Perfect (2jae) [Wattys2017]

1

Perfect.
That's what he's supposed to be.
Perfect.
Without complaining he learns the tiring dances, learns lyrics, sings high notes, writes songs, performs for his fans.
He's not complaining because he loves what he does.
He loves music.
He loves his fans.
He loves his band.
His members.
His brothers.
But there's always this thought nagging him: That he has to be perfect.
That people want him to be perfect.
He only trained for seven months so people think he was perfect from the start
And he wants to be perfect.
He wants to be perfect for his fans, his members, his family.
His family that supports him so much.
But he isn't.
He isn't perfect.
Sometimes he wants to give up.
He feels like breaking down.
He wants to cry, scream and hide from the world.
But he doesn't.
Because he has to be perfect.
He lets out a deep sigh and runs his hands through his hair.
"What are you thinking of, Youngjae-ah?", Mark asks.
"Nothing", he answers quietly.
"Everything's perfect", he says sarcasticly.
"I hear it in your voice, Youngjae-ah. What's wrong?", Mark asks again.
"It's nothing Mark-Hyung"; he mutters. "As I said: Everything's perfect."
Mark mumbles a short reply and gets up from his seat on the couch.
He walks over to the window where Youngjae sits.
"Come on. What's wrong?"
Youngjae knows Mark. He won't stop until he gets what he wants.
"Do you sometimes think that we have to be perfect. Like we can't make any mistakes?", he finally asks.
Silence follows.
Mark doesn't know how to answer.
"Yes", he suddenly says. "Yes, I sometimes think about this. But Youngjae-ah?"
Youngjae rips his gaze from the window and looks at the young rapper.
"Mhm?"
"We don't have to be perfect. We are human. We make mistakes. We can't be perfect", Mark says. "We aren't perfect but we don't need to be."
Youngjae stays quiet for a long time as he thinks about the words of his friend.
He stares out of the window. Hugging his knees and resting his chin on them.
His thought's drift away as he looks at the city and e nearly doean't notice how Mark goes back to his spot on the couch.
Youngjae smiles to himself when he hears Babam and Yugyeom's laugher across their flat.
His smile grows even wider when he sees Jaebum, Jackson and Jingyoung crossing the street.
They were grocery shoppinng so they finally can eat something different than delivery.
"The others are coming back", he says and stands up.
A few moments later the three boys walk into the room. Full packed with bags of grocery.
"We're back!", Jinyoung yells, puts the bags he carried into the kitchen and jumps onto the couch next to Mark.
"Hey", Jaebum says and pecks Youngjae's cheek after he put the bags down.
Youngjae smiles and starts to help Jackson who puts all the things thex bought where they belong.
"Did people regconize you?", Mark asks when come into the kitchen to help too.
"No, not at all.", Jackson answers.
Youngjae smiles at the sight of his two friends.
How they look at each other just shows what their feelings but they won't admit it.
The thing between Youngjae and Jaebum was out to the group for a year now.
They were so relieved when the members told them that they think they are a great couple.
But Youngjae was still anxious about it.
They have to keep it a secret from their fans and they can't tell their parents and families.
Youngjae wouldn't have told his parents in the first place because his dad was homophobic at least he always said it wasn't normal to love the same gender.
Jaebum always told him that there was nothing he needs to worry about and that he would always chose Youngjae over everything else.
But that's exactly what makes him so uneasy about it.
He couldn't live with the thought of Jaebum giving up everything for him.
"Earth at Youngjae!", Jaebum says and waves his hand infront of Youngjae's face.
"Yeah?", he says, snapping out of his daydreaming.
"What about chicken for dinner?"
Youngjae arches an eyebrow at him.
"I thought we wanted to eat healthy from now on.", he answers sarcasticly.
"But Youngjae!", Yugyeom and Bambam scream from the living room.
"But Youngjae!", Jaebum imitates them and puts on the cutest pout Youngjae has ever seen.
"Okay, chicken!", he announces.