I walked into Kirstie's dressing room to borrow her straightener since mine was broken. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her passionately making out with Adam. I guess I gasped pretty loud, loud enough for them to hear me. They both jumped away from each other and looked at me shocked.
"Sorry to ruin your moment but I need your straightener Kirst." I didn't know what to do and I couldn't deal with it right then either. We were performing in less than an hour and I had to get dressed still.
They were speechless and I started looking through her stuff by the mirror, "I guess I'll look for it myself." She got up and grabbed it from one of her bags. She handed it to me. But kept her hand on it so I had to look at her.
"Mitch I-" I stopped her and yanked her straightener from her hand.
"If you don't want me to bitch slap you right now. Than I suggest you don't say anything to me." I said and then looked over at Adam.
"How long?" I asked knowing in my heart that it's been a lot longer than I wanted.
He looked away before whispering, "two months." I dropped the straightener and it clattered to the ground. Kirstie gasped and went to get it.
"Don't you dare. You are lucky that is the only thing I'm breaking of yours." I said and she backed away frightened by words.
I opened my eyes picked the straightener up and looked back to Adam. "I'm surprised you didn't just dump me. You obviously strung me a long for some reason. I guess you just need your dick in both holes huh?" I sassed and waked out of the room.
As soon as I closed the door behind me to Scott and I's dressing room I felt my eyes sting. I walked over to the bathroom and plugged the straightener in.
I couldn't believe Kirstie would do that to me for months. Fucking months. Tears welled up in my eyes and I turned Beyonce's album full blast not caring if it was too loud.
Tears ran freely down my cheeks as I belted the lyrics to Hold Up and straightened my hair.
The music was so loud I didn't hear Scott enter the bathroom. He came in to fix his hair and didn't notice the fact that I was crying until my voice cracked at the last note and he looked over.
I could tell he was looking but I just stared straight ahead at my hair as the tears fell. He turned the music lower but I ignored him and put the straightener down and turned it off. I went to grab a beauty blender but when I felt Scott wrap his arms around my waist I covered my face with my hands and started to cry.
"It's okay. It's going to be okay." He whispered in my ear. I looked up a few moments later into the mirror and looked at him.
"I'm sorry. I wish I didn't care. I really wish I didn't but I'm not strong enough." I could tell he was confused not knowing what was happening but he just squeezed me tighter.
"You are so strong. Crying is not a sign of weakness, Mitch. It's okay to cry, it just means that you've been strong for so long that you are releasing these emotions and that makes you even stronger."
I turned around and buried my head in his chest starting to cry harder. I just felt so betrayed and useless. That whole time. With fucking Kirstie.
I finally calmed down enough to pull away and I smiled at him, "Thank you. You don't even know what happened and you aren't pressuring me to tell you, you're just here for me. Thank you." He kissed my forehead and smiled sadly.
"I love you Mitch, and I know you'll tell me when you are ready but until then I will always be here Mitch." I nodded and Esther knocked on the door before yelling that we had to be on stage in ten.
I sighed and grabbed the beauty blender and fixed my make up. I ran to my outfits and grabbed my white button up and skirt changing into them quickly.
Scott stayed waiting for me. We walked to the rest of the group backstage. "Where were you guys?" Kevin asked confused why we were so late.
"I had to straighten my hair." I said glancing at Kirstie who immediately looked down, "Thanks for letting me use your straightener Kirst, you're a lifesaver." I said sarcastically and she nodded obviously uncomfortable but the rest of the group didn't notice as we pulled into a quick prayer before our show.
I had made through most of the show okay but when we had to sing Misbehavin' I tried desperately not to cry. As we got positioned in the bean bags the young girl paired with me looked at me seriously.
"Are you okay?" she asked and I nodded sadly but i knew she could see right through me. "It's gonna be okay." she said just as Scott started the song. I nodded and started to sing. I did my best to finish the song without cracking but hearing Kirstie sing the words made me want to throw up.
