but what If did the questions wrong? Then I'd have no one to correct my mistakes.

option 2) Accept the tutor, he could check my work, help me but what if I did or said something weird or offensive? Maybe I shouldn't say anything around him unless it was something homework related. Yeah, that seemed like a good idea. Besides tutors were supposed to be nice right?

I stood up then walked to Mrs.Earon's room to tell her my final answer before lunch break was over.

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