Farm Girl Loves Bad Boy (#2)

Chapter Four

“River,” someone whisper’s, but I’m too half-awake to respond. Instead I groan and roll over, trying to fall back asleep. “Can we talk?”

My eyes slowly open and I flinch back. I’m face to face with Emery, who’s smiling sincerely in the dark. Sighing, I gently rest my head back down on the pillow. He climbs onto my bed and lies down on his back, while I face him. He stares up at the ceiling, not even trying to meet my eyes.

“About what?” I snap bitterly through tiredness and anger.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Emery says, putting his arms behind his head. “I think there’s some things we need to talk about before I go.”

My eyes narrow and I quickly flip over, so I’m facing the window rather than Emery. “Some things are better left unsaid.” He doesn’t’ touch me in any way, however I enjoy the presence of him beside me. If I may never see Emery Hastings again, I might as well enjoy one night with him. “Wake me up before you leave,” I mutter, knowing it will make me upset if I don’t get to say goodbye.

“You mean a lot to me, River,” he murmurs, lightly trailing his fingers along my collarbone. “That’s why I’m acting this way.” I exhale noisily as I blink back tears. “I’ve lost everyone close to me, and if I lose you too, I’ll have nothing.”

I remember when he said something along the same lines the night in the barn, but I have a feeling he’s talking about something completely different this time. Before, it was because I was dying of blood loss. Now, it’s because he’s lost every family member he’s known excluding his new found aunt.

“That’s why,” his voice quietly whispers in the silence before he takes a deep breath. “I can’t be with you.”

My eyes slowly close as tears begin to leave them. I should have seen this coming. Emery had always put up a wall to keep me away from him. That’s why when he came to my family’s farm, he was rude, arrogant and overall extremely mean. He couldn’t trust anyone but himself, and didn’t want to get close to others. But now, since he’s close to me, he wants to push me away again.

“You almost died because of me, River.” His voice sounds hurt, and I wonder if he’s crying like I am. “It was my fault and it’s just going to get worse if I stick around.”

“How is going to get worse, Emery?” I snap. “Your dad…” I trail off, not wanting to anger him while we’re talking on good terms.

“Keith,” he sighs. “And there are others. My dad’s death won’t go unnoticed, trust me.” If I wasn’t lying down, I would shake my head. He’s asking me to trust him, which at this point, I don’t know if I can.

This is as close as we have come to talking about what happened so I decide to push my luck. I really don’t want to, but if I never see Emery again, I won’t be able to move on.

“What happened…” I search for the right words. “What I did to…to your-“

“Drop it, River,” Emery snaps, before I can even spit the words out. It should have been obvious that I wasn’t going to get anywhere. I never did.

“We’re both suffering, Emery,” I whisper through tears. “And you won’t even talk about what happened.”

I hear Emery sigh angrily behind me, and a moment later, the bed shifts as he climbs out of it. I don’t turn around as he walks along the floor and then appears a few feet in front of me. He leans against the wall beside the window I know he will be climbing out of soon to smoke.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he tells me coolly, folding his arms across his chest. “So just leave it the fuck alone.”

I sit up in bed and swing my legs over the side. Staring up at Emery, I wonder how he can be so bipolar. One moment he’s hot, the other he’s cold. It only takes a matter of seconds to change from one to the other.

“Yes, there is,” I plead. “But you refuse to talk about it! Every single day I struggle, and every single night I fight my constant dreams!” My voice rises as I sob. Emery’s expression shows that he doesn’t care in the least. “You act like you’re mad at me, and I want to know why!”

Emery laughs darkly and avoids my eyes, turning his head to look to his left. “You really don’t want to know why.”

My whole body trembles as I rise to my feet. I’m shorter than Emery is, but I try to get him to meet my eyes regardless. “Why not?” I whisper, watching as the light from the moon shines across the floor and onto the top half of Emery.

“It will make things worse for you.” His words send a shiver up my spine but it doesn’t push away my curiosity.

“Why can’t things be the way they used to be?” I whisper, walking towards him. I wrap my arms around him and lean my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. If his heart is still there, why doesn’t he act like he has one?

“Because,” he snaps, raising his voice. He shoves me off of him and I stumble backwards. “My father’s dead.”

I stare at him through blurry eyes. “Are you really going to let your dad ruin your life still, Emery?” I whisper, taking a step towards him, reaching out to grab his hand. He shoves his painfully away, making me fight again for my balance.

“Don’t touch me you fucking bitch,” he sneers through clenched teeth. My mouth falls open. All I have done is try to make things go back to normal, and he keeps fighting me. Anger and hurt surges through my body and I want to scream. Instead, all I can do is slap him.

He barrels towards me, wasting no time as he grabs my shoulders. In one swift movement, he pulls me towards him. There’s only a second I can brace myself before he throws me will full force onto the floor.

My head smacks against the wall as my body crashes onto the ground. At first, everything hurts and I’m seeing stars. Then, the pain moves into key places. One, which is the back of my head. I was already crying before, but now I’m sobbing. After all we’ve been through, he’s back to hurting me again.

“Why?” I sob, staring up at him. Instead of looing sorry for what he had done, he still looks furious. “Why do you hate me so much?” Every day he either ignores me, hurts me or does something to make everything harder. What had I done that has hurt him so much?

Emery laughs darkly. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

Slowly, I pick myself up off the ground, mentally addressing my wounds. I hurt a lot, but I don’t feel like anything’s broken. My head definitely throbs, along with my neck and shoulders. My wrist feels twisted from the way I landed, but I ignore the pain. When I don’t respond to his question, Emery just laughs again.

“You know,” he says, taking a threatening step towards me. “Sometimes I wish that I died that night in the barn.” Instantly, I want to scream. I shake so much that it makes me hurt worse. I know he’s talking about how he doesn’t want to deal with the aftermath. However, I know it’s directed to hurt me.

If words could kill, I would be dead right now. I had risked my life for him, and in return, Emery hates me for it.

“Why would you say that, Emery?” I cry, stepping closer to him. I know I shouldn’t, but all I want to be is close to him. He’s the only one who makes me feel okay, and he doesn’t care. Before I can touch him, he grabs me by the shoulders roughly. He leans close until our eyes are level and his can glare into mine.

“Because I want you to hurt like I am,” he snaps. In the darkness, he looks like an animal. A wolf baring his teeth to be more exact and it scares me. Emery is far from the person who he was before, and with every change he’s faced me with, I question how I feel.

“Why are you so angry with me?” I shake in his arms and his grip just tightens. The Emery Hastings that I’m in love with is nowhere to be found. The Emery I first met is gone too. Instead, the eyes I stare into are someone completely new.

“Because you killed my father.”