That bitch is lying. She was misbehavin' with my fucking boyfriend. Instead of being sad I got angry. I sang NO with so much anger and passion that I kept getting worried looks from Scott and Kevin who were on either side of me.
We got off stage and Scott, Avi, and Kevin gave me worried looks while Kirstie looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but there.
"You okay bud? You seemed angry during No." Kevin asked and I just shook my head and took my ears out and putting my mic down.
"All peachy. I'm gonna go pack up." I said and walked away without looking anyone in the eye. I got into the dressing room and instantly got dressed into sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. No partying tonight. I did not trust myself. I would for sure do something stupid.
I was packing up some of my stuff when I heard the door open and Scott entered. I continued to pack ignoring his presence until he came up and sat right next to my suitcase.
I sighed but continued packing. "We're having a wine night in the hotel room, sound okay?" he asked and looked up at him.
"O-okay." I whispered and smiled sadly maybe this will make me feel better.
I finished packing and we went to the hotel. I was excited for our girls night, Scott would make me feel better I knew it.
I jumped onto the bed thankful for such a nice bed at the moment. I felt a giant body crash into mine and i screamed. Scott laughed and rolled over so he was next to me and not on top of me.
"Jesus, Scott." i yelled laughing and he shrugged.
"Sorry not sorry queen. So shall we crack open this wine-" he was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Oo yay perfect!" he got up and ran to the door.
When I saw who was at the door I immediately got up. Scott and Kirstie walked in and I just stared at them.
"Girls night!" Scott exclaimed oblivious to the tension in the room. I couldn't be mad at him though, he didn't know what happened.
I glared at Kirstie, "You came? You still fucking came even after what happened?" I said feeling angry all over again and Scott's smile immediately disappeared.
"What's going on?" he asked feeling so left out. I ignored him tho and focused on Kirstie. She was looking at me angrily too.
"What was I supposed to do? He would've known if I said I didn't want to come!" she came back and I shook my head.
"Whatever. Get out." I stated plainly but she didn't move a muscle.
"NO we have to talk about this. You are obviously-" she started but I stopped her.
"Do not fucking tell me what I am because you have no idea how I feel." I said with a dark dangerous tone. She took a deep breath.
"Okay. I feel that you are angry." she said sarcastically making me grit my teeth in anger. "Look, I want to tell you that I am truly sorry. We didn't want to hurt you. You were and are going through something and we didn't want you to hurt yourself." I put my hand up to stop her and shook my head with my eyes closed.
"He told you?" i asked and opened my eyes to see her nod sadly. "How much?"
"He told me that he caught you cutting once and you were always calling yourself ugly no matter how many times he called you beautiful you didn't listen. You pushed him away." she said and I tilted my head trying to calm down.
"I pushed him away? No! I fucking pushed him away!" I yelled pointing at Scott who was now sitting in a chair in the corner confused.
"Yes you did! You pushed both of them away! Now you're losing them both! You can't love two men at once Mitch! That's not how it works!"
"I chose Adam! I chose him while he was fucking you! You can't date two people at once! That's not how it works!" I yelled.
"Mitch. He tried desperately to feel something with you but it didn't work. You loved another man. How is that worse than what he did?!" I walked real close to her so that our faces were inches away.
"I didn't sleep with him. I pushed my best friend away and was honest with my feelings. I told Adam and I was getting over it. I didn't lie about it and fuck my best friend behind his back! That's what he did! He lied to me and fucked my other best friend behind my back!" I yelled and she started to tear up.
"You might as well have because he wouldn't have cared! You shouldn't have been in the relationship in the first place. You both love other people." she said trying to dissipate my anger.
"Don't you dare try and rationalize what you two did. I loved him! It's not just like I was dating him for no reason and was just in love with Scott! I was in love with adam and I liked scott! There is a difference! And I fucking pushed him away! I haven't hung out with him more than I have had to for months and that whole time. He was fucking you."
"Mitch. We're sorry." she whispered and I shook my head.
