Friday: 6/04/09
It was the last day of school and I was extremely excited but I knew something was wrong when I felt the nervous sweat on his hand. He came up to me at my locker like he does every morning and I could tell he seemed nervous as soon as I saw his eyes.
I wasn't sure until his clammy hands intertwined with mine. And trust me, this wasn't normal for him. His hands seemed to never sweat even on our first date when both of us were extremely nervous. I looked up at him, my eyebrows furrowed.
"You okay?" I asked and he looked at me almost startled by my voice. I looked at him even more concerned and confused.
"Oh yeah..." he said running his hand through his hair nervously. "I'm fine. Just thinking about something. It doesn't matter." He said, his voice tight and rushed.
I looked at him quizzically, I could sense he was lying and I squeezed his hand. "You know you can tell me anything right?" I told him and he looked at me sadly before nodding. "Good, as long as you know that I'll drop it."
He seemed visibly relieved when I told him I'd drop it and we didn't talk about it all day until he was walking me home.
He stopped about have way home at an old park that we always went to. The park was our safe place. It was old and no one appeared to ever go there. So, it was the perfect place for us to escape to and possibly make out in his car or on top of his car or anywhere else in that area to be honest. "I need to tell you something." He blurted out and I looked at him slightly startled at the sudden change in his demeanor.
"Okay..." I said becoming a little nervous as well. He pulled me over to one of the picnic benches and sat me down.
He let go of my hand and twiddled with his own not looking at me. "Hey," I said quietly putting my hand gently on his back before rubbing it slowly, "You can tell me anything. I will love you no matter what."
He looked up at me and smiled a fake smile before gulping and looking back down at his hands. "Um... I don't really know how to say this. I... I enlisted in the army yesterday." he said and I gawked at him confused.
"You what?" I asked and I could see him cringe, "I thought you were going to ARC for a year until I graduated too?" I asked and he finally met my gaze.
"I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you what I was going to do but I was scared you would be mad at me." he said his voice small but I couldn't care less, I could feel the pain and anger in my heart.
"Of course I'm mad! We made a plan so that we would be able to stay together even though I still had a year more of high school. If you didn't want to do it than why did you tell me that's what you wanted? Why'd you wait until the last day of school? Why do you even want to go into the army?" I started asking more and more questions without waiting for the answers. My mind was racing with confusion and hurt and I couldn't calm it down.
"Mitch you don't understand. Everyone in my family has been in the military at some point and I wan't to do it too. I want to fight for my country and I want to protect it. I want to protect you." he said taking my hand but I pulled it away quickly standing up.
"You can't protect me from there! I will never see you! So you're right I don't understand. I don't understand why'd you rather throw four years of your life away instead of being with me. Scott what if they send you out into war? What if you get hurt? What if you die?" Scott cut me off by standing up and cupping my face with his hands.
"Nothing's going to happen to me. I'm going to fight for my country because that's what I want to do with my life. I wont be throwing those years away I will be doing what I want to do. And we can do long distance. After boot camp I will be allowed to have my phone and we can Skype every night and-" I stopped him with my hands resting on his chest.
"When do you leave?" I asked and he gulped again looking away from me. I grabbed his jaw and pulled it back so he was facing me. "When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow." he whispered and I fully stepped away from him pushing his hands off of me.
"Tomorrow!?" I asked raising my voice and staring at him with wide eyes. "You're leaving me tomorrow? You're blindsiding me with this information the day before you're fucking leaving!? Fuck you! Have a good time in boot camp. Don't even bother saying goodbye, I'm obviously not that important to you." I said grabbing my bag off the ground next to the table and threw it over my shoulder quickly.
I started to walk away quickly feeling the tears fall down my cheeks. I heard him call after me but I my walk turned into a sprint and I didn't stop until I got to my house. I closed the door behind me and sank down into the floor.
Sobs overcame my body and I could barely breathe. It all just happened so suddenly and I didn't know how to handle it. I knew I was being dramatic but it literally felt like my life was falling apart.
