I Am Human (bxb)

Can't Do This On My Own

"Don't go
I can't do this on my own
Don't go
I can't do this on my own
Save me from the ones
That haunt me in the night
I can't live with myself
So stay with me tonight
Don't go
Don't go"

The music blasted in my ears from my cheap headphones violently, as I walked to school. All I could think about was last night with Kai. He was so broken. He is so broken. And the thing is, is that he seems just like an average guy on the outside, nobody that saw him would think that he was haunted by these demons, with such a horrible past, such a painful memory. Every time I thought about his shaking hands clutching to my sweater, or the tear stains that  created pools on my shoulder, I wanted to cry.

"I.. I can't do this any more." He had said, sobbing into the crook of my neck, "I can't do this anymore." he pleaded with himself, just wanting the words to get out of him, into the air, into someone's ear that would listen. I was listening, and I wanted him to know that I wanted so badly to help him. I just wanted his pain to go away, and I wanted him to know that I would never do anything that he wasn't 100% okay with. 

"You won't have to, You aren't alone anymore Kai. I'm here, I'm going to be here for you." I cooed, holding onto him tightly so he could feel me, so he could know I was there.

My black combat boots that Aunt Tracy bought me were slapping across the scorched cement of the sidewalk, and my skin felt a million degrees in the hot heat of the summer. Graduation was approaching fast, and I didn't have any plans. I hadn't applied to any schools and I didn't even have a job. I was floundering. After Kai calmed down last night we talked a bit about the future. He already had a job, and applied at three universities, and had several soccer scholarships at a few schools that wanted him on their teams. He had a plan. He was excited. I on the other hand, was scared out of my wits.

"Why don't we make a resume this weekend for you and then go job hunting?" Kai suggested in an attempt at cheering me up. But the thing was that I was nervous about growing up, I dint want a job. I still wanted to be a kid. But I agreed, It was a better idea than just staying home worrying about the future.

I continued walking to school, my black skinnies tight against my pale skin, Kai's red sweater hanging off me like I was a twig and a sling holding my arm like a baby. It still smelt like him, the comforting scent sweeping me out of my negative thoughts as I walked up the steps of high school. 

Walking down the busy halls I noticed several people staring at me as I made my way to my locker. I didn't really think much of it until a girl who I vaguely recognized as a school cheerleader approached me.

"Hey, jasper Isn't it?" she said in a perky voice that was too high, just like her skirt. I eyed her suspiciously and nodded as I put in my locker combo and opened it. "Hey, Um... I'm Abby." The blond barbie said to me. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my books, eventually turning to face her.

"What do you want?" I said with a grumble, perfecting the anti-social outsider stereotype.

"Um, well I was just wondering if you wanted to go to this party on Friday night. It's kind of like our Graduation-goodbye-school party. I just... I know you're close with Kai, so I though I'd let you know about it." She said with a small smile that was tinted with pity. 

"Thanks, but I don't do parties."

"Oh really? I thought I saw you at Robert Mason's party a few weeks ago?" She said with a chuckle. Oh god, that's why she was asking me. She probably saw me playing beer pong and being a crazy, drunk psycho. I cringed.

"Eh, you saw that did you?" I said scratching the back of my neck embarrassed. She laughed and smiled more like a cheerleader would and nodded at me with a wink.

"Yeah, It was really cute. Don't worry about being around me okay? I won't say anything." I looked at her confused, wondering what she meant as she bounded away with a skip, waving goodbye to me.

I continued to my first class and sneaked to the back of the room, forgetting about the strange encounter with Abby the cheerleader. 

By the time lunch rolled around I was just about bounding out of my seat and heading towards Mr. S's class. But as I got to the door, it was locked, a sign was taped to the door that read:

To K & J,

Go find a funky lunch spot for a few days, I won't be at lunch for about a week. 

Dumb adult meetings call me.

Mr.S

I looked at the paper and peeled it off the door, placing it in my pocket, tucking it away. I stood by the door for a few minutes, zoning out in space until a tap on my shoulder jolted me back to reality. 

"Hey, you." A deep, familiar voice said. I smiled up at Kai and grabbed the note out of my pocket, shoving it up to his face. "What's this?!" He said slightly mocking disappointment, "Mr.S is actually taking on responsibilities?! I'm shocked!" His witty sarcasm made me laugh and soon we were both in the halls clutching at out stomachs. After we calmed down we walked away from the safety of the history room and walked side by side down the corridors.

"Where to?" I asked him. I literally had never eaten lunch outside of Mr.S's room, so I had no idea of where to sit.

"Do you remember that stairwell?"

"The one where..." I started. I was going to say, the one where I met your ex, but then stopped myself, remembering the rest of that encounter. That was the day I realized he had been raped by his ex-girlfriend. 

"Yeah." He said saving me from having to carry on, "It's pretty quiet there, we'd be alone."

"I don't know. I don't really like that spot anymore." I said truthfully. I hated the memory of that place, he nodded probably thinking the same thing as me. 

"Okay, good choice. What about going out for lunch?"

"Like a date?" I said looking up at him.

"Yes." He said as red blush slowly surface on his face. I smiled and purposefully bumped my shoulder against his playfully. "Like a date."