"If you were so scared that I would hurt myself you wouldn't have slept with my boyfriend. If he was sorry he would've manned up and dumped me before sleeping with you."
"Mitch, please I'm so sorry." she started pleading and crying but I looked her dead in the eye with hatred in my eyes.
"You fucked my boyfriend for months and made out with him in the same building I was in. You just told Scott my feelings for him and they were not your to tell. You tried to blame me for your actions. You tried to rationalize your actions and justify them." she was full on crying now.
"You are not my best friend. You are not my friend. Don't ever fucking talk to me again. Now get the fuck out of my sight." I spit the words out like venom and she ran out of the room sobbing. The door slammed shut and I started shaking with anger.
I turned around and saw Scott holding his knees to his chest and tears running down his cheeks. He's probably disgusted with you.
I started to panic. I lost both my best friends and boyfriend in the matter of hours. I started shaking but this time without anger and started hyperventilating. I stumbled to sit down at the edge of the bed.
"i'm-I'm sorry. I-" I got up from the bed and ran out the door. I ran to the first room I knew I could hide in. I ran around the corner and knocked on the door.
Kevin opened the door with a smile but it immediately disappeared when he saw the state I was in.
"P-please let me in." I whispered and he nodded immediately pulling me in.
"Oh hey Mitch what are you... Are you okay?" Avi asked immediately getting up.
"I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I lost everyone within hours. I don't know what to do!" I started sobbing and they both sat next to me comforting me.
"What happened Mitchie?" Avi asked rubbing my back.
"Adam cheated on me." Avi shook his head angrily and Kevin gasped.
"With Kirstie."Avi and Kevin snapped their head toward me in disbelief.
"For months. They were sleeping together for months. God why didn't he just fucking break up with me!?" i asked getting up and pacing the room, "I wouldn't have liked them being together after that but I would have gotten over it."
"I'm so sorry Mitch, I had no idea." Avi whispered looking down and I nodded knowingly.
I told them the whole story of her coming into my hotel room. Our fight. Scott crying and not saying anything.
"He knows I like him what am I gonna do?" I started pacing and crying again, "I don't know what to do! What do I do?!" I started panicking and Avi got up pulling me to him.
"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay." He said over my shoulder.
"He doesn't like me back and now our friendship is ruined and Kirstie and I's friendship is ruined and Adam-" I started to sob and Avi just rubbed my back and held me until I calmed down.
"Do we know for sure that Scott doesn't feel the same?" Kevin asked and I pulled away from avi to look at him.
"I'm just saying in your story he was sitting in the corner crying. I'd bet you a lot of money that he wasn't crying that you liked him and that it would ruin your relationship. What if he was crying because his two best friends in the whole world were fighting. What if he was crying because she revealed that you hated yourself and cut. Which we will talk about later, we are not letting you shut us out on that topic but right now is not the time." Avi nodded and there was a knock on the door startling all of us.
Avi got up and answered the door. Before he could say anything Scott pushed past him looking straight at me and muttered under his breath, "Thank god you're okay."
He crashed into me with a hug and buried my face in his neck letting more tears fall. "I thought you were-" he didn't finish he just kissed my head and I could feel his tears on my head.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and he pulled away tilting my head up to him.
"Stop apologizing when you've done nothing wrong." he said seriously and I just looked down. If i did nothing wrong than why did Adam cheat on me?
"I keep trying to do the right thing but bad things keep happening and I'm trying to keep it together but it's really hard." I said tears running down my cheeks.
"I know. I know sweetheart." he said pulling me into another hug and kissing my forehead.
We stayed in that position for a few moments before Scott picked me up and I screamed. "Scott!" I screeched and Avi and Kevin laughed.
"C'mon we're going to our own room." he said with a warm smile. I laughed and wrapped my arms and legs around him.
We stopped in front of our room and he put me down to fumbled for the key card. As I waited for him to open the door I heard the two familiar laughs as walked hand in hand past us.
