《 What if we run away? 》

↠ chapter eleven

Hansol takes me to the storeroom where the party takes place, pushes me against the wall and hide in there so that no one could see us.
"What are you doing?" I ask. He quickly covers my mouth with his hand, puts his index finger on his lips and lets out a soft "Shhh".
He is so close to me right now like he hasn't been in a very long time. His stare is so captivating and my breathing changed as soon as his hand touched my face.
"You have to be quiet, alright?" he whispers into my ear. I nod and he lifts his hand off my mouth. He places his hand against the wall right next to my head. We wait like this for five minutes straight, but it actually feels like hours and I could stand like this for forever, until he finally takes a look out of the door and signalizes me that the coast is clear again.
"Are we hiding from your manager?" I ask, because I saw him enter the party right when Hansol pulled me out of the room to hide and I got this strange feeling inside of me, that I shouldn't be here at all.
"Yeah, I don't want him to see us together because he believes that we don't keep in touch anymore and that you're gone already" answers Hansol.
"But he will see me sooner or later though.. maybe I should just leave now" I say.
"No! I don't want you to leave. I mean I asked you to come along and-" he stops because someone suddenly calls his name.
"I have to go now, I'll be right back" he says and gives me a kiss on my right cheek and leaves the storeroom. I stand there in shock because I didn't expect him to kiss me in this moment.. it's been quite a while since we broke up and well; we aren't together anymore.

I didn't realize that I was standing there for some minutes, just smiling like an idiot, playing with the rings on my fingers, until Joshua stands in the door and looks at me really confused.
"What are you doing here, Y/N? Are you looking for something?"
"Ah, yes! I was looking for.. a broom. Yeah, I need one" I lie and give him the most awkward smile ever.
"A broom? Yeahhh, sure" he laughs and pats my shoulder.
"No really, like I was going to use it for-"
"Nah, don't say anything. I know you're lying" he winks. I breathe out and realize that it seems futile to lie to Josh.
"Alright. You got me. Can we please pretend that you didn't saw me here? I'm gonna go now anyways" I smile and turn myself to the door.
"Wait, the party just started. Why do you wanna go already?" he asks and I was hoping that I could just slip it off without the need to explain myself.
"I just don't feel like I should be here.."
"Do you wanna talk about it? I'm on my way to the store accross the street to buy some candles for the cake. We could take a walk if you want" he says.
I think about it for a short moment and agree. I noticed that I actually barely talk about my true feeling with anybody and I guess maybe it will help to talk about it for once. And I trust Joshua with anything.
We head out the building and go to the store to buy the candles first. After we've done that, we go to the park next to the Pledis building and sit down on a bench and I start to open up about my feelings.
"I'm not sure if Hansol told you this before but we both dated for a while."
"Yes, I know. I'm the only one who knows this. He seemed really sad one day and he talked to me about you" says Joshua.
"Oh, really? I thought he didn't tell anybody but that's fine that he told you. He must have felt so lonely not talking about it for such a long time.." I say.
"It was hard on him, yeah. He told me that he wanted to tell everybody that you two dated because he was so happy about it, but as you know he can't do that due to his job" he says.
The words make my heart shake, and my eyes sting with tears. Why is love always so cruel to the one's with the best heart? Hansol deserves a relationship full of love and one that makes him happy and look forward to each day, but he is trapped in this cage of not being allowed to love anyone truly.
"Hey, please don't start crying. I don't like seeing girls cry" he tries to comfort me.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cry! Ugh, just give me a second" I take a really deep breath.
"I didn't know I was going to fall in love with him so deeply and it's both a curse and a blessing. Ever since I met him, no one else is worth thinking about and there is something about him I don't want to lose, because I know I won't find it in anyone else. I'm just hopelessly in love with him and I'm so angry that I will never get to wake up next to his smile and notice how perfect he'd look while sleeping.." I feel a bit relieved for finally saying what was on my mind the whole time.
"Damn. You really love him, don't you? You should tell him all that what you just told me! He deserves to know your feelings for him."
"I don't plan on confessing it to him any time soon to be honest. It would just make everything more difficult as it already is" I say.
"Maybe you're right, but you should go for it. Whether it ends good or bad, it was an experience. And maybe everything will turn out good in the end, you know. You should think about it carefully. Anyways, we should go back to the party, I bet they're already wondering what takes us so long" giggles Joshua and we make our way back to the building.

We enter the room where the party takes place and put the candles on top of the cake and light them. The icing on the cake says "All the best for your comeback, Seventeen" and it looks so pretty. Shortly all the members and the staff members gather around the table and we all clink glasses to celebrate their eagerly awaited comeback. Joshua encouraged me to stay at the party and just enjoy it. So I will do that.
I notice that Hansol keeps staring at me and whenever I look at him, he would look away immediately. It seems as if he wants to avoid me. I'm curious and walk up to him to ask if something's wrong.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, everything is fine" he doesn't even look at me and starts to chew on his lips.
"I saw you leaving the building with Joshua.." he quickly says.
"Yeah I did, and..?" I ask, wondering why his voice sounds so sobby.
"Ah, nothing. You both seem to get along really well, I don't want to disturb you two" he says.
"What does that mean, Hansol?" I take his hand and go off to the side with him, so no one could listen to our conversation.
"It's just- .. I'm so tired of it all, you know?" he runs his hand through is hair, slightly kicking the chair next to him.