Kirstie looked at me sadly and Adam didn't glance at me he just kissed Kirstie's neck causing her to look away and giggle. I felt unsteady and almost fell over when Scott picked me up and hurried us back into the room.
He set me down on my bed and I just stared at the ground. I didn't know how to react anymore I just felt so worthless. My best friends stole my boyfriend and is rubbing it in my face. Scott kneeled down in front of me and held my hands.
"Are you okay?" he asked and I just looked away from him. Nothing was okay. "What can I do?" I just pulled away from him and got in my bed.
I pulled the sheets over myself and turned away from him. He sighed and turned the light off. He kissed my forehead again before climbing in his own bed. Why did I do that? He was just trying to help me. He's probably worried sick about you and pushing him away again is stupid. Look how that worked out.
I sighed and got up. Scott was on the far side of his bed and faced away from me. I lifted his covers and climbed in next to him. He started to turn around but I just wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed his shoulder.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and he turned around to face me.
"Stop apologizing." he said.
He's too good for you. He deserves better.
"But I'm sorry. I sorry for pushing you away and ignoring you for months. It was awful I miss you so much and it's all my fault. I caught stupid feeling for you while I was in a relationship. That wasn;t fair to Adam-"
"Mitch, you pushed me away to be with him. You were totally fair to Adam. You were completely honest to him and if he had a problem he should've ended it."
"But he didn't." I whispered and looked down, "This is my fault. He wouldn't have ever slept with Kirstie in the first place if I never told him about my feelings. God if I never liked you-" he stopped me looking at me sadly.
"Do you regret liking me?"
"Of course I do. It ruined everything. Adam stopped loving me and cheated on me with Kirstie. I got depressed a-and I pushed my best friend away because of it. I cut and I lost my boyfriend to my other best friend and-"
"You cut because of me?" he asked with tears in his eyes.
"No! I-I cut... I cut because I wanted to punish myself for liking you. I can't like you. You are my best friend and it would and probably is ruining our friendship and-"
"Nothing can ruin our friendship, Mitch. I love you." he said and I shook my head.
"Not the way i want to be loved."
"Yes the way you want. I've been in love with you a long time Mitch." he whispered and my heart started pounding.
"You're lying." I couldn't believe him. "That is not funny Scott." I said getting out of his bed but he grabbed my hand.
"Why the hell would I lie Mitch?"
"Because you don't want me to hurt myself! Because you pity me! Because I'm going through a hard time right now and-"
"Mitch! Stop! I know you're scared but stop pushing me away. Stop coming up with reasons that you shouldn't be happy!" I snached my hand away.
"I'm not doing that! I'm being careful because every single fucking time I open up to someone I get my heart broken! And I can't get my heartbroken by you! You are the only person i have left right now that can make me happy but I don't want you to lie to make it happen because that's what Adam did! Adam didn't want to to tell me the truth that he fell in love with someone else so he lied and cheated and broke me! You can't do that to me! I wont let you!"
"I'm not lying to you Mitch!" I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone from my nightstand.
"I don't believe you." I said coldly, "You can't just do that! You can't just-"
"Just what Mitch? Confess my love for you! You did-"
"No i didnt! Kirstie said it! She took that away from me!"
"Mitch what do you want me to say? I'm not going to tell you I'm lying because I'm not. I love you and I know you're not in the best place right now but I'll help you through it. I promice."
"If... If I rely on you...If I depend on you and you... And you leave... I can't handle that. And I don't want you to just help me through it because you don't want me to hurt myself."
"Of course I don't want you to hurt yourself, Mitch! If you hurt yourself and it was too late I don't know if I could handle it."
"You would get over it and start a solo career. You'd be fine. See Adam moved on very quickly you will too."
"Mitch. Stop talking like it's going to happen."
I looked down. "I don't know what to do Scott. I'm sick and tired of being thrown around."
"I know. Come here." he said and I crawled back into his arms.
"I'm gonna help you through this." He whispered pressing his lips to the top of my head.
"I love you." I whispered and he kissed my head again.
"I love you too baby."
